My (29F) husband (32M) and I have been married for 3 years, long distance because of the military. I’ve lived with his family during this time renting out a space. MIL had really welcomed me—I loved living there. Meanwhile, she’s been in the long term process of divorcing FIL, staying until now for financial reasons.
The last months of my time there, I was nearing the end of my pregnancy and my husband was preparing to deploy. It had been determined that I would move back in with my parents with the baby so my parents could help me with childcare. MIL offered for me and my husband to keep our stuff in the room upstairs as free storage until he’s back from deployment and we get our own place. I offered to pay her for it multiples times, she declined. When things were getting more heated between her and FIL, approximately 6 weeks before my due date/husband’s deployment date, I asked if she’d want us to move our stuff to an actual storage place—she said no, our stuff could stay.
Two weeks after a C section and 36 hours from my husband’s deployment, we were about to drive over with baby to my family’s house. MIL and FIL had an ongoing argument essentially about FIL wanting to move out because they were fighting so much and MIL wanting him to stay to help out with a planned surgery she had. FIL also had told her that he wasn’t going to financially support her unless he was forced to. She asked my husband to take sides with her and force FIL to stay. My husband told her he wasn’t comfortable getting in the middle of things. MIL became upset, and suddenly told us that if he wouldn’t help her in this argument, then we should move all our stuff out ASAP because she might have to sell the house.
I expressed that it was a lot for her to throw on us (mainly me) all of a sudden, no yelling involved. That night she sent a lengthy text about how he and I were extremely selfish and not considering her situation and laid out all the kind things she’s ever done for us and how could we treat her this way etc.
I reached out to try to talk. She texted me she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to forgive us but would listen to what I had to say. Later on she changed her mind and said she didn’t want to talk after all.
Our stuff is now in storage. I recently stopped by the house to pick up leftover stuff (FIL offered to take it to me but I wanted MIL to have a chance to see baby). Prior to going I’d asked and she’d texted that we were welcome to stop by anytime. However, she ignored my greeting when we arrived, refused to see baby when I offered and yelled at me when I told her that I wasn’t comfortable going over either but just wanted her to have a chance to see grandbaby. This time I did yell back about how she was calling me inconsiderate when she was also not considering my situation when she dropped the move on us. She texted my husband that she is upset with me for my attitude the original night and this latest visit and is now claiming that I am emotionally abusing her.
So, Reddit, AITA?
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My (29F) husband (32M) and I have been married for 3 years, long distance because of the military. I’ve lived with his family during this time renting out a space. MIL had really welcomed me—I loved living there. Meanwhile, she’s been in the long term process of divorcing FIL, staying until now for financial reasons.
The last months of my time there, I was nearing the end of my pregnancy and my husband was preparing to deploy. It had been determined that I would move back in with my parents with the baby so my parents could help me with childcare. MIL offered for me and my husband to keep our stuff in the room upstairs as free storage until he’s back from deployment and we get our own place. I offered to pay her for it multiples times, she declined. When things were getting more heated between her and FIL, approximately 6 weeks before my due date/husband’s deployment date, I asked if she’d want us to move our stuff to an actual storage place—she said no, our stuff could stay.
Two weeks after a C section and 36 hours from my husband’s deployment, we were about to drive over with baby to my family’s house. MIL and FIL had an ongoing argument essentially about FIL wanting to move out because they were fighting so much and MIL wanting him to stay to help out with a planned surgery she had. FIL also had told her that he wasn’t going to financially support her unless he was forced to. She asked my husband to take sides with her and force FIL to stay. My husband told her he wasn’t comfortable getting in the middle of things. MIL became upset, and suddenly told us that if he wouldn’t help her in this argument, then we should move all our stuff out ASAP because she might have to sell the house.
I expressed that it was a lot for her to throw on us (mainly me) all of a sudden, no yelling involved. That night she sent a lengthy text about how he and I were extremely selfish and not considering her situation and laid out all the kind things she’s ever done for us and how could we treat her this way etc.
I reached out to try to talk. She texted me she wasn’t sure she’d ever be able to forgive us but would listen to what I had to say. Later on she changed her mind and said she didn’t want to talk after all.
Our stuff is now in storage. I recently stopped by the house to pick up leftover stuff (FIL offered to take it to me but I wanted MIL to have a chance to see baby). Prior to going I’d asked and she’d texted that we were welcome to stop by anytime. However, she ignored my greeting when we arrived, refused to see baby when I offered and yelled at me when I told her that I wasn’t comfortable going over either but just wanted her to have a chance to see grandbaby. This time I did yell back about how she was calling me inconsiderate when she was also not considering my situation when she dropped the move on us. She texted my husband that she is upset with me for my attitude the original night and this latest visit and is now claiming that I am emotionally abusing her.
So, Reddit, AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the AH because I was upset with my MIL for kicking my husband’s and my stuff out of the house and expressed that to her when she was also going through a lot at the time
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA your MIL is too old to be acting like a literal child. If anything I guess you dodged a bullet moving out when you did. Imagine if hubs (rightly) refused to get in the middle of his parents’ mess and you had nowhere lined up to go? It sucks but you and baby are better off out of there. Maybe she’ll realize what an ass she made of herself once FIL is actually moved out and apologize but I wouldn’t hold my breath.
Hopefully hubby has you’re back, even if he’s not there.
NTA she’s throwing the dummy out of her pram cos she’s not getting her own way.
YTA. A baby doesn’t magically solve relationships. MIL has no one to support her financially or help her recover from surgery, according to you. Holding a baby isn’t going to solve any of that. She’s hurt and protecting herself, and you trying to gain sympathy from her right now is ill-advised. Clearly there’s enough hurt to go around.
Next time take up the FIL or whoever on their offer to collect stuff for you. Only try to re-establish contact if you’re doing something for her benefit, to open the door to healing.
You are NTA but, I do think you need to remember that she is also a person going through a tough time.
Your mother-in-law’s life is falling apart. She is going through a divorce and separating from her spouse, and is feeling worried about who is going to look after her medically. And it happens to be at the same time that you and your spouse are having a kid, and also want help and support for deployment. I think her actions are very immature, but I also know that they are most likely driven by her personal life being terrible. You should try and rely more on your family if you can. I think it’s possible to mend things with her, but give yourself time to calm down, relax, and try to come to terms with all the big changes happening in your life.
Welcome to parenthood. Many of us are parenting both our kids and our parents. It kinda sucks. But the new babies smell great. I also have a feeling that she sounds like a grandparent who won’t be able to resist to lure of a new grandchild. You will need to decide if you want some type of apology or conversation from her before it happens. You will most likely end up in the power position since you have her grandchild, and she clearly wanted to be closer to the baby at some point in time.