My fiancé (28M) and I (25F) have been together for 12 years since high school. We have a 3 year old daughter and one on the way (currently I give birth in 2 weeks). About 2 months ago he woke up one day and said he’s not happy with me, I make him feel alone, and he’s depressed around me. He left the next day and moved into his friends house and has been home maybe twice since then. 3 days ago he texted me saying he has a new girlfriend (his female coworker) , posted her on Facebook, and deleted my family off of Facebook as well.
The same day, he comes over to get our daughter for the day and he tells me his gf is crazy and bipolar but says he’s happy with her and that he doesn’t even have to take his depression meds anymore because he’s so happy with her and she spends time with him. Then in the same sentence says he misses me and made it sound like he wanted to reconcile with me. He tells the girlfriend he’s staying at home with me, literally sleeps in our bed, and hugs me. The next morning he gets up and says “okay I’m going back to my girlfriend’s house now”. LIKE WHAT IS GOING ON. He has ghosted me since 3 days ago and posts pictures of how happy he is with her on social media. I know I was dumb to let him stay the night but honestly I’m so hurt and blindsided that he could move in with someone he’s known for a month especially while I’m at home pregnant with our toddler.
He still has me as a friend on social media and constantly views my stories. I know I was not a perfect partner and I could’ve paid attention to him more but it was hard since I was the default parent and usually was the sole parent every weekend while he golfed and did what he wanted to do.
Any advice on why this happened and where I go from here?
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Hire an attorney. Your fiancé is unstable, at best.
You need to contact an attorney and you need to go after him for child support. You have two children that you need to think of right now. It doesn’t matter why he’s doing this, just that he is. Do not be intimate with him anymore and get tested for STDs. Surround yourself with your support system and don’t engage with him anymore unless it pertains to the children. You do not deserve to be jerked around by him and his whim.
Something is wrong with him. I’m sorry.
You just learned a basic truth that the world doesnt want you to see. Most people are shit people. Delete this moron from your life, take your kids and move far away where you never have to interact with any1 ever. You will eventually realize that the world sux, and take pleasure in the fact that this “simulation” will soon be nuked by trump or putin. Gd day to you ma cherie
I am so sorry you are being put through this. He is clearly very immature and egotistical. You need to take care of yourself, your toddler and your soon to be born baby. Find legal help, get child support, if possible get into therapy to help you process the emotions from his horrible betrayal. Keeping yourself and your kids safe should be your priority. It’s natural to ask why something like this happens, but it can be counterproductive if you fixate on finding a why.
Cut any contact that doesn’t involve the kids. Move on he is not worth your time
Not a professional at all, but your finances behavior seems a lot like a manic episode. The new people, the refusal to take medication, the novelty seeking and the flip floppy language. Speaking off of experience, both firsthand and anecdotal.
You shouldn’t put up with it, if that’s what youre asking. But definitely keep an eye out for any other really risky behaviors or actions in the near future. You and he both are of an age where unaddressed issues will hit like an absolute truck.
Im sorry youre going through this. Especially sorry for your kids. Talk to a lawyer asap.
I am so so sorry this is happening to you. Do you have any family who can come and stay with you?
Your ex-fiance. And good riddance. Make sure you run any unsupervised visitation for your children with him through the courts. He sounds unstable, impetuous and extremely immature. Do not count on him to pay child support.
You need to stop how you react to him and his behaviour and start responding.
He has a MH issue and guess what – he is a walking disaster. You have to protect yourself and your kids as his mood swings and depression will put them at risk – especially when unmedicated.
Do not entertain him. He is not worth it.
He’s off his meds and the gf is crazy. Don’t let them around the kids.
Only speak to him through a parenting app. Do not let him near you. Get tested. This guy is an unstable AH. Talk to a lawyer to see what your options are. Focus on your kids and yourself. He lost any privileges of being in your life beyond coparenting.
Right now you need support up stay strong and separate from him. He must not enter your house. Can anyone help with handovers like your parents? Or could a friend be there to support you?
You absolutely must not let him back in your bed. He will continue to mess you around and you’ll feel worse and worse about yourself.
Girl do not take him back he has no value in your life
I know you pregnant and have a child you didn’t deserve that
But leave now with your head held high please someone is out there who will love and cherish you
Especially as you say you gave him the space he wants now it’s you fault aswell ?
He is mentally unstable, with another mentally unstable person and off his meds … nothing he says is worth your consideration or heartache …this is not the person you may have once loved. You need to take care of yourself and kids. Plenty of practical suggestions here of what to do next, please pick yourself up and move forward without worrying about him. I know easier said than done but when you have kids who depend on the one parent, you have a responsibility to protect them. Take care.
