I (25F) just found out that my dad (65M) has been having an affair. My parents have been married for 30 years, have 2 kids, and 1 grandkid.
My dad first met his affair partner at the beginning of 2020. They had met at a spa since she was his masseuse. They had started talking during the covid lockdowns with her constantly messaging him, knowing that he had 2 daughters and a wife, since we were all clients of hers. My mom had found out that they had kept talking to one another, crossing “friendship” boundaries. He immediately stopped talking to her and worked hard for my mom to forgive him and she eventually did after some time.
Fast forward to now. My mom lives in another city 3 hours away from my hometown to help take care of her grandchild. She’s there for 2 weeks and comes home for 1 week, so for now, it’s just my dad and I at home. I’ve noticed him acting suspicious. For example, coming home almost 2 hours late from work even though it’s only a 25 minute drive from home, walking away to different rooms to take phone calls (he never used to do this), and when I saw the same unsaved number call him numerous times on Apple CarPlay, he said it was from work, even though all his work contacts are saved into his phone.
So when he took a shower, I got into his phone and immediately found his WhatsApp, with only one contact saved. I immediately took a screen recording of all his messages with his affair partner, Airdropped it to myself and deleted all the evidence off his phone.
After playing back the recording my heart immediately shattered. His affair partner is the same woman from 2020. It’s hundreds of messages and screenshots of love notes telling her how much he misses her, how much he loves her and is thinking about her. He tells her that nothing she says will change his mind and in the end, this will be all worth it. He even sent her $1,000 for lawyer fees and sent her pictures of his grandchild.
I am completely devastated and have no idea how to move forward or who to talk to about this. My sister just had a baby and I’m so scared to trigger her postpartum depression. My mom retired early and is financially dependent on my dad, and I’m a student living at home. In my country, it’s illegal to divorce. If they choose to legally separate, I’m stuck in the middle and have no idea how to move forward. If this comes out, my family and extended family will shatter and I’m not sure if this can be fixed. I am so so tempted to keep it to myself just because I’m so desperate to keep my family together. But every time I look at him I’m disgusted and my heart breaks all over again.
Comments
This isn’t something you should carry alone, tell someone you trust, even if it’s just to get the weight off your chest first. Keri the peace shouldnt mean setting yourself on fire.
Talk to your dad about some boy that you liked and how he lied and cheated on you. Tell him how you feel about him because of that. That you absolutely hate him. See how you dad reacts to that
don’t be a snitch, nobody likes snitches. sometimes it’s better not to get involved. not only your father, your mother will hate you for it as well.
Put yourself in your mom’s shoes. Would you want to know and then decide what to do from there? I know I would rather know the truth, even if it hurts. It will also allow her time to prepare in case the worst happens. I wouldn’t want to be blindsided and would rather hear from someone who loves me.
Keeping quiet just supports your dad’s affair for as long as your dad and his mistress want to maintain the status quo.