Start off by saying me and my bf have been dating for 3 years and we mostly go to his place to hang out because he prefers to sleep in his own bed.
Every month is different, but it’s usually me coming later in the evening just to sleep over & then leave in the morning for work. I would stay with him between jobs. Which is usually 3-5 days every other week.
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We actively avoid the kitchen area just to not get in the way of the roommate, we don’t even make breakfast. I do not have anything of mine (except for a cup + groceries for me & my boyfriend) in the kitchen
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I have clothes there for when I spend the night/go to the gym. In my boyfriend’s room. I shower with him but will shower on my own sometimes.
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This roommate divides the rent by half. And he splits his portion in half with his gf.
Hes asking from me $200 because I come over often..
im not willing to pay it based off the principle that its not my place, theres no space for my things, im only there when my bf is there. My bf pays for half of rent already even tho the shared living space is divided by all 3 of them.
I feel like it’s a way for him to ask more in the future which I don’t think is fair considering we already walk on eggshells around him.
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AITA for not wanting to budge and give him $200 for staying over.
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Start off by saying me and my bf have been dating for 3 years and we mostly go to his place to hang out because he prefers to sleep in his own bed.
Every month is different, but it’s usually me coming later in the evening just to sleep over & then leave in the morning for work. I would stay with him between jobs. Which is usually 3-5 days every other week.
We actively avoid the kitchen area just to not get in the way of the roommate, we don’t even make breakfast. I do not have anything of mine (except for a cup + groceries for me & my boyfriend) in the kitchen
I have clothes there for when I spend the night/go to the gym. In my boyfriend’s room. I shower with him but will shower on my own sometimes.
This roommate divides the rent by half. And he splits his portion in half with his gf.
Hes asking from me $200 because I come over often..
im not willing to pay it based off the principle that its not my place, theres no space for my things, im only there when my bf is there. My bf pays for half of rent already even tho the shared living space is divided by all 3 of them.
I feel like it’s a way for him to ask more in the future which I don’t think is fair considering we already walk on eggshells around him.
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AITA for not wanting to budge and give him $200 for staying over.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Refusing to pay my boyfriends roommate rent
2. Because he’s expecting me to comply
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
The rent makes no sense. If his gf lives there full time then it should be spilt by 1/3 and kit includes you.
He can ask for the difference in the start bill during the times you are there as that would increase a little (very) if you are showering there but 6 days a month is not a lot in my opinion
I’d say NTA. Does the girlfriend live there too? My thing is, half of the rent is being paid, so Idk that it should matter to him how it’s being paid.
NTA. You don’t live there full time so why tf should you
It’s time you and your bf get your own place. You mostly hang out over here, so I don’t get the ‘3-5 times every otherweek’. The fact that the roommate is approaching you directly sounds to me like you’re over there alll the time.
You shouldn’t need to pay anything bc your bf is already paying half. What is the roommate suggesting? That he pay $200 less? And how does that work when it sounds like his gf is also a roommate?
INFO I guess.
NTA…If his gf aint paying shit and your bf isn’t complaining about her than roommate has no right to complain to your bf or try to have you pay 200. Seems to me that he trying to pocket that money. Dont let your bf be a pushover and have him tell roommate that its not acceptable for you to contribute if his own gf aint contributing either.
If he and his gf divide his rent in half, say you’ll give your bf your half to contribute. He won’t get a say in THAT.
5 days in a row is way too much. You guys need to move into your own place
NTA – if anything you would give the money to help your BFs end. not pay extra. but in this case, he’s not requesting or requiring that. tell the roommate to eat shit.
Hmm… so there’s a blended rate for the house – each bedroom has a rate, and the common zones are the balance, which is split in three for the folk on the lease…
Start contributing if you’re going to use the fridge, stove, shower, charge your laptop, etc…
As soon as relationships become regular sleep-overs, any other folk in the household should be consulted and agreements modified as necessary to accommodate new and old. You’re just slipping in at night and skipping out in the morning: the room mates see and hear you both and likely feeling a bit disrespected.