Block him and only talk through a parenting app. I know this is hard but you’re a mother. You need to pull yourself together.
You need distance he is manipulating the hell out of you. He thinks you’ll hold onto the fact that you’ve been together so long and take his scraps. Don’t! You are stronger than you think.
Lean on your family and friends. Tell everyone what he has done to you and your family. Don’t let him inside your house. Meet him at the front door with your daughter.
He is playing you and his girlfriend. Don’t let him play you. The girlfriend signed up to this crap. You know he was cheating with her right?
Talk to a lawyer, follow their advice and keep your distance.
I am so sorry he is doing this to you but look up grey rocking and implement it immediately. He does not love you or respect you. He’s a selfish POS and you deserve better.
You got this mumma ❤️ This is not your fault.
So a depressed guy picks a bipolar girl.
Run for cover. Shelter your kids.
Memorize every single thing.
And get an advocate. No custody for him. Like at all.
A depressed person tends sometimes to take their kids with them if tgey get suicidal.
I’m sorry this is happening for you. Do you have a good support network? It sounds like not only has your partner abandoned you and your children and cheated, but it sounds like he might also be unwell through not taking his meds. To clarify, I’m not excusing that at all, but to ensure you and your children are safe, you may need to have someone else present during contact times, and you should contact a lawyer/children’s services. I would also encourage him to get mental health support, but I say this with a huge caveat, only if it is safe to do so. I’m not saying he is going to harm you by any means, but he is clearly in some kind of episode currently. Please be safe.
Block him on social media, hire a lawyer, and don’t give him time alone with your children until he is back on his meds!
Firstly you need to accept that it is over. This guy is an AH, let his new gf have him. You and your children deserve better.
Text him telling him to get himself a lawyer if he wants to see the kids as you will only allow that with a proper custody order in place.
Tell him that you won’t be answering any more of his calls and will only respond to texts if they specifically about the children. Tell him that you will notify him of the birth of the baby after it has happened.
Tell him he is no longer welcome at your home. Change the locks and don’t let him in if he comes knocking.
Get a lawyer for yourself.
Start documenting everything. He doesn’t sound stable, and his new gf even less so. You need to fight to make sure that any custody/visitation is done as safely as possible for your children.
Reach out to your family and friends. You need as much support as you can get.
What’s going on is he broke up with you but is trying to use you as a back up plan incase it’s doesn’t work out with his new gf because he can’t be alone. Why would you want to be used like that and be second place?. If he really loved you, you’d be first and he wouldn’t have left in the first place. And I’m sorry to say it as it will be painful but theres only two reasons he can be with someone else so soon after leaving you, because he either doesn’t have feelings for you anymore or he never did (I explain below in the comment why I say this here). Have enough respect for yourself not to be a plan B and start moving on with your life and do not entertain him on a romantic level ever again. He literally ended it with you while your pregnant and was cheating on you before he did. Why would you want to be with someone who could do any of that to you?. Mental instability and a tragic past don’t excuse someone’s behaviour. And due to the fact he’s mentally unstable and with someone else who’s mentally unstable you need to protect yourself and your child from them both. Nothing good ever comes from being around mentally unstable people and they are dangerous / destructive if not physically but in other ways to you personally and your life. And stop letting him manipulate you by guilting you into thinking you weren’t a good enough partner and that’s why he did this. Nothing you’ve said you did in the relationship rises to the level of being a bad partner and even if you were nothing justifies him cheating on you (she was definitely with him before you even broke up), blindsiding you, leaving you, using you as a backup and ghosting you. You likely were a good enough partner but he has to have reasons (wether they are true or not, usually not) to justify his shitty behaviour because he knows its wrong and he’s a bad person but his fragile ego can’t accept that he’s a bad person and could do wrong so he needs to think you deserve it / made him do it. Look up narcissistic personality disorder and narcissism. Just because someone doesn’t have the disorder, doesn’t mean they can’t have narcissistic traits and narcissism is often created by or co exists with trauma and other mental health conditions/issues. Thats what I suspect you may be dealing with here on some level, along with his mental health issues. The having to have a new supply (her) set up for when he broke up with you because he can’t be alone (they can’t be alone), being able to move on so fast (narcs can do this easily as they don’t have real feelings for others to begin with), his ability to one day just up and leave with no prior warning (they are masters of fakery and feel no empathy for others), the manipulating you by means of guilt tripping you into thinking your the reason for his bad behaviour and trying to use you as plan B (narcs see people as nothing more than a way of getting their wants / needs met and use them for this purpose only) are all strong and textbook indicators. If he indeed is one / has the traits please know they cannot be treated or change even with psychological intervention / treatment. Also find a good lawyer and start gathering evidence of his mental instability / harmful behaviours e.g document any incidents (keep a journal of them, goes to pattern and proof), texts, emails, phone calls, conversations (record them), injuries if he physical harms you ect as you’ll need this stuff to be able to protect yourself and your children from him if things escalate. For example if he tells you he’s off his meds again, record it or journal it, proof of mental instability. Do the same if he tells you his new gf is “crazy and bipolar” again ect. Document everything going forward, even if it’s exhausting or you think certain things don’t matter. You can’t afford not to do this when dealing with a mentally unstable person. Also document anything to do with the gf too as she’s as much a threat as your ex-finance is due her mental instability. Operate on the principle mentally unstable people are never rational, so you have to be and be prepared for what they may be capable of due to this lack of rationale.
