We went to the lake for a nice family day for the fourth. At the end of the day on the lake we headed back to my best friend’s house to enjoy her backyard, have a bonfire and have a couple of drinks. My son is 14 years old and we allowed him to bring one of his close friends with us that day. He kept asking if he could walk to another friend’s house to hang out with more friends. I shut that down and said no. I didn’t know these kids and I didn’t think he needed to be somewhere that sounded like trouble. He copped an attitude with me so my husband took over. My son then relayed to me that his dad told him they could go for a walk around the block.
My best friend’s brother was at the house and he ran to the corner store to grab him and his buddies a pack of beer. On the way back they saw my son and his friend sitting a few doors down on the curb outside drinking beer. They immediately came and told me. I marched down to said curb and told him to get up and that he was in serious trouble. I couldn’t believe he took beer from the fridge and was sitting literally five houses down outside on the curb drinking them. To my knowledge my son has never done this before, so shocked was an understatement. This is my oldest child and we are just freshly entering the teenage stages. We have our shares of troubles as far as him trying to test curfew or having attitudes about chores, but I generally have always thought that he is a pretty good kid with somewhat of a decent head on his shoulders.
We get back to the house I separate my son from his friend so I could get to the bottom of what happened. Him and I are arguing and my husband comes over. Now my son and my husband are arguing. My husband says something that triggers our 14 year old and he goes ok I’m not covering for you anymore (speaking to my husband). He then proceeds to tell me that his dad told the two of them that they could go for a walk and drink some beers down the street. At first my husband denies it just like he was a child who got caught stealing from the store. My son is furious at this point and says “he one hundred percent knew we had the beer and then he called me while you were walking down the street to tell me that you were on your way and to dump the open beer out.”
I actually lost it. I’ve never felt such a pit in my stomach (well I have but that’s a different story). My husband started stumbling around his words trying to think of how to cover up what he did. He couldn’t. My son was doubling down on what his father authorized and allowed him and his friend to do. I released my son to the backyard so I could speak to my husband alone. This grown 34 year old man confessed to telling my son he could have “one beer” on his walk. He then proceeded to tell me that he had his first beer when he was 14 and that our son was going to drink beer whether we wanted him to or not. He said he would rather him be in the confines of his watch rather than him sneaking away from our home to drink and party with his friends… mind you we were not even at our own home.
I will not pretend that I was nice in my delivery of pure disappointment and disgust. I was outright mean and cruel with my husband. I asked him what could possibly have inhabited his brain to think that allowing our son to drink at 14 years old was remotely ok? I was met with defensiveness and the fact that we just have different “perspectives on raising our kids.” I was absolutely floored. This wasn’t “hey kid you can have ice cream before dinner, just don’t tell your mom.” This was “hey kid go on a walk, have a beer and don’t tell your mom, oh and I’m going to call you an warn you that she’s on her way so dump the evidence before she gets there.”
I attempted to try and get to a resolution with my husband yesterday. Like hey what in the world is going on and what were you thinking? He gave some sorry excuse of an apology and I was again met with “we just see things differently.” I continue to sit here in a state of disbelief. I feel as though I am speaking logically about how this has made me feel as a mother, as well as included the ramifications if the law had been involved that night. I just continue to be met with the undertone that I’m blowing this entire scenario out of proportion (basically that I’m a crazy overprotective mother). The lack of respect and level of betrayal I felt that he encouraged our son to make such a poor decision is infuriating. I refuse to speak to my husband and I can barely look at him.
… So AITAH?
Comments
NTA. Your husband owes both you and your son a serious and genuine apology.
Nta. your husband is teaching his son that rules don’t apply to him, and you need to have a LOT of discussions about alcohol, drugs, and consent or your son will spend his twenties in state prison for rape. marriage counselor NOW to get on the same page before his attitude wrecks your kids.
At what age would you have said, “surrounded by adults and in a safe environment, go ahead and have a beer?”
[deleted]
Updateme
NTA…
Marriage counselling if you think this coward who lies to you and in front of his kid is worth the time.