I get it. Nookie and cuddles are damned important. Especially cuddles, but you’ve got to have these adult conversations before the cuddles occur so frequently that a regular billing is proposed. YTA (gently, but yeah – leases with stay limits are a thing.)
ESH. This isn’t about paying someone else’s rent. Whether you have stuff or not, you are essentially living there part time when you stay 3-5 days every other week and evenings in between. You are using their utilities. If you don’t want to pony up the cash, it’s time to get your own place or make sure you aren’t there so frequently.
If your boyfriend has a problem paying 50/50 rent, that’s a different conversation.
Yta
You staying there often disrupts their existing agreement.
Your bf is entitled for setting the rules and you’re following them he’s the one that wants you over all the time cos he wants to sleep in his own bed.
So either reduce your time there or let your boyfriend handle the extra cost.
YTA for going and staying the night more than 3 nights a week.
Before I got married I always had roommates. I had a rule with all my roommates that boyfriends and overnight guests could only stay over 3 days a week. And this included me and who ever I was dating as well.
It’s not just about utilities and such being used up, it’s about the fact that I was paying to rent and share a space with ONE other person. With limited space, you don’t want a roommate that constantly has people over nonstop. It’s just not comfortable.
It’s not about the space you take up, or running up their bills, your just THERE all the damn time.
Plus, having this rule I think gave me really healthy boundaries in relationships. I completely understand what it is to be in love and want to be together every day, but that can also become a bit codependent. It’s good to have space and also respect eachother LA spaces.
YTA
It sounds more like a contribution towards utilities you are using while there.
You try to minimize it with the shower sharing, but you still increase the water usage, electricity, internet usage and take up fridge space.
You use toilets, cook, use the fridge, hot water, etc.
You stay there 6-10days +other sleep overs in 31 days… that’s over 30% some months ..
It is reasonable to pay for things you use or for your bf to split the additional costs.
200$ seems reasonable.
INFO: you two have been dating for three years. You are together all the time. Why do you just not move in together?
NTA. He splits his rent with his girlfriend correct? So why is he entitled to YOUR money. Now if your boyfriend wanted you to pay that’s different. Your boyfriend should get the choice of who pays his half of the rent
The 2 of you should get your own place.
NTA
Why is he even talking to you about this and not your bf, his roommate who lives there?
I’d say something along the lines of; “I see that you are splitting your half of the rent with your gf. My bf and I might do the same with his half someday, maybe. We’ll take it into consideration, so no need for you to worry about our finances. Oh, you meant your half? Is your gf going to split my bfs half of his rent then or what’s your point? No? Yeah, I didn’t think so”
He has no argument. He also has no reason to speak to you when you’re just the guest of his roommate who’d be the person to talk to.
Also it sounds really fishy that his gf moved in but they treat it like they’re one person when splitting costs and your roommate takes on the other half. All while walking on eggshells around them. I’d seriously reconsider. Maybe have your bf come over more or see him less until he realizes that this situation is stuck and it’s time to look for a new place
Yea you are the ass****
YTA. I also don’t believe you never use things in the kitchen either, you probably added that hoping it would sway people’s responses.
You stay there up to 5 days a week so you practically stay there more than at your own home. Either pay or don’t go there as much, but you can’t have it both ways
NTA
The roommate chose to split the rent per bedroom instead of per person. If utilities are also being split 50/50 instead of per person, there is no justification for 2 people sharing one bedroom to pay a different amount than 2 people sharing the other bedroom part-time or full-time.
I feel like most responses so far are misunderstanding your original post. Maybe I am too. Key points I’ve understood: It’s 3-5 days every OTHER week, & rent is currently divided in between 3 people (but NOT 3 ways equally). OP’s boyfriend pays half the rent. The roommate & the roommate’s gf together pay the other half. Now it sounds like the roommate is asking OP for an additional $200.
