Hey guys so like please don’t judge. I’m 17 and up until last night I was a virgin. I’ve always wanted my first time to be special and with a good guy. I really thought this guy was going to be it ykwim? He told me he wanted something serious with me and he really liked me. Well after pressuring me to sneak out last night and driving all the way to my house I got in his car and we went to his house. I thought we had fun and it was a good time but on the car ride back to my house i noticed he was being very quiet. I just knew the vibe changed and now he won’t answer any of my texts i’m actually losing it. I want to act all nonchalant like it doesn’t bother me but i straight up told this man that losing my v card is a big deal and i don’t want to end up regretting it. Well now i’m regretting it big time. Do you guys have any advice on how I can stop being so sad and feeling ugly or like i’m not worthy of being in a healthy relationship. I also feel so guilty for sneaking out, I broke my window screen and everything, i’m anxious my grandparents are gonna find out too 🙁
Ghosted after losing virginity
r/Advice
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tip for the future: a guy who tells you to sneak out to see him, is not a good guy
I hate to tell you this, but I think he just might not be a good guy. Don’t let this make you feel like you aren’t worthy of being in a healthy relationship.
I understand it can feel like a really really big deal right now, but I promise that feeling goes away. Everybody wants their first time to be special and mean something and it really never works out that way.
Regrets are a part of life. They help us grow into the people we want to be and are supposed to be. As long as you used protection I feel as though this can be considered a smaller regret in the scheme of life.
YouTube can show you videos on how to repair your windscreen. I don’t think it would be expensive if any cost to fix depending on how you broke it.
He got what he wanted
How old is he?
I know it feels like a big deal now but it’s not, it’s not a card and you didn’t lose anything. Fuck that guy, forget about him.
I dated a girl in high school. She dumped me for the “cool college guy.” He took her v card and promptly dumped her. As long as you girls fall for it, guys will do it.
“Do you guys have any advice on how I can stop being so sad and feeling ugly or like i’m not worthy of being in a healthy relationship.”
Do not blame yourself. Unfortunately, I’d estimate that 80% of guys are scumbags at that age (and still really high when they are older) who will say anything to get laid – especially when it’s taking a girl’s virginity.
Unfortunately for a lot of girls/women our first time isn’t really a good experience. Fuck that guy
My only advice to you girl is don’t put so much accent on virginity. It doesn’t define your worth or value. It’s a social construct. You’re just as amazing as you were before this.
Moving forward focus on how they treat you. This is just a classic case of your past partner being a piece of shit.
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The first time can be awkward and uncomfortable. People ghost for a lot of reasons. My thought is now that you’ve graduated into a semi-adulthood, it’s time to relax and enjoy your life. Stop worrying about what others think and just be happy with the decisions you make. Don’t let people pressure you and it’s okay to own your own choices. You are the author of your own story.
Not sure if this will help or make you feel worse, but you just learned a very important lesson on dating, and at such a young age. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to save your virginity card for something special, just like there’s nothing wrong with have casual serial partners. But to some people, that won’t matter to them and they’ll lie for sex. I don’t see why your grandparents or anyone else would find out as long as you didn’t tell anyone else and don’t act suspicious. Take this as a learning moment for the future with dating, I can personally tell you that unless there’s pregnancy or std, your life will not change whatsoever in the slightest just because you lost your virginity.
You should talk to someone you trust, broken trust can fk you big time, my gf left me at 17, could not date till 20 and hated women, so please talk your parents, one you can trust more and also go seek help in therapy, be honest…shit happens. Sorry
LE. grammer
The evil in me says… go to his mom or maybe write an anon letter addressed to her and tell her what happened (if she’s cool) and maybe a pic of the window screen and maybe that will butterfly effect into her into raising her son properly
The good in me says you don’t deserve to feel like this and you didn’t know better. Give yourself grace baby
Guys lying to get what they want is nothing new.
Learn as much as you can and grow.
i’m so sorry that happened. just know that virginity… isn’t real. i know it matters to you but imo virginity is more of a concept of adulthood, held onto since older times. in the modern age, it doesn’t have to be as potent in your life. and i’m sorry he pressured you to sneak out and didn’t take care of you. please make sure you’re not at risk for pregnancy or STIs!