NTA. It’s critical that parents are on the same page. What would happen if he had to get his stomach pumped because he was taking a dare to drink. And you had another minor under your care. This was irresponsible and your husband is a jackass. The man you should trust lied to you and your son. He owes you a huge apology. I don’t even know if I would be able to look at him the same. And he’s not even being honestly apologetic. All he did was let your son know his mom is a sucker and when you tell him no go ask dad. Bad lesson. He would be sleeping at his mother’s or in the car for a long time.
Serious question: what are you expecting from your husband?
I feel like he told you his rational “I’d rather have my son try beer when he is around me, only with one friend, and not at a crazy party where he could drink 5 of them”.
He does have a different point of view. So what is it that you are looking for from him? Again, real question, I am not saying he is right.
I am not saying he is entirely wrong either… (but your son is way too young IMO). Dealing with teenage years, discovering the world and all that it contains, whether good or bad or both at the same time.
Making decisions, discovering the world, making your opinion on things… is part of growing up.
Again, not saying your husband was right.
But right now, knowing that your husband is not going to say “you were right, I was wrong”, what are you expecting from him? Are you open to having a discussion with him on how to raise teenagers, the kind of parent you want to be ?
Nta & very illegal. Your son is one thing, but the friend is not your son. What exactly would their parents say? What if the kid was allergic to alcohol and had a reaction or even died while in your care because your husband is a dumbass? What if they merely find out and decide to sue you for child endangerment? Dude opened himself to some scary shit because he couldn’t tell a 14 year old no.
So you and your husband are apart on this by a year, two at the most. Reasonable people could disagree about this and a year difference of opinion shouldn’t make your husband a total f’ing a-hole. Your response to the actual actions of your son seems way out of line for the offense.
Your issue is 100 percent with the communication style of your husband. His actions seem ridiculous and cowardly. Though they also sound like a guy who knew what he was going to face if he had just manned up and said, yes I’m going to allow our son a beer.
Couple’s counseling on how to discuss things when you don’t agree seems like the obvious answer here.
He let your son’s friend drink too. Think about the ramifications that you two could face from the other kid’s parents.
You have a husband problem, not a teenage drinker problem.
NTA. That “try a beer around adults” thing only works if you and your husband are on the same page about it… not sneaking around. #updateme
Updateme!
NTA.
You were in someone else’s home, and they are the people who would’ve had to deal with the legal ramifications WITH you if something happened.
If there had been a discussion with you and you agreed on it, again, different story.
Instead, he wanted to be the cool Dad, make you look overprotective, and encourage your son to lie. Gross.
I mean there’s actually more to unfold here. Another parent trusted you with their child for the fourth and he let them have a beer. If I was their parent I would be extremely upset. Then he does this at someone else’s house without their permission. He also had them sitting on a curb in broad daylight for everyone to see. And lastly, this is a joint parenting decision.
I remember my first beer
NTA- and if you have such a huge difference in perspectives on how to raise kids, you probably shouldn’t have had them together.
YTA for refusing to speak NTA for being upset. You guys need to figure this out together
NTA.
Updateme
NTA
I’d want to know what his other different perspectives were as well. There are a great number of studies that show that effects of alcohol to an undeveloped brain.
The irony is that you husband have you the old “under the watch of his parent” lime, but at no point was he supervising or able to see what has happening bring 5 houses away.
Blowing this out of proportion. You sound rigid and insufferable. You think teens don’t drink? He’s right, he’d rather him do it when he’s with you than somewhere else. You’re in for a rude awakening in these next few teenage years if this is the way you’re acting over a beer.
I don’t think YTA for feeling hurt and betrayed. He lied and got caught in the worst way.
That said, why did your husband lie? The story reads like you dominate all major parenting decisions and treat your husband like an appendage whose job it is to enforce your rules, and then you’re shocked-SHOCKED-that he has an opinion that’s different from yours. Have you ever asked him what his views on drinking alcohol are? Did you ever try to compromise and let him take the lead on major parenting decisions? Or do you always set the rules and wear him down to the point that he follows to your face but hides his opinions behind your back.
