I (37F) have been with my husband (42M)for 20 years and intimacy has always been an issue, he doesn’t like to be touched or hugged. which is fine and I was able to grow used to the lack of physical touch over the years. I have always been a very sexual person and wanted that connections as often as possible (in the beginning daily which is a bit over the top) but once every week or 2 was ideal but with kids and everything it was not always permitted and that is understandable but we made an effort. When our kids were young our sexlife didn’t really suffer. But the past several years I noticed a decline in sex. we now can go months without any kind of intimacy. When I first noticed this I would question why and he said I needed to initiate because I never did,and I just expected him to. He felt like he wasn’t desirable.Even though I would never turn him down or reject his advances (which he would reject me due to not wanting to be touched ect.) So after being turned down i didnt even try anymore. So now we hardly have sex and it has become the new normal. Which is an issue for me, but he says he is content with the lack of sex. Recently when I brought it up and he claims to be having issues with ED, but he won’t make an attempt to go get checked out. When I do bring up what I feel or how we can change the situation he gets defensive and insults my performance and claims I am selfish in bed. So I attempted to switch it up and give him a blowjob which would usually lead to sex, but he stopped me mid-job and said that I was so bad at giving head that I made him feel self conscious. I don’t even know what to think…Am I not attractive enough anymore ( I was young ((16)) and pretty when we got together) I do keep up with my appearance but have gained plenty of weight in 20 years (and so has he but i have always been a bit of a chuby chaser). I wonder if it is really an issue with ED or if thats excuse? I feel like he stays in the relationship because he can be a stay at home dad and I support the household. I do not think he cheats AT ALL, I think he is just comfortable in our relationship. I do wonder if he has a dependency on porn? I have tried using videos and toys and…nothing. I feel like I cannot have an open dialog or mature conversation without being put down and made to feel bad. I just dont know what to say or do anymore to fix our intimacy.
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I think the main issue here is that you were a 16/17 year old in a relationship with a 22 year old man.
Maybe check out his testosterone ?
He was a predator to groom and date a 16 year old. I would never let him around my children. He obviously doesn’t understand that teenagers are not adults and he shouldn’t be trying to date kids.
If I had to guess, he’s watching porn with younger women or even teenagers in it because that’s what he enjoys.
Is he realizing he may be gay? Alot of shame and fear involved in that.
He can have ED, or everything,
That doesn’t mean he has to tell you in the middle of a blow job that you are bad at it…
Youre 37, you are still young, and you waste your time with someone who doesn’t show affection nor attraction..
You were still I minor when you met him, he was already a full grown adult.
I would be in your shoes, I wouldn’t waste my time reclaiming intimacy…I would ask for divorce, move in somewhere witj your children, have a gym membership, work on myself, and meet people.