A little bit of backstory, My 29gf and I (28m) have been together for a little over 2 years. About 3 months ago I proposed to her and tbh I did it out of Pressure from her and friends around us. Telling me that she’s a good girl and a rare woman to come across. After I proposed we moved into an apartment together.
Now that we have been together for a couple of months, the idea of being with her for the rest of my life doesn’t Sit well with me. We don’t really agree on things and I’ve tried to sit down to talk about serious things like Finances, Future goals, what are you working towards and it never gets anywhere. It actually turns into an argument, and I’m at a point where I’m happier when I’m away than when I’m around her.
I want to bring it up with her but I don’t know how too, any advice??
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If she’s not willing to offer her ideas, share her goals, and work toward a future together, you haven’t got much to stand on. That’s a fault of hers, not yours.
You already know your answer. You would be very unhappy spending your entire life with her. So just leave. Stop dragging it out.
It will only get worse as time goes on.
Be true to yourself, listen to yourself, you know what to do.
“It actually turns into an argument, and I’m at a point where I’m happier when I’m away than when I’m around her.”
This is an easy one – do not marry her.
Huge red flags. Move on.
Entrapment is always an option
I actually had a very similar situation in my marriage. Moved in together and I proposed due to extreme pressure from her and her family. Felt wrong the whole way but I told myself I was just afraid of commitment.
That marriage lasted for a year. I came home to an empty house because she’d told her family I was being emotionally abusive and neglectful (both of which were untrue and were actually the opposite). Meanwhile, she had been talking to another guy with more money and tried to dip to him. Once I made him aware that she was married, he dropped her and she tried to stall the divorce with me.
All that being said? I’d recommend against marrying someone you have doubts about. I didn’t heed that advice and wish I had.
“We don’t really agree on things and I’ve tried to sit down to talk about serious things like Finances, Future goals, what are you working towards and it never gets anywhere.”
How could you even consider marrying someone like that?
Also, what about her making her a “good girl and rare woman”? The truth is that you never really know someone until you’re in an intimate relationship with them, so the perspective of outsiders like friends is meaningless.
Marriage is dumb to begin with. It’s just a piece of paper that entitles your partner to half your crap when they are done with you. If it flies, floats or fu**s, rent it.
>want to bring it up with her but don’t know how to, any advice??
“So and so, I need to talk with you. Keeping you from my feelings is not fair to you when I realized that I am not in this relationship as I thought I was. I’m sorry, but I need to break off our engagement. I can start moving my things out today”.
Get to the point and be clear with your language. Stay even keeled and calm with your voice and behavior. Be prepared for questions or even an emotionally charged response. Remember she is going to be blindsided but you need to be explicit this relationship is over. You can tell her you understand her feelings but detach. Do not try to soothe her, that sends mixed signals. Those are her emotions, you focus on your own.
Good luck man. Do what’s best for you.
Not sure why you allowed yourself to be pressured by others to propose but that’s another question for another day.
Being honest and straightforward is always the best approach. The two of you have made a pending commitment to spend the rest of your lives together. Whereas engagements can be broken it is also a time to resolve issues if possible before deciding to break up. Talking to her now about your concerns is certainly better than any negative outcome after saying “I do” unless one of you says “I don’t”. Tell her how you feel and if nothing else cancel the engagement and postpone the wedding.
Exhibit A for why you should always cohabitate before proposing and certainly before marriage.
At 29, and entering a marriage, you should either be on the same page or actively working to be. Shutting down when someone brings stuff like this up isn’t really a sign of respect.
Try bringing it up one more time, but manage your own emotions here – don’t take the bait if she raises her voice or tries to goad you into an argument. Stay on topic, keep bringing it up, and if she’s truly not willing to hear you out, then let her go.
She loves the idea of a wedding and being a wife. She is not in love with you, you’re just a means to an end. Either leave now or leave after wasting 5-10yrs with losing half of what you own.
DO NOT MARRY HER!!!! Cut your loses now trust me
If you don’t know then you most certainly should not get married.
“I am having serious doubts about our relationship “. Is a good way to start the conversation.
If she can’t talk about it then you make a plan to leave.
Run. Run and far and as fast as you can. It will only get worse. If you think it is bad now… just wait until you complete 6 more years of this…
You think you’re happier away from her but really you’re just irritated being around someone who won’t agree. You fell in love for a reason right? It’s not about what the people around you think, it’s about what you and your partner think about each other. It can sometimes help to let family and friends know what’s going on but it can also create a divide that will probably hurt more than what you’re currently dealing with.
Maybe a break, where you two take a few days apart with family, and do it as an agreement between you two. Once you two come back and have those conversations, you’ll see less stress. Perhaps maybe have these conversations after doing one of your favorite things together as the goal, make it a date night where at the end you both talk about what you both hope and wish for in the future.
All positivity bro, be careful on the advice people give you. I let friends tell me what I should and shouldn’t do in my relationship and ended up losing something that meant the world to me. Don’t make the same mistake I did.
Do her the biggest favor of her life. Break up.
Bite the bullet, sit down with her one on one and tell her you’re having mixed feelings as she doesn’t want to talk about your life together, and see how the conversation goes from there
The feeing of not sitting well is your answer
You should have had those conversations before proposing and moving together
Break it off, but she’s entitled to keep the ring.
Leave
lol not sure who needs to hear this but if you need to come to reddit to consult with a bunch of strangers on whether you should spend the rest of your life with someone then no you probably shouldn’t