To be clear I agree with you that 14 is too young to be given permission to drink alcohol. But the real issue to me is that your husband has to be caught in a lie in order to stand up for himself and tell you that he doesn’t always agree with your parenting choices. If you treat someone like an adult child, a lot of people will just buckle and act like that.
He not only let YOUR kid drink beer, he let someone else’s kid drink beer! You are neither crazy nor overprotective.
Your husband not only provide alcohol to your minor son but also his son minor friend. Providing alcohol to a minor in the state I live in can be a year in jail and $10, 000 fine. That is for each violation. Two kids two violations. If your husband provides beer when they are older and can drive then it will get even more serious.
For those taking the husband’s side, the husband sent the kids down the street to drink in full view of any police officer driving down the road. He not only provided alcohol to his son but somebody else’s son. The husband then proceeded to lie repeatedly about it.
If you want to teach a teenager to drink responsibly you don’t send him down the street to hide it from his mother.
If a neighbor had called the police or a police officer just happened by your husband could have been in big trouble.
Your husband’s TAH.
OP, if you dont put an end to this your son is going to continue to drink and use his dad’s words as justification.
Additionally, this has likely happened before.
His brain is still developing and this is not the time for him to start drinking. Especially since he will be driving soon.
Family counseling might be in order.
Stay firm on this boundary.
NTA. Your son was not in “the confines of his watch”. He was away from his parents, unwatched, on a street. He could have been arrested, or dragged away by a dangerous person, or gotten drunk and stumbled into traffic.
ESH. – the dynamics are weird here and this seems to point to several problems. All are fixable but you need to think about this fully.
1). How did the topic of drinking a beer even come up ? Did your son ask his Dad knowing he was more lenient than you ? Does this point to a communication issue you have with your son or husband?
ESH kids in Europe get to have mulled wine and champagne (in the books I’ve read). It was a bone headed move.
Underage drinking can lead to long term problems that your husband genuinely is not considering. Any of the people who are giving him a “pass” are moronic.
You are nta. He undermined your authority as a parent and helped make you look like the “bad guy.” You both need to speak on how to move forward and, if you can’t come to an agreement, decide how you’d like to move. I don’t have any children with my partner. However, we’ve had conversations. He knows I won’t have them until we’re on the same page. This is too important.
Good luck OP
Honestly the fact that your husband so casually lies to you, lets your son do something illegal in public, AND involves his friend, whose parents likely did not expect your husband to let their kid drink at 14 when they allowed him to go with you, is appalling. I would be seriously questioning his judgement (and honestly the parenting of most of these commenters) if I were you. I don’t think you’re overreacting at all. If I were the parent of your son’s friend I would be livid that I trusted someone who let my 14 yr drink and lie. Wtf is wrong with people defending your husband?? I think the fact that you were responsible for someone else’s child is being significantly overlooked here.
You’re incredibly overbearing even in the words you wrote here. It probably wasn’t the best decision to tell him take a walk and have a beer but your reaction is way way over the top. And I’ll just add that your kid is going to find a way to sneak a beer here and there. If that’s the “worst” thing he does consider yourself lucky. We have kids come to school shit faced drunk and or stoned all the time and they’re 11-13.
ESH – Refusing to speak to your spouse is childish and manipulative.
Your husband sees things differently. He’s TAH for not valuing being on the same page with you.
Wait until you get clarity and then sit down and listen to him and ask him to listen to you.
Parenting is challenging. Try to find a way to navigate through it together.
First of all, the belief that ALL kids are going to try beer whether their parents allow them to or not, is effing ridiculous! There are actually kids who are not interested in drinking alcohol or doing drugs.
Your husband believes that it’s okay for your son to drink, but how does he think it’s okay to go completely behind your back? That he’d rather have his son drink with parental supervision, even though this was not at his own home and he was not supervising his son and his son’s friend while he they were drinking?
And where did they get the beer from? Another idiot adult ?
Updateme
You should calm tf down. Honestly. Yes, this is a problem. Yes you and husband need to get on same page. But two teenagers having a beer on vacation is no excuse to hurl abuse at your husband.
YTA for raising your son in bubble wrap and for verbally abusing your husband.
I’m ready for my down votes.
