My parents are divorced and during the summer I usually go back and forth each week. However I turn 18 in three days so yesterday morning when I left my dad’s house I took a suitcase without him knowing.
There’s a few reasons I’m leaving mostly bc I’m done watching my brother being abused right in front of me without being able to do anything I’m also tried of not having my identity as a man (I’m ftm trans) not being recognized and often getting in trouble for both it and my political beliefs.
My mom and our family are taking a trip to the beach this week and we leave tomorrow and my dad doesn’t know and him and my stepmom keep texting me “checking in” and trying to plan a party at his house that’s never gonna happen and I haven’t been responding to the point he messaged my mom. She’s worried he could report me as missing but I really don’t want to text back so advice about that would be great.
Also advice about what to do about my brother (17m) he’s a few months younger than me and we’re not technically related other than through marriage but I’ve known him most of my life. He has autism and his mother and my father punish him for stimming and not having great motor skills.
One example I can think of is when he was struggling to put on his watch and she shoved him into the counter and shoved his own arm against his face. He’s constantly in trouble and being yelled at, made to do right offs and shoved around but he says he misses his mom when she’s not around and that he loves her. His dad’s not in the picture really except for occasional FaceTimes and visits but I think that’s by choice. Cps has been involved with both of us before but I never had the courage to say anything bc I knew it would make it worse. I took videos of the audio of them yelling and hitting but never actually where you can see them so I don’t know if that’s helpful. I really don’t know what to do and any advice is appreciated.
Comments
You’re right to run, silence feeds abuse. Send one message to stop a report then use your freedom to protect your brother.
Your mom could simply tell him that she’s heard from you and you’re fine. Even if you’re reported missing, you/your mom can contact the police (or answer their call) and say you’re not missing, you’re fine. I can’t imagine there’s any mechanism for the police to forcibly take a nearly 18 year old back to your father’s when you’re with your other parent. Absent very weird specific custody issues.
The short answer is I don’t think you need to do anything. If you’re reported missing, tell the authorities that you’re fine, happy, with your mother, that’ll be the end of their interest. You can’t make them stop texting you, although you could block their numbers. And you could contact CPS yourself to try and get your brother whatever help you can.
You did the right thing leaving, just text your dad “I’m safe and staying with mom” so he can’t report you missing, then block if you want.
As for brother, what’s happening is abuse. Report it to CPS and send any audio you have. He needs someone to speak up, and now you’re in a position to help.
You need to reply to him. “I’m fine. No need to worry or plan anything. I turn 18 on ___, and I have plans out of town. I’m going to be living with other people from now on.”
Text them and say, “Wish me a happy birthday! You’re blocked!”
Share the evidence of them abusing your brother with CPS.
And block them.