Hey everyone,
I’ve been dating my girlfriend (23F) for a few months now and overall things have been amazing. We love each other, communicate well, and are even planning to move in together. But something happened recently that I can’t shake off, and I’m looking for advice on how to deal with the feelings that came from it.
We live about an hour apart but visit each other often. During a recent family gathering at her place, one of her close male friends (18M) showed up — she says he’s one of her best friends, and he’s a few years younger than her.
As soon as he arrived, she gave him all her attention. I barely saw or spoke to her for the rest of the evening. She went outside to hang out with him and her family, and I stayed inside mostly alone, except for briefly chatting with someone else. I felt invisible, like I didn’t belong there.
Later at home, I told her how it made me feel. She was surprised I took it that way, but she apologized and said it wasn’t intentional. She even mentioned that if the roles were reversed, she’d probably be upset too — so she seemed to understand where I was coming from.
We’re okay now, and she’s been kind and attentive since. But I still can’t fully shake the discomfort. Part of it is that I strongly believe this guy has feelings for her, even if she doesn’t see it. That makes me feel uneasy, though I know I can’t control who her friends are.
What I’m struggling with is how to move past this. How do I deal with the lingering discomfort without becoming paranoid or overly jealous? I don’t want to create problems in a relationship that’s otherwise really healthy, but I also don’t want to ignore how I feel.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you handle it?
Thanks in advance for any thoughts or advice.
TL;DR:
23M in a relationship with 23F for a few months. At a family gathering, she gave all her attention to her 18M friend and completely ignored me. I told her how it made me feel, she apologized and understood, but it still bothers me — especially since I’m pretty sure he has feelings for her. Not trying to be jealous, but I’m not sure how to move past it. Advice?