Updateme
NTA. Duh. It’s generally common courtesy to make sure all adults who may get arrested for a crime consent to it. That would include your friend. At least where I live, if something had happened to those children, the friend could be on the line being the host. And if my kid got drunk, and anything happened from it, you better believe I’d let all charges possible be filed and let the courts settle who’s at fault. Like at least in your situation, one parent consented.
Have you told the other kids’ parents? Where do they stand on it?
NTA for being mad. Assuming you are American this is way off legal drinking age.
I don’t know why drinking beers would even be suggested to a 14 year old. This sends terrible message to your son and you and your husband need to be in agreement here.
Talk to your husband. YTA if you won’t. Being mad doesn’t solve any thing for anyone. Try to funnel your anger into passion for finding the right time and way to speak to your husband.
Don’t talk down to him, don’t tell him it’s illegal he knows. Ask him does he really think it’s a good idea for your son to be drinking unsupervised on b the street, would it be good if he got arrested, would it be good if your son moved onto hard liquor before he was an adult?
If your husband dismisses this line of discuss you at least know you have incompatible parenting styles
Then divorce him if it’s that bad of a thing for you and dislike him that much. Otherwise the way you feel will cause the relationship to go down the drain anyway because you will never let it go. He’s right you do see things differently and you need to accept that as an answer then find out how you can move forwards 14 is an age where kids are fucking. Drinking and smoking weed behind both parents backs anyway. I’ve seen it when I was younger. Kids had guns, prescription drugs etc kids are gonna do what they are gonna do regardless. Unless you get him into a sport or something that can plant an immovable discipline into him. Like track and field, boxing, or something
Are you friggin serious!!??!!?? What on God’s green earth was he even thinking??? I couldn’t have cared less if he “had his first beer at 14” (husband not child)! If he’s not old enough to buy it he sure the heck isn’t old enough to drink it! Yeah, I get that teens test the waters, I went through that phase with my daughter, but I sure the heck never said, go ahead, I did that at your age!! Parents are there to be parents, not best friends! Kids have enough friends, when they need parents, it’s time to parent! Parents are there to guide their kids in the right direction, not the wrong ones! I would be so ticked off that my husband would rue the day he ever crossed me that way! Totally irresponsible and absolutely the wrong thing to do! You are definitely NTA!!!
I wouldn’t make a big deal about one beer, except like another poster mentioned supplying alcohol to a minor he is not a parent to. He could be arrested for that. I think you overreacted, tho. Big time.
NTA…The main issue is the deceptive attitude and allowing not only your child but someone else’s to do illegal acts. He also contradicted himself by wanting his son to experiment where he can watch him but then sent him down the street.
You obviously can’t trust him at all. Counseling may help but if he acting like it’s not a big deal, it doesn’t seem possible.
If I was you, I would insist on couples counseling. This huge difference in values needs to be discussed if your marriage is to survive intact. Wishing you the best.. NTA.
TLDR please summaies
He gave beer to a kid who wasn’t his. He can easily go to jail for contributing to the delinquency of a minor and since he wasn’t actually present, it can be two charges. In my state, that’s TWO years in jail.
So many what if’s…he gave someone else’s child alcohol. Nta.
Nta
In my family, we were drinking beer at about 3, out of dad’s bottle. Our own about 14-15 but only with family and in the house and not at anyone else’s home. But that was a different time sooooo that has to be taken into consideration.
I understand hubby’s pov minus the drinking out in public where if a cop drove by, he’d be in a lot of trouble as would hubby once your son started talking. You and hubby need to get on the same page with these things because yeah, begging in 2 separate books is going to look a lot like this and only get more complicated.
I don’t know, did you apologize to your son?
NTA.
This was a dumb ass move by your husband that could lead to all sorts of legal troubles when the parents of your son’s friend get involved.
Your husband knows he was wrong and has refused to accept responsibility for his actions. And while I understand the sentiment, the boys are 14. Can you imagine if the cops had been passing?
Your husband owes everyone an apology, especially to you for trying to slide this past you without even so much as a discussion.
Hopefully that will be enough to restore your faith in him. I’m assuming this isn’t a pattern though!
