I basically got used as a weapon by both of my parents against both my parents.
Stuff like hearing them talk badly about the other. Do stuff like get me drunk and give me cigarettes just to piss the other off. Abuse the other couldn’t do anything about. A pawn to be used in legal battles with me in the middle.
It was a nightmare in combination of other abuse going on and added to the confusion.
Wasn’t terrible as a child. Was with mom and then went to live with dad when I was a teen.
It had its issues, but it didn’t ruin me.
The issue was because they were divorced, they would argue about things like “these days are mine” and “this is my day”.
This exact argument caused my sister to die.
She was ill and nearly septic, but my dad refused to let my mom come pick her up to go to the hospital because it was “his week”. He told my mom he would take her if she wasn’t better in a few days. They just kept giving my sister Vicodins.
That Friday, my sister went into septic shock and was dead within two days. I’ll never forgive either of them.
All because of a pissing match due to the custody agreement and anger between them.
That all depends on the parents. If the parents can have a reasonable relationship after the divorce and not be at each others throats or bash each other then it’s much easier on the kids. Sometimes relationships just don’t work out. It’s a lot of stress on the kids not to have access to one or the other parent, or to have parents that constantly bash each other, or be in court cases constantly and CFS be called all the time over false reports, etc. .
I’ve been through this. I’ve seen both sides because my mom and stepdad were toxic, my dad wasn’t. I’ve had my parents play tug of war with me and my sister. Even today I still have an impact from it.
I’ll note that it’s worse to have kids see a parent be abused. Kids are not a reason to stay in an abusive relationship.
It’s going to be very impactful. Hopefully it’s manageable, and you’re not going to know for sure until it happens.
The teen will be the most likely to take it the worst and may find somebody to blame if they don’t blame themselves. And you really don’t want them to blame themselves. With that said, kids are different. Some may realize it’s better to have parents apart if they weren’t doing the family any good together. If any of them are prone to anxiety, get a counselor for the ones that are. If you can’t afford it, perhaps your work has an EAP that they can go through.
How custody is setup can also have an affect on their feelings. Too much time with the “wrong” parent might make them angry toward both. Equal time is better, as long as one parent isn’t a major issue, but do everything you can to make the hand-offs smooth and conflict free.
A divorce is way better than dysfunctional parents. I remember thinking it was such a luxury when my friends would vent to me about their parents going through a divorce.
I believe it depends on the situation. My ex was mentally ill and extremely violent. I had full custody and an RO and the kids were glad she was gone and didn’t want her to come home.
It was disastrous for my family. There were 6 kids involved. Four of them developed serious drug and alcohol problems. One died from suicide, another died from drug use. Another lost his family because he was severely addicted to weed (I don’t want to hear that weed isn’t addictive. That is an entirely different subject). Another one developed a gambling addiction and then got into cocaine and later meth. He died years later by stroke. The meth created holes in his brain.
It all started with the divorce. It was like living on a train that continued to crash over time.
My parents divorced when I was in my early teens. I could go on and on with how I feel like it’s affected me. Having my parents living 300+ miles apart, only getting to see my dad every other week and for a couple of weeks in the summer, which sucked being so far away with so little time. Some of the things I had heard my mom say about my dad and marriage in general has probably shapped how I view relationships. There is probably more besides those.
That being said I had it light compared to other people I know who dealt with extremely bitter and hateful parents who were still married and divorced alike. My brothers and I could have had it way worse, and honestly, it would have been worse if my parents had stayed together. Kids will understand more as they become adults, but for the teens, it really does suck sometimes, but its better than being in a home with parents who are always angry.
Comments
Depends on the age; 10 and younger handle it better than tweens and pre-teens
My parents got divorced when I was an infant, so that was my normal. They were married for almost 10 years though.
When I heard about other kids my class parents getting divorced, I was always thought “Big deal, welcome to the club” 🤷♂️
Very negative impact in most cases, for all 3 of the ages.
In my case very much so.
