We have been dating for 2 months and at the beginning she told me she had attachment issues witch was fine with me. Then around 2 months later she wanted to do the nasty and when we where about to do it I realized she had a penis and after that a made an awkward reason why I had to leave (I’m straight btw) I don’t know how to break up with her please give me suggestions I don’t want to hurt her.
My girlfriend is Trans and she didn’t tell me. Idk what to do
r/Advice
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That’s really heavy and it’s okay to feel confused and want to be honest. You’re not wrong for knowing what you’re comfortable with. Just be kind but clear. You could say something like:
“I care about you and I didn’t want to hurt you, but I realize I can’t continue this relationship because I’m not able to be the partner you deserve. I’m really sorry, but I have to be honest about what I can handle.”
Be respectful, don’t blame her, and set your boundary firmly. You’ve got this.
She should have told you well before it got that far in the proceedings. You could say that you don’t appreciate being lied to as that is what it is, and you did not have informed consent.
Might be best for you to just say “we’re done; have a nice life” and leave it at that.
edit: gotta say that I can’t really cosign that whole “don’t blame her” notion that someone else said.
This is something that every single person here knows is relevant information to virtually everyone in a dating situation. It may be the type of thing that you understand why she didn’t come out with it – it may be the type of thing that doesn’t need to be disclosed immediately… But we should all be on the same page that keeping that info from you for two months was a choice.
So while I wouldn’t encourage you to be rude or hateful; I don’t think you need to be overly understanding either… because let’s face it, obviously she wasn’t.
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A lie of omission is still a lie. This person should have been level with you up front. TBH, this seems a like a fake story but I have to ask how it took 2 months to figure this out. The real question if you knew this person was packing would have moved forward with this relationship?
It’s okay to feel confused this is a situation that caught you off guard. You’re allowed to have boundaries in relationships, and she’s allowed to live her truth. Just be honest and kind: let her know that you respect her but that you’re not the right person for her. It’ll hurt, but clarity and respect are better than silence or avoidance.
Well to start out you should have been told before the relationship got that far.
You just need to man up and explain that your a straight male and prefer your women with a vagina. It’s that simple.
Being Trans doesn’t make them a bad person. Preferences for your potential mate doesn’t make you a bad person. Your simply just not compatible.
Sit down together and explain that to them in a kind and respectful way and then live the rest of your life.
First of, I’m so proud of you that you are still calling her, her.
Second, it won’t be fun and pretty but you can sit with her and tell her that you don’t see the relationship go anywhere. Reasons are that she lied by omition. That if she wasn’t honest with something this important from the start, how will you know what she will be ready to keep for herself. And you can tell her that while she’s a good person, you’re also not attracted to dicks. Physical attractions is important
Right now I’m imagining your face when it popped out of her underwear like a hungry snake ready to attack its pray 🤣
It was her responsibility to tell u she is trans before it came to a surprise penis. She will never find an appropriate partner if she isn’t honest. This was her mistake. Tell her you are not pansexual, she should have been honest and told you with her words, and that you wish her luck finding an appropriate partner.
I understand her hesitation but this is something you should have been told about before getting intimate. You have a right to make an informed decision. There is nothing wrong with her being trans but there is nothing wrong with you having preferences. You’re not a bad person for only being attracted to biological women with vaginas. You handled it respectfully and that’s fantastic. You need to have a talk and just be completely honest with her!
Why would somebody not tell somebody. That’s a need to know.
You are allowed to be your sexual orientation just as she is allowed to be hers. Keeping something like this is inappropriate, wrong, and manipulative. You’re not in the wrong here. It’s good of you that you’re considering what to do and taking her feelings into account, but what she did was not ok and you are well within your right to simply say “I’m sorry, but I’m not pansexual and so this isn’t going to work for me. I care for you very much, but I don’t see this going further.” Good luck.
RUNNNNNNN!!!!!! holy shit
👻
Springing a different tool than what says on the box, that’s some bullshit.
This is within the first meeting or date disclosure. Many people have been killed by lying and hiding this from someone they want too date until they are getting hot and heavy. You would’ve had every right too feel angry and murderous. Aslong as you didn’t act on that and attack them. Since this is a breach of trust that is emotional, physical & psychological. You do not start a relationship on this and hope it’ll work out.
If that’s how she is going about her relationships it’s no wonder she has attachment issues.
You can’t negotiate attraction. If penises don’t do it for you then it’s time to end things. You don’t have to be mean about it. They should have been honest about their situation before sex was on the table and they broke trust when they weren’t. Do you ultimately want kids? That’s a big factor.
Remember, you don’t have to have a reason for ending a relationship. In this situation you have several. But – you can always do it with kindness; not using pejorative language, not raising your voice. If the situation becomes hostile just remain calm, stick to your boundaries, and cut all contact.
That’s a breach of trust in my opinion. She should have told you before getting you into a sexual setting and let you decide if you’re okay with that or not. It’s not transphobic to not want a partner with a penis, so don’t feel too bad about the breakup if possible. Just explain why what she did was wrong and that’s the reason you’re leaving.