Meanwhile I had to force my eldest to try alcohol at home when he came of age(I wanted to make sure he wasn’t allergic before some fool spiked his drink somewhere) He hasn’t had a drink since and this was almost 10yrs ago.
Your husband is living in the past here in the present parents can get consequences for this and kids can become addicted at a young age and become alcoholics by the þine thwy hot college.
Have you told the other boy’s parents?
I’m guessing you’re American.
Yes, YTA. Whilst I agree that your dh should not have lied to you, that seems to be a different conversation and not what you are most upset about.
Many many many cultures allow young people to drink alcohol in controlled environments. It often leads to less stigma around alcohol, less alcohol abuse and certainly less binge drinking than what appears to be rampant in US culture when your adolescents finally get some freedom at college. This is one of those issues with children where there isn’t necessarily a right answer. He was right in saying you just have different approaches.
You and your dh fundamentally disagree on how to handle this. You need to work together to come up with a plan that you can both agree to. You do not get to dictate unilaterally how to handle these issues. And by your own words, your reaction was extreme and over the top. You don’t get to attack him just because you disagree with the something he did.
Now the fact that he lied about it is a major issue for me and something that needs to be addressed immediately. Although with the way you admittedly responded, I’m not shocked. Hes probably scared of you.
No. Absofuckinglutely NOT!! This was a piss poor, absolutely STUPID, and BLATANTLY ILLEGAL decision made BEHIND your back by someone you AND YOUR SON should be able to trust to make proper decisions for your child’s WELL-BEING! NOT TO MENTION, SOMEONE ELSE’S CHILD!! Just because your idiot husband did this at 14, doesn’t make it right for YOUR SON!! Not to mention your son WASN’T being monitored by your husband, but was sent up the street from a friend’s house, NOT YOUR HOUSE. What if your son got sick, or drunk, or HURT? What about his friend?! That boy is someone else’s child. Your husband, King Moron could go to jail for this!! The Coup de Gras was him calling your son to warn him that you were around the corner. What in the actual fuck was he thinking?!? I’m so sorry, but he just can’t be trusted. His lack of understanding, defensiveness, coupled with any sincerity in his apology are huge red flags.
The real issue here is that your husband lied. I think you are completely overreacting to the beer for your son but the husband problem is something else. Clearly he thinks going behind your back with things is ok, and I would say that it definitely isn’t. (Also it’s one thing to give your own child a drink, he should never have allowed someone else’s child drinking)
NTA – what he did was incredibly irresponsible and you had a human reaction to that. But being nasty to him and refusing to speak with him is not going to fix the issues. You don’t have to agree with everything when it comes to parenting but you should discuss it and come to an agreement so you’re both on the same page.
While I don’t think a 14 year old having a beer is necessarily something to be shocked about, your husband should have talked to you about it instead of sneaking around behind your back. Make sure you hold a place for your husband to be heard when you do talk. From his reaction “we just see things differently”, I have a feeling his opinions might be getting shut down when you don’t agree on things. Couples therapy would probably be really helpful for you both to open up communication, especially when there are things you don’t agree on when it comes to your kids.
This is a pretty serious situation. I would take my husband to counseling. He clearly hasn’t got a clue and you are in for a very rough ride if you don’t clamp down on this. What you permit, you promote.
This isn’t a matter of your husband accepting that a teenage boy would make bad choices. But that he would encourage him to make bad choices Is a completely different thing. When you have no sense of right and wrong, they have laws to show you the way. When you ignore the law too, you have absolutely no morals compass.
Frankly, I wouldn’t be speaking to my husband either. Instead, I’d be going back to try to figure out what other lies he encouraged my kids to tell me. The level of disrespect I would feel in how he undermined me in front of the kids? He made a mockery of our relationship. Even his teenage son was disgusted with his cowardice. He doesn’t even have the decency to be ashamed of it.
NTA
What he did was 100% wrong but refusing to speak to someone is immature.
So your husband commited a crime, on his own son and on someone else’s kid.
You know it, what will you do with the info?
NTA.
