I (22F) feel sick about this, and I don’t know where else to put it. I’ve developed feelings for my gay best friend (22M) of three years. It’s confusing because I thought I was only into women, so now I feel like I’m re-navigating my own sexuality while also trying to protect our friendship.
I won’t say anything to him because I know it would be unfair and wouldn’t help either of us. His sexuality is very black and white for him and it’s just not for me. But sometimes he’d talk about “if I was straight I’d go for this person”. Which also makes me sad because it wouldn’t even be me he’d want to be with. I hate how these feelings are leaking into our everyday interactions and how I entertain a life together. I love our friendship so much, and I don’t want these feelings to ruin something that has been such a consistent, safe place for both of us.
Part of me wonders if it’s not even about him, but about wanting the consistency and closeness we have, and being afraid that if either of us gets into a relationship, it will change everything. I don’t want to lose what we have, and I’m trying to let go of these feelings to preserve it, but it’s hard and I feel stuck. I also know that we wouldn’t be able to give each other a fulfilling romantic relationship, but idk, I want him around for a while and I’d be sad if he turns to someone else for that emotional intimacy that we have.
I just want to know how to move through this without destroying the friendship or drowning in guilt. If anyone else has been here, I would love to know how you navigated it. I’m just feeling sad and lost.
My specific question: How do I navigate these feelings and preserve our friendship without letting guilt or romantic (?) feelings consume me? If anyone has been in a similar situation, how did you handle it?
TL;DR: (22F) have feelings for my gay best friend (22M), which is making me question my sexuality and feel guilty. I don’t want to lose our close friendship or let these feelings ruin it, but I don’t know how to let them go.
How can I move through this without destroying what we have?
Comments
This situation calls for therapy
You realize that at some point everyone has weird feelings that they’ve never had before and you think “Is this something I can address in public without destroying my life as it is at this moment?” and if the answer is no, then you have self-restraint and you pretend that those feelings don’t exist until they eventually go away, as is normal.