So this has been messing with my head for a few days, and I’m trying not to spiral, but… here we are.
My boyfriend’s been having regular late-night calls (like past 1–2am) with a female friend he met on a cruise last summer. At first, I didn’t say anything — I figured maybe they were just catching up. But it kept happening, and eventually I spoke up while he was still on the phone and told him, “I’m uncomfortable with you being on the phone this late.” He just said “Okay, I understand,” then went to sleep downstairs. Didn’t say anything else.
Days went by — he kept sleeping downstairs. I finally asked if something was wrong, and he said no, he just wanted to try sleeping better. Then he admitted my comment made him feel “limited,” and that it was “awkward” having to end the call because he was having a good time. I apologized for my tone (because yeah, I was nervous and a little irritated), but I clarified — it’s not about her, or control. I’ve never had a problem with him having friends. I just feel like late-night calls — especially frequent ones — cross a line of emotional intimacy that doesn’t sit right with me. He said she works late, so that was the only time they could talk. I took it as a one-time thing. But the calls kept happening.
Sometimes they start around 10pm and go till 2am. I walked in on a FaceTime once — he was under the covers with headphones in, and when I started talking, he said to her, “No, you’re good, keep talking.” I know his tone with friends, and this was… different. He talks to her way more than his guy friends or even other girl friends.
Then I heard him say “I miss you fr” and “Aren’t you glad you met me?” I’ve heard him mention he has a girlfriend, so I’m not accusing him of anything — but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t feel weird. And when I finally asked again who he was talking to, he said her name — and kept her on the phone while I confronted him, so I know she heard our entire convo. That felt beyond disrespectful.
He threw back, “Well, you were okay with it before,” which I wasn’t — I just didn’t push it. Then said he talks to guy friends late too, which I told him wasn’t the point. It’s about the timing, not the gender.
I overheard him talking to his cousin about me, calling me “crazy,” “weird,” and saying I make him feel like he’s walking on eggshells. All because I asked for a boundary. We even agreed not to talk about our issues with other people — but here he is, doing exactly that.
Since then? He hasn’t said a word. Didn’t talk to me the whole next day. I usually initiate, but I didn’t this time. I knocked on his door to ask if we could talk — he ignored it until I said his name, then told me he wasn’t ready to talk. So now I’m just… sitting in silence.
I feel shut out for trying to say something calmly. And I keep wondering — is it actually that wild to think that constant, late-night convos with someone new — girl or not — are kind of inappropriate in a relationship?