Hi everyone,
I’m a first-time mom (FTM) with an almost 1-year-old. During the newborn stage, my MIL stayed with us to “help,” but it often left me feeling overwhelmed and hurt. Her comments and actions rubbed me the wrong way, and I felt dismissed or undermined at times. I communicated this with my husband, and it led to several intense conversations. I asked him to set clear boundaries with her, especially regarding respect for me as the mother.
Fast forward to now—I’ve been trying to rebuild a relationship with my MIL. I agreed to let her stay with us for 5 days, and we’re now on day 4. I’ve been brushing off the small things for the sake of peace, trying to give her the benefit of the doubt.
But something happened today that broke me a little.
My husband was giving our baby a bath and called out, “Mama, please come here—bubba is finished.” I was in the kitchen with MIL, and we both clearly heard it. I looked at her, then looked back to respond—literally about to say, “Coming, just a minute”—but she rushed to the bathroom before I could even get a word out. Ran. As if she was “Mama.”
That moment hit me so hard. Our eyes met before she darted off. She knew. I felt this gut-wrenching jolt that she knowingly took my place in that moment. And what hurts even more is that it didn’t feel like a misinterpretation. It felt intentional.
I don’t know how to process this. I’m trying to not be overly sensitive, but my instinct as a mom tells me this was deeper than just a misunderstanding. It felt like a line was crossed.
My gut tells me this and I know I’m not overreacting. But god it hurts so bad that I don’t know what to do. I have talked to my husband about it and is pushing me to talk to her about it.
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I think I’d bring it up now. If she’s staying with you one more day. Basically say “in this house I’m mama. Not you.” Don’t be nice about it.
I hope your husband told her she’s not mama. If not, you need to get his behaviour sorted too. Good luck.
i would bring it up to your husband and if you dosent listen to how you feel i think you should have one of your family’s to help
It was 100% intentional. She’s trying to pee on your territory like a dog.
I’m assuming your husband didn’t say anything about it so if I were you I’d just say “ hey MIL, in this house I’m the mama. You’re grandma”. She will cry and play the victim but just ignore it when she does
You need to tell her (or even better, demand your husband tells her) to leave. She intentionally hurt you and disrespected you in your own home. That is unacceptable.
And tell your husband you have nothing to talk to her about. If anything, he should talk to her and tell her how unacceptable this is.
She doesn’t deserve any access to your child until she respects you.
My husband has never referred to me as “mom”. If he said mom, I would assume he is calling his mom. I’m not his mom, she is. After all, what is he supposed to do if he calls both of you by the same name?