I had my first drink when I was 16, I believe. Which is the age you can drink under parents supervision iirc. My mom let me try a glass of white wine with Thanksgiving dinner. I wasn’t a fan.
Afterwards, she told me if I wanted to have a few drinks or me or my younger sister were ever curious, she would prefer we go to her so she can pick it up and let us go hang out in the basement where she knows we’re safe, can check in, etc. She said teens get curious and want to be cool, and that’s normal, and she didn’t ever want her kids to feel like they had to go out of their way to hide things from her.
That being said — my mother is/was a single parent, and not in a partnership sharing responsibilities with another person. Your husband was way out of line doing this behind your back, letting your son wander off to do it with a friend whose parents likely didn’t know, and then trying to throw your SON under the bus and let a 14 year old take responsibility for something that was his fault too.
He needs to grow up. A difference of opinion shouldn’t mean the default solution is ‘do it but where the party that disagrees CAN’T see it’.
NTA. Husband was fubar. Now you know where son gets attitude problems from.
YTA.
Not speaking to your husband is not an option here.
You have to accept what has happened and that you two are not on the same page when it comes to parenting, then you need to get with a neutral third party (such as a therapist) and iron this shit out. Do what it takes to get on the same page.
Did your husband do something incredibly stupid? Yes.
Is ignoring him, continuing to rage about it, and generally feeling pissed off towards him going to get you two anywhere? Absolutely not.
It’s time to do the above and see if things are salvageable. However, keep in mind that if they aren’t… you’re looking at him having parenting time solo, where you know nothing of what is going on (unless your child comes back and tells you).
To summarize: There is a massive communication issue underlying everything here and icing him out is only contributing to the problem. Accept what happened and fix the issue so it doesn’t happen again.
If I was the other kids parents your husband will be in so. much trouble for getting alcohol to my underage kid. Isn’t this a crime to provide alcohol for a minor?
You have every right to be mad, but the silent treatment is an immature response. NTA for being mad, YTA for the silent treatment.
NTAH Makes you wonder what other lies your husband tells you. This is next level stuff. Teaching his son that it’s perfectly fine to lie to his mother and sneak around behind your back.
NTA.
I absolutely get your husband’s thoughts about at least being nearby your son when he had his first beer, but there are way too many ugly variables here:
There are so many better ways of our husband could have handled that. He is the AH.
You’re NTA but I see why your husband decided to try to let this happen behind your back. You are way overreacting to a 14 year old having a beer. And your husband is right that he will do it anyway behind your back. The way you act, your son will hide everything from you. You and your husband need to get in the same page and realize that neither of you can make these decisions by yourselves. And I think you need to chill out or you will ensure you have no idea who your son is for the next 10 years or more.
Your husband sounds like he wanted to be a cool dad.
I have a proposal. Ask the cops whether this is just a difference of parenting. Dad literally commit a crime by providing alcohol to minors. What an idiot. Being married to such a fool is dangerous too. Could you imagine getting sued by the other parents too? You have too much to lose for such stupid “differences of parenting”. SMDH
The worst part about this is your son’s a little bitch bitches get stitches
Isn’t he lucky that it was a family friend who saw them drinking beer and Not the Police ? Your husband is a complete idiot who needs a swift kick up the arse
NTA. Please document this and talk to an attorney. Your husband is way out of line. I would not want him anywhere around my kid. Do the other kids parents know? He has zero respect for you or your child. He just wants to be the fun dad. He could go to jail for this. What a freaking idiot.
Both my parents let me drink around 10. Wild times. But guess what. I hate alcohol and don’t enjoy it. I see what the attempt was and it for sure could work. You both just need to get on the same page. The people I grew up with the strictest parents with alcohol are the ones today that can’t put it down. Just my little observation on what I’ve been through and seen myself.
,z
Yep. You’re overreacting. Just let it go.
Honestly I’d be far more concerned that he gave alcohol to the friend. Those parents could get husband in some serious trouble.
Like $1,000 fine or six months in jail. Look up the laws in your state put it in your husband’s face and then just let him stew.
NTA, your son was lucky that the police didn’t drive by. I think your husband need some therapy. He’s not in the right mind to think that this was ok.
NTA.
