Hi there. I felt a bit awkward at a friends birthday dinner last night and I’d like to hear some thoughts and opinions.
Essentially, I went to a friends birthday dinner at a sushi place the other day and did not want to spend too much on my own meal. I had never been to this restaurant before but I anticipated just getting like an 8 piece roll just for myself as I wasn’t too hungry and didn’t want to spend too much but still wanted to show up and celebrate my friends birthday.
Anyway, we sit down and people just start ordering food on the iPad and I’m a bit confused. I ask my friend how this place works in terms of getting food and they tell me it’s an all you can eat charging 75$ a head. I was a bit taken back as I had already given them a card with 40$ as a bday present but just kinda went along with it as I didn’t want to be the person making a fuss. I did not wake up that morning thinking I was going to spend over 100$.
Where I’m going with this is, is this normal to have to get your friends a gift/money when you’re also spending money to eat out with them for their birthday? I also feel like my friend should have mentioned it was an expensive restaurant or should I have looked the place up online before agreeing to go?
Anyway, just looking for some thoughts as I enter my early 20s and it’s not like in high school anymore where someone has a birthday party at their house and everyone gets them a gift lol.
Comments
They sound inconsiderate
Ugh, that’s a tricky situation! I totally get wanting to be a good friend without breaking the bank. Honestly, $75 for sushi is wild! I think a heads-up would have been nice. It’s like, gift OR expensive dinner, not both, right? Do you think bringing it up casually would damage the friendship?
I think a small gift such as a bottle of wine or something they would like is polite, but they definitely should have mentioned before that it was going to be $75. In the future I would just search up the restaurant to be on the safe side
You’ve reached the age where the responsibility to “check out” the restaurant falls on you before choosing to accept the invite.
I never say yes before making sure 1) there’s food I want to try 2) the pricing structure.
If nothing meets your fancy or price level , you have a right to say “no” without guilt or fear of missing out.
It’s reasonable to check the restaurant yourself before accepting an invitation. Adults sometimes have different levels of disposable income.. and you shouldn’t assume that someone else’s idea of a reasonable cost for dinner is the same as yours.
Yes, it’s polite to bring a gift too.
I think you gave too much cash as a gift knowing that you had to pay your own way. Yes, you could have looked up the restaurant but your friend should have warned you of the minimum spend. Where I come from that’s a lot of money for a meal and not something I’d pay.
I think it would’ve been courteous of your friend to mention that it’s a set price restaurant.. to some people $75 is nothing, but to others especially in their early 20’s in this economy that could be their groceries for the week… but at least you’ve learned a lesson to check things out for yourself next time, not everyone is considerate of things like that.
As for the gift, IMO it depends. Are they a close friend, do you have something in mind that they would really like? Can you afford it? It’s generally OK to not bring a gift for birthday outings where the guests have to pay to join. Personally I don’t expect gifts, especially from friends I’m not suuuper close with, of course it feels good to get them haha, but it’s nice to just have people show up and celebrate.
Though it all really depends on your culture, the expectations in your circle of friends etc. but that’s just my two cents
Always look up a restaurant that you’ve never been to. You don’t need to give a birthday present if they aren’t hosting a birthday party and supplying you food/drinks.
Where did this take place? OP is not in the US.