He used you to get what he wanted
This is a lesson and experience from the university of life I’m afraid. He just wasn’t a good guy and I’m sorry you have experienced this.
Do not beat yourself up. Forgive yourself for this, you didn’t know then but now you do. Let it and him go, turn around and don’t look back. Not all men are like this. Good men don’t pressure… ever. 🫂 It’s going to be ok… just be gentle with yourself… lots of self-care.
I bet he’s proud of himself. 🤨
That’s how they really are, they get what they want and dont give a ***t about who is getting hurt
As someone who has experienced this first hand, you deserve so much better. Boys are evil beings and unfortunately that was probably all he wanted. Boys like to play a game of acting really interested so that they can get what they want. What you want to do now is not be nonchalant and let him away with it, but make him feel as guilty as possible. Put it straight with him that you are feeling ignored and you have a feeling you know why, mention again how losing your v card was supposed to be an important and he didn’t respect him that. See what he has to say and if his awnser isn’t worthy enough absolutely bash him, make him feel bad about it and make him feel so small and then what you do is completely ghost him and then it’ll all be in your hands again and he will regret his actions (if he doesn’t that proves he’s even more evil). But also use this experience as a lesson for the future, of course it’s a great thing to have trust in the person you like but because of this, now you know to higher your standards and make a man work harder to get to that stage with you because you deserve the best and the best only my lovely! Always remember, if he can’t respect you all of the time, he deserves you none of the time
next time…build the FRIENDSHIP…dont just dive into “romance”
There’s nothing you could have done to prevent this.
I don’t want you to regret your first time just because the guy turned out to be wrong. Most people don’t end up with the person they lost their virginity to. What’s important is if you felt safe in the moment and felt good.
You shouldn’t feel unattractive, clearly you were attractive enough that he wanted to have sex with you. Him being a bad guy doesn’t mean you deserve the bad things he did to you. You just got taken advantage of, it doesn’t mean anything about you.
All you can do is keep going and looking for someone who will take care of you. If he isn’t that person, you have your whole life to find someone who will. And not being a virgin doesn’t mean having sex with that person will be less special.
first: losing virginity at 17 sounds okay
second: you dont actually have skills to pick better so don’t be too hard with your choice – many guys sux and you have great examples of what you are not looking for
third: go on, life is good and now you have a lesson … just try to have fun and be yourself if you want to meet people who are actually interested in you 🙂
I’m still a virgin, but there’s nothing wrong with you losing your virginity like my mom always says you know men would do anything to get what they want and sometimes if you meet the wrong ones they leave after getting what they want. I’m so sorry you had to experience that, but you know you have to move on from this experience. You have to learn not to be too trusting of or certain things. Another good advice to remember is “not all that glitters is gold”.
The way people treat you has nothing to do with your value. It simply shows you their value.
If you are looking for a relationship, then look for people who share your values and interests. Not a mirror image of yourself, just someone you have interests in common. I encourage people to join a volunteer organization and find people who are interested in giving verses taking.
Was it his first time? Is he going through something emotional about it? Were you guys dating?
It’s been less than 24 hours so just call him.
Worst case it was a one night hook up
But you have no idea what it going on in his head right now. So instead of speculating…. Ask. Talk.
If he chooses not to then that’s that and you know to move on.
Personally at that young of age I think if you are doing anything sexual it is better in a relationship
This experience doesn’t dictate your worth or future, prioritize your peace, address immediate concerns (like the window), and trust that clarity about your boundaries will grow from here.
A lot of people have given you plenty of good advice. All I have to add is that he may try to spin the block…he’ll tell you something “devastating” came up, or feed you some bullshit like he “needed space” or he “likes you but isn’t ready for a relationship.
DO NOT feed into the bullshit. They will tell you literally anything to gain access to you, then will discard you like trash.
Don’t beat yourself up about it, just make sure you get to know someone REALLY WELL first, and learn the signs of when someone actually gives af about you vs them just wanting something from you.
How old was this guy?
That’s a piece of shit. Unfortunately, you just learned your first lesson. People are like this and will use you or be inconsiderate of you.