Me(19f) in a relationship with (19m) I really love him and enjoy my time with him, but we have been really arguing a lot and we always come up to the same conclusion. But he doesn’t seem to understand. We are different people and we view things and matters differently. I try my best to not allow misunderstanding to occur by listening carefully and asking questions to make sure I understood. Another problem could be also how we generally speak and think. I always keep on telling him that he should keep in mind that my intentions are never to hurt him, English isn’t my first language, and it’s hard for me to explain or express myself well. I only asked him to try to approach things from an understanding perspective instead of taking it as if I’m attacking him. The only two things I ever asked of him is to be a bit understanding, and to please understand that we view things and life differently. He tends to be a bit emotional, and I have learned recently that he seemed to be bottling up things without talking to me about them(therefore coming to the conclusion that I’m manipulative, and a gaslighter). This confused me even more due to us working things out, and him agreeing with me that there are things we both should work on(but him not communicating with me for not just once, twice, but three times throughout our relationship). I love him and I want this to work out but at the same time just like he is emotionally tired so am I. He tends to make what he feels to be facts, even though it’s usually not. I try to be respectful and to not invalidate his feelings, but we both are tired and he blocked me(but I have a feeling that he will come back around) but I’m not sure if I should keep him in my life anymore. Any help or advice please?
In a relationship need advice to know if it is worth fighting for or not
r/Advice
Comments
You deserve a relationship where communication flows both ways, not one where you’re walking on eggshells. If he’s emotionally checking out and blocking you instead of working things through, that’s not love it’s avoidance. Don’t stay just because you hope he’ll come back; stay only if he’s willing to meet you halfway.
Love is not enough without understanding. You’re trying while he shuts down and turns hurt into blame.
Different views and language struggles are okay if both people want to understand. If he blocks you instead of talking and keeps calling you things like manipulative, that is not love. If he comes back but nothing changes, ask yourself if staying will only keep hurting you.
Communication is key in any relationship. You can’t make it work if he won’t communicate openly with you. Be with someone who respects and understands your feelings, not dictates them.
Different personalities are a big challenge. Different cultures are an even bigger challenge, particularly when one partner believes there is a “right way” and a “wrong way” to do things. Either you can resolve (not just talk about) differences and both change and adopt a compromise perspective, or you’re in for a world of frustration and hurt feelings. I’d say you’re both young and that different life experiences can also change attitudes.