Location: California, US
Baby is due any day now. There is no question who the father is, however, we have not done a home or court ordered paternity test.
I am currently separated from husband but still legally married. We have two children together.
After separation the divorce stalled due to complicated circumstances regarding the co-owned restaurant we run together. Still working through this process.
Last summer I met someone & had relations. Became pregnant due to failed birth control methods.
Father of this child has lengthy criminal legal issues & history of drug use/ dependence. It has been an up & down roller coaster of trying to communicate my expectations for safe parenting. He has made a lot of promises with little progress. While he is currently clean, I cannot trust it will stay this way without time. He does not have his own home, lives with mother in 2 bedroom apartment of 4 people. All this after I kicked him out of my home for lying about drug use & stealing from me.
Facts aside, I did care for him at some point. I want to support his progress in the interest of my child having a father. However, I don’t need him to support this child & truthfully I wish he would just disappear. My moral duty is to FIRST to keep her safe & SECOND to allow her the chance to bond with her father.
He has been absent through majority of this pregnancy. With ups & downs about being involved. He is very emotional about not being able to have a relationship with me.
He keeps saying things like he has the “right” to see his child everyday etc etc, but does not have the space or resources to provide for her.
I’m afraid of bringing legal talk into the conversation because it will be viewed as a threat. Currently we are amicable enough to spend short time frames together & me get to know his family. This is in efforts to know who my child will be around. But I have had many lengthy conversations with his mother. I don’t trust her & she is the driving brains behind his conversations. If they feel like their relationship with the baby is at risk, they may retaliate in unpredictable ways.
However, I know where my rights stand as her mother & how the court would view his capability of caring for her.
My question is- how should I handle the hospital birth certificate/ declaration. If I put his name as father how does that affect my rights. How can I avoid claiming a father at all? Ideally I’d like to leave it blank. But I agreed to let him be in the room for her birth considering he is sober. Which I am confident he will be for this.
I plan on calling a family lawyer on Monday for consultation. Thanks for reading through my soap opera life.
Comments
You need to understand by deciding to have this baby he is entitled to 50/50 custody. He is not currently on drugs/in jail so he will have rights if he files for them. Your husband will be the legal father at birth as long as you are still married. However, as soon as dad files in court, you need to understand that nothing you put here is going to matter in the custody dispute as long as he stays sober.
You are still legally married to your husband. Unless a court order says otherwise, your husband will be the legal father.
You don’t really get choices about the birth certificate.
The bio father has every right to go to court to establish parentage after the baby is born. Nobody can say how this will turn out since uou are married. A local attorney can tell you how things trend in your county.
Unfortunately, if he’s sober and he is a biological dad there’s nothing you can do to stop him having visitation with his own child. A judge isn’t gonna care what makes you comfortable. You were comfortable enough when you had a kid with them and that’s exactly what they’re gonna tell you