My wife suffers from C-PTSD, along with Anxiety and Depression. When she gets upset she self-isolates and emotes (which is okay for the most part). When I try to help her she goes on a tangent oh “what a piece of shit I (her) am”, that my life would be “better without her” (something I’ve never said before). She calls herself a “waste of space”…etc. I try to reassure her that she’s not any of those things but she won’t listen to me. I end up becoming the bad guy (even if I wasn’t the one to put her in this emotional state).
She keeps telling me to “be there for her” during these down time, but I am trying. I’m trying to listen, soft and slow reassuring touch, validating her emotions. But still nothing, I get all the attitude and guilt for “not being there for her”. I keep reassuring her that I’m trying my best and if I didn’t care I wouldn’t be there. But still nothing.
I appreciate any advice that you all might have.
Thank you
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There is really nothing you can do other than what you’re already doing. She has to want to change. She needs serious help, ie therapy and medication.
Is she in therapy? If so, what kind of therapy? Meaning talk therapy, DBT, CBT?
It’s enabling her behavior to keep giving her what she wants, your attention and your apologies. It’s something she never got as a kid and she’s trying to heal that through you.
It’s hindering her getting better and will drag out her mental health issues longer.
It sounds harsh, but it’s real. Are you guys already in couples counseling? If not, you need to be. Your mental health declining is a death spiral for both of you. You need professional intervention.
Be strong and willing to accept you need more support. Gently suggest it to your wife. You can tell her it’s because you want to be able to be there for her better.
It’s a real struggle. I get where you’re coming from. But remember, OP, her behavior is the illness speaking, not her.
I understand that CPTSD and depression are tough and everyone is different. It took extensive therapy and hard work on my end to learn the tools to manage them.
But that’s what she needs. You’re enabling her. It’s not helping. She needs professional support.