So my bf and I have been together for almost two years, I love him very much and we have an amazing relationship before all this I honestly saw myself marrying this man. But sometimes sexual intimacy can be a little difficult for us. By that I mean that about 10 months into our relationship, it started to feel like he was less interested in sex, we’d still be intimate but it was like once a week and quick. He just felt disconnected from it and this lasted a bit, I eventually checked his phone while he was sleeping (and I know I shouldn’t have but I did) and saw that he had been texting w another woman, possibly setting to meet up. I went ballistic on him but said he was never actually going to do it and expressed major regret.
He explained to me that he felt overwhelmed w all the recent changes in life (we moved in together and he was going through a bit of work & family trouble) and expressed major regret. I was apprehensive but didn’t want to lose the first genuine connection I’ve had in so long that I stayed. But since then I have caught him watching girls on OF and Jerkmate several times, the most recent was that he had quite literally sent nudes of himself to these women and I saw the cash exchange as he had screenshot how much he’d sent them and deleted it. I confronted him and we had a huge conversation, he told me he believes he’s addicted to porn and I agreed with him, he said he’d never do it again but I know he’s still clicking on onlyfans links on his IG. I understand I’ve invaded his privacy majorly, but I feel as though he’s betrayed my trust.
I’ve told him the struggle this has caused to my self confidence and worth, that I feel as though I am not enough for him, he reassures me every time and I honestly have no doubt that he loves me, but I’m very scared. I love him with all my heart but I do not know if that is mutual, if he wants me the same way I want him. What should I do? How can I tell him that this needs to end in a way that won’t effectively end our relationship and how can I be more understanding if this truly is an addiction for him?
Comments
He’s using porn “addiction” to obscure the fact that he has cheated.
Texting conversations to meet up and sending pics is cheating unless stated explicitly in a prior conversation that it’s not. He definitely planned to meet that woman. You believe he didn’t plan to meet her, honestly??
Walk away, respect yourself.
Break up instantly he’s cheating and there’s no way to justify that
He isn’t addicted , he just likes it and is using it as an excuse. You deserve better
Babe when people say walk.. Don’t. Just run please
He is holding on to you until he finds the next one. He done with you why else have conversations outside with other women. Time to bite the bullet and move on.
There is no doubt that he cheated on him, which is a stupid reason he found.
Break up with him he’s not into you anymore
Yeah bro disconnected with you and connected with someone else. When you feel that disconnection and went looking, that was already past the moment he should have talked to you about how he was feeling about the relationship.
Him being overwhelmed is a stupid excuse that I’ve heard before. My life is hard! Let me put in EXTRA energy for someone else! It’s not just a porn addiction. His activity on OF/Jerkmate is more *live* than porn. He’s looking for a connection tbh. He will try again with someone real as soon as the opportunity presents itself.
He wants his cake and to eat it too. I don’t think you’re looking at this from the right angle. I say get rid of the guy. I’m sure he will feel bad, but that’s a small consequence when it comes to infidelity. Maybe he will feel worse for the next girl and choose not to cheat. He’s proving that you aren’t that girl IMO.
That’s disgusting and straight up cheating, break up with him. Call me insecure but for me it’s wrong to watch porn and stuff like that while being in a relationship, you have your partner to satisfy you
You could watch together and talk
That is SUCH a red flag. If he gets more excited by looking at other women and masturbating than looking at u & actually doing the thing with u, I would leave. I understand it is hard but if I’ve learnt one thing in this life it is that I should never have so much hope for someone who doesn’t show progress at all despite saying they wanna change. Lost 3 years of my life and myself by waiting for someone to change. They rarely do if they didn’t the first time. One of my biggest regrets, even tho I loved him SO much, was my first love and I can only hope to love someone like that again. But ALWAYS choose yourself. Whatever u decide to do, I wish u the best of luck. I really hope u hear what I’m saying tho. If u go deep into it, what is he addicted to? The girls. Other girls. Because if it was sex he would have it with you.