Does your husband have a brain tumour or something? Cos what he did is astoundingly stupid, worthy of wondering if his brain is actually compromised.
At home. 1/2 beer. With adults present. ONLY. Not in PUBLIC ffs, and what about your son’s friend?? If I was their parent I would forbid any further friendship with your reprobate family!
Get your husband checked. Seriously.
You do know that he could be charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Providing alcohol to a minor. I believe I would tell him that and say well we just have a difference in raising children. Maybe tell the other parents or let the cops have a conversation with husband.
Aside from the fact that your husband was wrong to allow your son to do that, look at the disrespect towards you that he modeled for your son. That was seriously messed up for him to encourage your son to hide things from you. I would be out of my mind. You’re not overreacting, he is trying to make you feel that way to avoid accountability.
NTA
He needs to on the “same page” about parenting, but he isn’t even in the same library.
NTA. You are a responsible parent.
Your husband is in the wrong. Yes kids will drink behind their parents backs but why on earth would your husband encourage this behavior and encourage your son’s friend?
You might want to remind your husband that drinking alcohol at an early age has an increased risk of them developing alcoholism.
Children’s brains are still developing at that age and alcohol can have severe negative effects. It’s really not rocket science.
We always told our son, if you want a beer, drink it at home. Your problem is why so many teenagers get in trouble with alcohol ! This seems to have been totally blown out of proportion! Ok, if you don’t speak to your husband, someone else will….!!!
Not an AH maybe, but definitely overreacting. Fathers sometimes bond with sons by allowing things that their mother wouldn’t. Just as mothers allow their daughters things (clothes, makeup, boys) that their father wouldn’t approve of.
I can’t say much because I was allowed to drink at home at 14 for the reasons your husband stated.
Nobody is the asshole here, but you both lack some serious communication skills. Read back your post and question yourself where you were talking with your husband or to your husband.
He had no right to make that decision for the parents of your son’s friend. I would be livid!
NTA
Believe it or not, I know a lot of guys who would be like your husband. He clearly thinks you are too strict and he clearly thinks you’re the boss in these situations. So he told your son it was ok to do something stupid and lied about it.
14 is too fucking young for that. Poor judgement by him. My guess would be you see your son as too much of a little boy and he sees your son as too much of a man already.
The silent treatment isn’t going to fix anything though.
Says he should be allowed to drink a beer under supervision and then he sends him away, into who knows where, without any supervision. Husband is stupid and disrespectful, you are NTA.
You should ask your son if your husband has done other shit like this. It sounds to me like this isn’t the first time he has gone behind your back and said no if your son went to such lengths to cover for him this time and then got so mad to call him out. There is a difference between him having a chat with you about letting your son have a beer and what he did, which was instructing your son to go and do it without both of your permission AND hide it from you.
You do realize he gave beer to your son and a CHILD THAT IS NOT HIS!!!!!
Your moron husband could be arrested for that.
Does contributing to the delinquency of a minor mean anything to your husband? Does he truly understand the ramifications of his actions? So many things could have gone wrong from police involvement to the parents pressing charges and possibly jail.
NTA
But be prepared for a CPS visit.
Hot take. Save your puritanical downvotes. I don’t need the pearl-clutching, nor does anyone is this post.
Yeah, kinda YTA. Actually, ESH. You and your husband should have been on the same page. He undermined you and that’s not healthy. The two of you have to work some stuff out.
But you’re also getting kinda bent outta shape over the beer. It’s this kind of helicopter parenting that is the pussification of our youth. You can’t wrap them in bubble wrap, nor should you honestly think he’s not going to drink beer until he’s 21. They can’t learn to handle their alcohol, nor how to navigate adulthood, if you suspend all responsibility and agency until they’ve left the nest. In fact, doing so makes you a failure of a parent by not equipping them with some sense of how to make decisions that have serious consequences.
He’s a teenager. His job right now is to make stupid decisions. So on that count, your husband actually is onto something here. But the execution leaves a lot to be desired. From both of you.
And now, you won’t even speak to your husband?? Yeah, real champion-level example of emotional intelligence. Your kids really are getting the short end of the stick