Put him on child support IMMEDIATELY before the bipolar coworker gets pregnant and beats you to it! Hire an attorney. Do NOT let him spend the night. do NOT let hi keep you as an OPTION.He and she are BOTH mentally unstable. He will regret once he does not have access to you. their life will be EXTREMELY miserable with him on child support and them BOTH being mentally unstable. Any man who does this while you are pregnant is worthless, and the woman he is with is THE most low-quality women ever to be with a man with a baby on the way. She is worthless, desperate and VERY low quality, so do NOT feel jealous of her. Also, it is NOT your fault. Do NOT let this narcissistic man BLAMESHIFT you, and blame everything on you. This is HIS fault.
He feels like he doesn’t need his meds because she is new and it’s exciting, they’re temporary endorphins and it’s going to come crashing down on him. Don’t let him have this new woman around your kids ever if she’s “crazy and bipolar” and truthfully I’d question if he is mentally stable enough to be alone with your kids.
As for the rest of it, you need to break up with him. A 13yr old with a 16yr old really runs me the wrong way for starters, but let’s put a pin in that… this guy LEFT YOU. At your most vulnerable time no less. Forget anything related to social media, that’s ridiculous; who cares that he deleted your family? He ACTUALLY left you.
You should not let this guy back into your life. Good riddance.
You let him sleepover? You are not in a relationship with him.
Give him full custody of your toddler
Im so sorry this is happening to you.
To protect your baby, do everything you possibly can to not stress and focus just on you and your mental health and wellbeing.
-Have your mom or best friend come stay with you temporarily so that you aren’t alone when you go in labor and your daughter isn’t traumatized.
-File for an emergency Hearing and get child support immediately.
Your ex has lost his mind for the honeymoon phase sex of the “new”. When that fizzles, he will try to come back to you until someone else comes along and catches his eye. DONT DO IT!
Good luck and have the best labor possible. 🤗
Hugs
He sounds pretty unstable and should not be stopping his meds cold Turkey. Get some legal advice about custody and child support.
Find yourself a new birthing partner as he can’t be trusted to advocate for you when you are vulnerable. Do you have family who can come and stay with you after the birth?
Go to court and get full custody before he kills you and your children. “He wouldn’t do that” yes I’m sure he thought his dad wouldn’t commit suicide. Thank god his dad didn’t do a murder / suicide with his loved ones.
Never let this man in your house again. Never be alone with him ever again! Forget about him leaving you for another woman. His family has a history of mental illness! He is off his meds! You cannot fix that and you are a mother you need to protect your babies. Yes even from their own father.
Once he realized he can’t come back to you or your house. He might get crazy. If he ever say “im going to kill myself if I can’t see my kids” or if he threaten to hurt himself. CALL the police to do a wellness check. This is a serious matter. This man will kill you and your babies once he realized he can’t come back. He is off his meds and not your responsibility to help him!
So he was more like a second kid then a father?
I get that it’s horrible to be pregnant and for him to leave, but honestly it’s the best choice. If he isn’t committed your mental health will make everything ten times worse. Yes it will be very hard post pregnancy and if he shows up, good you can eat sleep and rest. But don’t kid yourself, this man is not the horse to bet on. He have showed he can leave you when it’s rough, plus end of pregnancy. You want nothing to do with a POS like this.
You need to speak to an attorney and get formal child support payments and other rights for your children. You need to block him and only communicate with him about your kids. Updateme