I (28M) have been dating someone (24F) for a little over a month. Things progressed quickly… we really connected, spent a lot of time together early on, and recently made things official. I genuinely like her and have been happy in the relationship so far.
On our sixth date, she told me that she has bipolar 1. This is the first I heard of it. I wasn’t upset at the reveal itself, but I was surprised that it came after we committed to each other. I understand that mental health is deeply personal, and she may have been scared to disclose it too early, but I’m trying to process what this means for the relationship now.
I don’t know exactly what her regimen looks like in terms of medications but I know that she sees a therpaist. She told me that she would always keep her highs and lows from me but I don’t exactly know how that works. She also mentioned she likes to “ride the highs and lows.” That honestly gave me pause. I don’t know what her manic or depressive episodes look like, how often they happen, or how it might affect us longterm. I’m not judging her, but I am trying to be realistic.
I’ve dated people in the past with mental health challenges (anxiety, disordered eating, etc.), and while I know relationships aren’t easy for anyone, I’ve sometimes taken on more emotional weight than I could handle. I want to be supportive, but I also want to avoid repeating old patterns where I sacrifice my stability for someone else’s needs.
I’m looking for advice from anyone who’s been in a relationship with someone who has bipolar 1. What should I ask? What should I watch out for? What would you have wanted to know early on?
TL;DR:
Girlfriend revealed she has bipolar 1 after we became official. I care about her but want to be realistic. Looking for advice on what to expect.
Comments
Your 3rd paragraph has a lot of “i dont knows” about things you should clarify.
My recommendation is uh…talk to your girlfriend.
You’ve got to talk it out together. But this statement is concerning:
>She also mentioned she likes to “ride the highs and lows.”
It means stability is not high on her priority list if that’s her viewpoint. And that will have a significant impact on your daily life even if she tries to hide her highs and lows from you (which is not actually possible unless you only have a very superficial relationship).
Roll with it. Be there for her but if it gets too much take a step back and recenter yourself.
Sounds like she was really worried about telling you. And these kind of talks aren’t for first or even second dates. This woman had to get comfortable with you before she could tell you.
Just know the limits and know when you step in and step back.
Also, another good thing is to talk more with her about it, get to know what happens with her disorder and research the best ways to manage it. It might give you a clearer idea of what to look out for and how you guys get through those challenging times.
A month in is still VERY early. I’m a bit confused as to why it’s being portrayed as if this is a disclosure that’s coming deep into the relationship