I basically got used as a weapon by both of my parents against both my parents.
Stuff like hearing them talk badly about the other. Do stuff like get me drunk and give me cigarettes just to piss the other off. Abuse the other couldn’t do anything about. A pawn to be used in legal battles with me in the middle.
It was a nightmare in combination of other abuse going on and added to the confusion.
catastrophic
Wasn’t terrible as a child. Was with mom and then went to live with dad when I was a teen.
It had its issues, but it didn’t ruin me.
The issue was because they were divorced, they would argue about things like “these days are mine” and “this is my day”.
This exact argument caused my sister to die.
She was ill and nearly septic, but my dad refused to let my mom come pick her up to go to the hospital because it was “his week”. He told my mom he would take her if she wasn’t better in a few days. They just kept giving my sister Vicodins.
That Friday, my sister went into septic shock and was dead within two days. I’ll never forgive either of them.
All because of a pissing match due to the custody agreement and anger between them.
That all depends on the parents. If the parents can have a reasonable relationship after the divorce and not be at each others throats or bash each other then it’s much easier on the kids. Sometimes relationships just don’t work out. It’s a lot of stress on the kids not to have access to one or the other parent, or to have parents that constantly bash each other, or be in court cases constantly and CFS be called all the time over false reports, etc. .
I’ve been through this. I’ve seen both sides because my mom and stepdad were toxic, my dad wasn’t. I’ve had my parents play tug of war with me and my sister. Even today I still have an impact from it.
I’ll note that it’s worse to have kids see a parent be abused. Kids are not a reason to stay in an abusive relationship.
It’s going to be very impactful. Hopefully it’s manageable, and you’re not going to know for sure until it happens.
The teen will be the most likely to take it the worst and may find somebody to blame if they don’t blame themselves. And you really don’t want them to blame themselves. With that said, kids are different. Some may realize it’s better to have parents apart if they weren’t doing the family any good together. If any of them are prone to anxiety, get a counselor for the ones that are. If you can’t afford it, perhaps your work has an EAP that they can go through.
How custody is setup can also have an affect on their feelings. Too much time with the “wrong” parent might make them angry toward both. Equal time is better, as long as one parent isn’t a major issue, but do everything you can to make the hand-offs smooth and conflict free.
A divorce is way better than dysfunctional parents. I remember thinking it was such a luxury when my friends would vent to me about their parents going through a divorce.
A little less than being paralyzed or going blind, but more than having to move to another country.
Not as hard on them as having parents who should’ve gotten divorced IMO
I believe it depends on the situation. My ex was mentally ill and extremely violent. I had full custody and an RO and the kids were glad she was gone and didn’t want her to come home.
It was disastrous for my family. There were 6 kids involved. Four of them developed serious drug and alcohol problems. One died from suicide, another died from drug use. Another lost his family because he was severely addicted to weed (I don’t want to hear that weed isn’t addictive. That is an entirely different subject). Another one developed a gambling addiction and then got into cocaine and later meth. He died years later by stroke. The meth created holes in his brain.
It all started with the divorce. It was like living on a train that continued to crash over time.
My parents divorced when I was in my early teens. I could go on and on with how I feel like it’s affected me. Having my parents living 300+ miles apart, only getting to see my dad every other week and for a couple of weeks in the summer, which sucked being so far away with so little time. Some of the things I had heard my mom say about my dad and marriage in general has probably shapped how I view relationships. There is probably more besides those.
That being said I had it light compared to other people I know who dealt with extremely bitter and hateful parents who were still married and divorced alike. My brothers and I could have had it way worse, and honestly, it would have been worse if my parents had stayed together. Kids will understand more as they become adults, but for the teens, it really does suck sometimes, but its better than being in a home with parents who are always angry.
It’s better than living in a toxic home, but worse than when one of the parents run off because “they deserve happiness.”
A lot of marriages don’t work and shouldn’t, a lot could but someone isn’t interested in trying, that’s really bad for the kid(s).