My boyfriend (35M) and I (31F) have been together over 2 years, live together in a house we purchased together, have a 15 month old baby together and he has 3 children from his ex wife. We are very much committed and serious.
He has one particular friend (35M) named Mark who has co-ed events, gatherings, etc. that I am explicitly not invited to. Yet, there are other couples there and also males and females who are single. It’s a “friend group”. I have never met any of them.
He is now inviting my boyfriend to a camping trip that I was not invited to at all. There will be drinking because there always is, and couples and singles there.
The first time he reconnected with this friend Mark after many years was last year in 2024, when my boyfriend went to a friend’s giving party at his house and ended up extremely drunk while I was at home with our baby. He was there for nearly 9 hours and I finally had someone come watch my baby monitor and I had to physically go to the party to see if he would come home after refusing to come home at 1 AM.
There was also a girl there named Jasmine who he gave his number to because he claims she’s a barber (checked out) and that she’s married. But, later he received a Facebook message from Mark talking about telling my boyfriend’s baby mama (me) about how he cheated with Jasmine. Jasmine will be at the camping trip.
He promised nothing happened and that it was a “joke”. However, that detail aside, I still don’t know if it’s appropriate to go to a trip like this without your partner who was specifically not invited. I do believe him that nothing happened. But, the detail does matter.
I will never be invited, not because of me or who I am, but because my boyfriend states “Mark doesn’t invite anyone not in his friend circle”.
He did go to another event later that he handled himself better than the first.
So here we are, he is wanting to go on a camping trip with these people whom I’ve never met, and the woman above and her SO, without me while I’m at home with our 15 month old son.
If it was a guys trip, I would not care. If it was something I was invited to and I declined, I would not care. If it was people I also knew, CO ED OR NOT, and even had met once or twice, I would not care. But none of these are the case.
I did go to see a girlfriend that we both know and trust in her city two weeks ago, and stayed at her house and we went to a bar and then went back to her home. But he knows her and it was planned a month in advance.
He claims it’s no different, and that he needs a break to relax and recharge and camp and paddleboard. I agree he deserves to do things without me and get a break as well, but not if the break he is choosing is inappropriate.
Last context, I was 5 months pregnant in 2023 when he cheated on me multiple times with his ex wife, then he said we needed a “break” when I was pregnant and went off on his own for two weeks and slept with her again more than once. He also didn’t come home on Halloween when I was pregnant because he was busy drinking with his ex wife at her house. We have mostly worked through this issue.
What’s everyone’s thoughts? Open to constructive feedback and advice. I’m not always right, and am I overreacting? Maybe?
TL;DR; : Is my (31F) boyfriend (35M) going to a co ed camping trip I’m not invited to appropriate in a committed relationship when there are other couples and singles there?.
Comments
It’s weird that your boyfriend doesn’t ask Mark if he can bring you. Like very weird.
Lol ya it is appropriate to go on camping trips with men and women, it is a camping trip not an orgy.
The problem here is not a co-ed camping trip. The problem is his weird friend Mark who is supposedly excluding you from these events. That is so weird, in fact, that I don’t believe it. I believe your bf has been lying to you.
It seems like there are bigger issues than a coed sleepover. It’s a huge red flag that he won’t even introduce you to the group. He’s already been sketchy at best, cheated at worst, in the group. And he seems to not care at all how it impacts you. You’re not overreacting, but I’d evaluate the rest of the relationship and analyze if it’s really a healthy positive relationship for you.
I don’t trust the boyfriend. Once a cheater, always a cheater. He’s already proven this over and over. Co-ed camping trip- not a big deal…. Co-ed trip specifically without your SO- red flag!
Red flag. Not that a trip can co-ed, but everything else. The never having the chance to even meet the friend group, your partner not even willing to ask on your behalf makes it seem like he just doesn’t want you there.
Use a condom with your next boo. Wtf is with having a baby right at the beginning of the relationship. Use your brain too
Your bf is the one not inviting you, not mark.
Also he sounds like he sucks in general. Is this how you want to live your life?
yes clearly there’s some issue/chemistry or more with Yasmine
Your boyfriend is cheating. One way or another. This whole thing doesn’t make sense and the other woman being in the picture, even if she’s supposedly married, is a massive red flag.
Also, he cheated on his ex with you. What makes you think he isn’t repeating that behaviour?
What % of you believes he didn’t cheat on you?
Either his friend was joking and trying to break you up, or he wasn’t joking. If it’s the former, his friend is trying to exclude you and your boyfriend isn’t sticking up for you. If it’s the latter…then he cheated on you.
This is all a mess regardless
I am so sorry.
There’s no loyalty involved in that man, if you want a standard monogamous relationship you’ll definitely have to find someone else.
He definitely is going to “get it in” and in your shoes, I would be gone by the time he gets back, or packing all his things and dropping them off at his ex-wifes property/Marks property.
Everything screams “how are you still here.”
Yes, it’s a huge red flag. Why isn’t he introducing you to the group or to Mark? Has Mark told you he won’t invite you, or is that something you have heard second hand from your boyfriend? There isn’t an issue with doing things separately. There is an issue when you are specifically excluded from things for no specific reason. If it was a small gathering of old friends, then fair enough. But this is multiple couples. But tbh even without this trip, he has cheated on you before, and that joke about jasmine is not normal or funny. I genuinely don’t think that’s a joke, especially because he has a history of cheating. Honestly, even without the trip, I would get out of that relationship. You deserve better than someone who cheats on you .
It is extremely unlikely that the reason you aren’t invited is that Mark is completely unwilling ever to make new friends. If you’ve never met Mark and he calls you the “baby mama”, that is because that’s how your boyfriend has presented you to him. Not his serious committed partner, not his girlfriend, his baby mama.
It sounds like your boyfriend realized when reconnecting with Mark that he had a chance to keep you excluded from a social circle where he could cheat with impunity, and that is exactly what he’s doing.
Lmao I love you you bury the tidbit about your boyfriend cheating on you at the end. You’ve already told your boyfriend cheating on you is okay by staying with him through all of this so I dont understand the problem here? Just let him go on the trip and hook up.
That’s straight-up bullshit.
I wouldn’t trust him at all.
I wouldn’t go if my gf was not allowed.
I don’t believe that story about Mark not inviting anyone not super close.
No actual friend does that unless there’s a good reason for that person not to go.
If your bf has already done that stuff?
Read between the lines please
Yeah. This isn’t about Mark. Mark doesn’t know you’re not invited.
Your boyfriend doesn’t want you there because you interfere with his cheating and drinking.
Have some respect and get rid of him.
Girl pick your self worth up off the floor. Is this the example you want to show your children? He is a serial cheater who either cheated with Jasmine OR stayed friends with someone who tried to break you two up, is an irresponsible father and so immature that at 35 with four kids at home he can’t know his limit and play within it. I wouldn’t be surprised if all the emotional, household and mental labour falls on you to boot.
Find someone who actually WANTS to spend time with you and your family.
Why the hell are you still with this man?
a man who cheats on you while you are pregnant does not love or respect you, your body, your time, or your relationship. you already know the answer in your gut