If all that is correct, NTA. It sounds like the roommate is basically trying to reduce his own share of the rent unequally. You are there often enough that if your bf wants to split his share of the rent with you, you should consider doing so. However, the roommate asking you & your bf (combined) to pay MORE than half the rent when the roommate already shares his own half of the rent with his gf is completely unreasonable. That said, you are over a lot even if your stuff is not really there. You should probably consider finding a place just for the two of you soon. In the meantime, you may also want to discuss it with your bf & try seeing if your bf wants you to help with his share of the rent at all (just a healthy relationship discussion).
Are you saying that there are 3 residents to this domicile and the rent is 50% this guy and his gf and 50% your bf? Or is it 50/50 the two guys but the other one has his girlfriend fund 1/2 his share? Who are the principal tenants?
Going with NTA because you said in a comment the $200 is on top of the $1200 your boyfriend already pays. This isn’t something his roommate should talk to you about. If bills have increased due to you being there, that’s something they need to discuss. Besides that, if he feels you should contribute, that’s something to talk to your boyfriend about. Not you directly, since it’s not your place. If your boyfriend agreed in any capacity, he could then talk to you.
You claim to not leave stuff there but in the same breath say you leave some clothes and groceries there. I don’t think it really matters, unless your stuff is in public spaces and taking up space. You claim you only go over in the evenings and sleep over, too, so you aren’t actively that present. I’d understand if you were there all day, every day, like roommate’s girlfriend is. But you’re not. It’s every other week, iirc.
I used to crash a few days to two weeks with a household of dudes. They were all my friends and I was dating one of them. At any convenient point, one of them would scoop me up at the time to come over and hangout. I get the difference is my friendship with them, but even so, I’d help cook and clean while there. I’d buy them dinner, or grab groceries. I never left anything there even though they said it was fine.
There are ways for you to contribute, if you care to. Ways that are fair to everyone based on what everyone is comfortable with. It sounds like the roommate wants additional money, but unless there is a real billing reason, I don’t think he’s entitled to it. And if money does need to be paid, it’s something that needs to be addressed via your boyfriend.
If he just feels you should contribute, or you’re taking advantage, or whatever… that’s for your boyfriend to hear and then the two of you to discuss.
Well your bf can either pay more or start staying at your place half the time.
NTA for not wanting to pay an additional $200 but you’re kind of TA for staying there half the month. Just get a place with your boyfriend there’s almost always going to be issues with roommates.
So him and his girlfriend pay half the rent together and your bf pays the other half. I don’t see why you’d have to pay if he already pays half
YTA – you live there a week every other week. That’s enough to warrant chipping in.
It’s on your boyfriend to renegotiate terms ie paying half but living with two others. If he hasn’t, then you don’t get to use it against them.
Just get a place together, three years is long enough to move in together.
NTA. that’s between you and your boyfriend. Sounds like roommate just wants you to pay so his gf isn’t jealous he makes her cover half his rent.
Anything more than 2 nights a week is too much. You want to stay more often, you need to pay or find another apartment with your boyfriend. The roommate is right.
YTA. It sounds like you’re over way too much, so you should be contributing since you’re taking up space. Every other week you’re there almost the entire week.
I need clarification. Is $200 for rent? To me it sounds like your utility bills have gone up and room mate wants you to pay the overcharge.
I would like to know how much the monthly rent and usual utilities included. This way I can give you an accurate assessment.
Honestly I think he’s justified. Even if you’re not there permanently, having an extra person around is annoying and costly.
YTA –
There’s no way you’re not using the kitchen and or shared bathroom. You’re definitely using the utilities. You’re there basically more than half the time.
If you think paying an extra $200 is too much and unfair why not get your own place with your bf? I bet it’s because that’s a lot more expensive and the extra $200 a month isn’t that much.
INFO: Is the flatmate’s gf also a flatmate? Why is your bf paying half the rent if there are 3 flatmates? If she’s not a flatmate but a permanent guest, why are your frequent visits an issue? Is there any flatmate agreement in place?
If you’re staying over 3-5 days a week. You should be paying. You’re there all the time
YTA, you’re living there.