Here’s a little bit of backstory. I (24F) met him (26M) a little over a year ago online.
We live in different countries, but we quickly formed a strong connection. We started messaging every day, shared pictures, had long, deep calls and sent each other small gifts and letters. We supported each other emotionally through everything we went through. He’s currently looking for a job and struggling with anxiety and low self-esteem. I work full-time but tried to support him as best as I could and always made time for him. I encouraged him, believed in him, and stuck around even when he couldn’t show the same energy back.
Over time, our bond became really intimate. We sexted, exchanged nudes, and spoke for hours into the night. It was basically a long-distance relationship in everything but name. He said he can’t do a long distance relationship but we agreed to be exclusive and to decide about a relationship once we meet in person (which would be in a few months time).
Then a few weeks ago, he confessed that he replied to some nsfw posts on Reddit from his country. Writing to some women, even sending a nude to one. He says he didn’t really know why he did it, but that he feels guilty about it. He also said he didn’t get a lot of responses overall. When I asked whether he would really meet with a stranger from Reddit to be intimate he said probably not, he’d be too scared/anxious and uncomfortable, that nothing would ever come from him replying to these posts. He explained that he might’ve done it due to deep mental issues, like depression, feelings of self-worth and being neurodivergent. He said his lack of experience scares him and he worried that if he and I were to be intimate, he’d be a failure.
If I were to send a nude to a random man online, I think he’d be deeply upset and hurt too. I never imagined he would do something like that. I do believe he really regrets it but that doesn’t change what happened. It makes me feel like I’m not enough, despite everything between us.
I don’t know what to do. How do you heal from that? How do you move forward?
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