I 29/M and my girlfriend 26/F have been together on and off for 2 years. The last year has been really serious and we’ve been living together for about a year now and she has money issues. I’ve been paying all the bills and I’ve been trying to save for a house. We can only use my credit because hers isn’t good.
She has $20,000 in credit card debt and about $4000 on a car. The thing that concerns me is she isn’t trying to pay off her debt and frequently wastes money on stupid things. I asked about how it’s going about a month ago and she said she hasn’t made much progress on it. In the last 2 months she’s gotten a new iPad, got a $300-400 tattoo and wants to take 3 small trips in the next two months. Which are easily a couple grand between both of us.
I do love her but realize this is unsustainable and I don’t think she’ll change her habits and it’s to the point I’m thinking about breaking up with her over it. What can I do to help her realize the severity of having debt like this and not getting rid of it?
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Breaking up is your only option here. She wont change for you in this way.
You get out now. Don’t marry her and make sure she knows it’s because of her spending. Or you could just let it ride and end up on Caleb Hammer in 2 years
Ditch her, because she’s not trying to change. Soon, it’ll be your finances getting fucked too
I don’t think she’ll ever see it that way. She’s aware of it all and just continues..
Get out now before she ruins your finances as well or you end up with children
I would start by telling her she needs to pay 50% of the bills. Share your feelings and worry about the future. You are enabling her spending habits so stop. Then offer to help her with a budget. See what happens in the next couple months and then evaluate the situation again.
Do you want to live your life always having to double check, baby her, and walk on egg shells?
Leave her. Someone like this will only get worse bc she will be like well you’re my husband.. blah blah blah
The root of so many issues in relationships is finance, so you’ll have to have a serious conversation with her about it. She might be working under the assumption that you’ll fill in the gaps and take care of her financially. If you let her know you’re not prepared to do this, it might make her realise how serious it is. Sit down together and talk to a financial adviser. Ask questions like when can we afford a house together under the current circumstances. You can’t climb the ladder together like this.
Unfortunately, she’s not likely to change until she faces real consequences for her choices. A breakup and consequent loss of one of her safety nets is one such consequence. Yeah, I’d breakup over this.
You said yourself she’s not trying to change. You clearly value financial stability and this makes you guys a mismatch.
If at her age she’s not interested in getting on top of her finances, you aren’t going to be able to make her care. Move on so you can both find people you’re more suited for.
Bro. It’s time to cut ties. Before u end up 100k in debt that gets transferred to you.
Ur the idiot who pays for her fancy lifestyle. Ur an atm.
U can’t force people to change. They have to want it. Breaking up with her and her living her own life might be what she actually needs.
Talk to her. Tell her that her spending issue is giving you second thoughts on the relationship. Explain that you’ve been paying bills to try and help her pay off hers, but that she’s spending frivolously on things that are not essential and has not been doing right.
Tell her that you feel this is unsustainable long term. If she does not stop, you’ll have to break up.
It’s a harsh truth that maybe she needs to hear. You’re paying bills and she’s buying tattoos, electronics and vacations. That is not how responsible adults behave while in debt and living off of their partner.
You deserve someone who desires the same future stability as you. She isn’t it.
I’m really struggling to wrap my head around how someone can let debt get this far out of control without realizing the gravity of the situation, aren’t the mounting monthly payments like a giant flashing neon sign? How does one miss those obvious red flags until it’s spiraling into a crisis?
Be honest with her. A relationship is about building a life together. If that’s what she wants, she needs to actively work on paying down debt and building credit or you can’t see a future together.
Get out! She will ruin your credit and you will find yourself in a massive amount of debt caused by her recklessness.
You should break up she is too old to be this irresponsible. She is going to drag you down.
Don’t marry each other and stop living together until you can figure out how to manage money together and in a way that is comfortable to both of you. Mismatch in financial management is a big cause for divorce and break ups.
Right now, you are enabling her overspending and lack of financial responsibility. I’d say you can no longer be her safety net for finances until SHE takes the steps to reduce her debt and to keep it down permanently. I get emergencies and occasional splurges but multiple splurges over a couple of months?
You will be unable to save for a house, college/education for kids, retirement with a partner like her. Is this what you want? I get young and wanting to be able to enjoy life. AND this is the best time to start saving for retirement. You can do both with good planning.
You can love someone else who is better with money. Get out now before you’re married and she bankrupts you
Your financial irresponsibility is her investment.
In my opinion, women these days are subliminally taught that the amount of money spent on them is directly tied to their physical attractiveness and their self worth as individuals. It’s not her fault but it is her reasoning, it seems like. Furthermore having that debt, to a woman like her, is much less of a liability than it is to you. Her “investment” is the gamble that if not you, some guy down the road will pay it off regardless if he’s able to afford it. So 3-5 years from now it’s likely most of that stuff will eventually get paid for in no small part due to male romantic partners. Why would she pay any more than the bare minimum?
You can’t force her to understand!
You may love her but love doesn’t pay the bills!
You don’t stay with her. A huge amount of marriages end because of financial reasons.
Time to leave. As long as you’re there to pay the bills, she won’t change. After all, as long as you’re supporting her, why should she?
Do NOT wife her up!