They should of been honest with you from the gecko.
Would essentially just say
I am sorry but i cant do this in the greatest amount of respect therefore you dont get blacklisted later down the line.
Finish it off with goodbye
And after block all contact because that’s WILD
You kissed the man and you like it.
The taste of his cherry chapstick.
You kissed a man just to try it
You hope your girlfriend don’t mind it
It felt so wrong; it felt so right
Don’t mean you’re in love tonight
You kissed a man and you liked it
Bro you’re gay now …. Don’t tell your friends… Aaand just tell that man that you’re not into it ….b
You kissed the man and you like it.
The taste of his cherry chapstick.
You kissed a man just to try it
You hope your girlfriend don’t mind it
It felt so wrong; it felt so right
Don’t mean you’re in love tonight
You kissed a man and you liked it
Bro you’re gay now …. Don’t tell your friends… Aaand just tell that man that you’re not into it ….b
You leave ? If you’re straight do you want to have sex with a girl with a penis? That’s on you. But she also lied to you, so that’s a red flag. That is something you disclose when you date a person.
Break up. She didn’t tell you.
There was you always wondering why she opted for anal and didn’t mind giving you blowies.
Sorry bud but did you not question the Adams apple?
There’s no narrative to prevent her hurt. Politely say, “we’re not a good fit, I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
Just tell her you aren’t compatible. And leave it at that. She should have been responsible and told you upfront. No one should be surprised like that.
Tbh its unfair that she didn’t tell you that she has a dick. And that was misconception of them. That is very deceptive of them.
Be honest with her. You aren’t attracted to persons with a penis. And, she lied by omission. We may understand—but honestly, she put herself at higher risk by disclosing in that way. And want fair to you.
How to break up???
She (he) lied to you for 2 months, in this story YOU are the victim,not this liar. I wouldn’t consider her feelings after this kind of behavior.
This shit is illegal in many countries. Abominable behaviour. Just block them and move on with your life. Sorry this happened to you.
Sounds like you got a boyfriend….
This is akin to catfishing. Dump her immediately, you had every right to know what genitals you were about to see before it was sexy time.
Was they really just expecting you to suck their dick and then bend over and take it in the butt like its just a regular day for a dude.
Tell them you aren’t gay and are not attracted to penises. They defrauded you and depending on where you live, you could press charges. They should have told you before any physical intimacy.
It’s a consent issue as well.
LOL. OP has earned the reddit banana enthusiast badge
She wants to be what physically he can not be. She deluded himself into believing he was a girl. He lied to himself and you. There are so many things not right about that. The love you feel is real. Everything else was an illusion of want. What he did was not right. Start a new.
She was probably too nervous to tell you because she thought you would reject her, it’s not your fault either. she will have to tell any future partner before they get intimate, you just have to be honest with her
Given the many transphobic responses in here, I totally understand why she kept that from you. If you got to the point of calling her your girlfriend, I feel like you found her attractive and enjoyed her as a person. Given that I don’t know if there’s an exact right time to bring it up, I’m sure she was hoping by building a connection with you it’s more likely you’d be open to it.
I’m sure lots of ppl on here may say that trans ppl should always be clear right from the start (tho many are). It’s not always easy to do that, between the high risk of violence, harassment and also the complete opposite problem, fetishization, there’s lots of reasons for trans ppl to withhold it.
Talking to her about how you were caught off guard is important. That you haven’t had any experience with trans women and despite enjoying your time together with her, you don’t feel that’s what you’re looking for. Feel free to talk about wishing they had brought it up sooner, but I think it’s fair to hear them explain their side of things too. The most important part is to be respectful and not shame them.
First up, not everyone who appears female but has a penis is trans. Intersex people exist.
Either way, as difficult and scary as it is, as unsafe and awful as society makes life for literately every minority, honesty is always best.
“It’s over and you know why”
This is funny as hell. What was the look on your face when you reached down and realized her clit was larger than your dick? Do you find masculine looking women more attractive? Is she a large broad strong girl or a small thin thing, like a little boy in long hair. What about her made you think she was a girl and not a guy?
You should do an AMA, instead of this post.
Tell her you’re not gay..then bye. But you still kissed a guy. That sucks
So sorry this happened to you. Praying. I think he’s (calling her a he on purpose) obviously uncomfortable with how he was born and feels unloved so he changed himself and now wants you to be okay with who he became, but you can’t just hide this.
Does he wear makeup to make it not obvious that he’s a man?
So sorry this happened. Pray about it and then talk to him saying what you are and that you don’t feel comfortable doing it with him when she’s a him.
He chose to do that to you. It violated your trust.
Well she did say she had attachment issues. She just meant it’s still attached
You decide whether that’s a dealbreaker or not, and if so, you break the deal.
You’re handling this really well. I would just tell her that you’re not physically compatible, that she lied by omition and if you can’t trust her on this, what would you be able to trust her on.