How do people actually have anal sex without being destroyed??

r/

I’ve tried doing anal with my boyfriend (he’s 8″ and thick) and I genuinely don’t understand how people manage to do this without screaming. It doesn’t just hurt, it feels physically impossible. Like my body is just straight-up rejecting it. The last time we tried, he barely got the tip in and I was already crying from the pain. It felt like my whole asshole was about to rip open.

Is this normal at first?? Is it something you have to work up to? I’m not trying to be dramatic but I seriously feel like my anatomy just wasn’t built for it. Do I need to train it with toys? How long does that even take? Because right now, the idea of a whole dick going in there sounds like a horror movie.

I want to try again eventually, but I need help. Like… real advice. How do people actually do this?

Comments

  1. zatn Avatar

    Going straight into a thick 8″ was never going to work if that was your first go at it.

    People will generally train for a few months, you can literally buy a toy, set that starts off small, and gets larger.

    If you’re not using like a BP with regular sex, then start off with that.

  2. ExistingNecessary993 Avatar

    No, pain is not normal. Do not tolerate pain in the butt. That can cause serious injuries and let me tell you one thing, you don’t want serious injuries in this area ever. You can become incontinent if you damage your muscle. Whenever you feel pain STOP IMMEDIATELY. It is not brave to ignore it, it is completely stupid and dangerous.

    That being said, if you don’t like it, don’t do it.

    If you still think you need to do it for whatever reason, get a bunch of anal plugs in different sizes, lube and practice at your own pace.

  3. PlantsCatsCuc Avatar

    Take your time with warming up your b-hole. Maybe a finger or two first, then a toy a bit smaller than your boyfriend, then after you are feeling more relaxed and open, give him a try. Oh and I cannot stress this enough – vibe your clit! I do it the whole time and it makes it not only tolerable, but extremely pleasurable!

  4. Deep_Sherbert2043 Avatar

    Lots of lube and patience

  5. blem4real_ Avatar

    girl…is there lube involved or is he just trying to shove it in dry

  6. RoamingGeek Avatar

    Lube, relaxation, and position make a huge impact, especially if you are new at this. Try first with him lying down then lowering yourself down so you are in control of the insertion.

  7. Belle-llama Avatar

    That’s why women have vaginas.

  8. FantasticBeast101 Avatar

    Like others said, you have to ease your way into this and it shouldn’t hurt. What nobody has mentioned, and this is extremely important, is that you need to use lube on his bits and line up your hole. Anal is not supposed to be done dry😬.

    https://www.prevention.com/sex/a20488487/things-you-need-to-know-about-anal-sex/

    https://www.webmd.com/sex/how-to-have-anal-sex-first-time

  9. No_Chemistry8950 Avatar

    I think it’s very normal, right? Things are supposed to come out and no go in that hole. Well, biologically that’s what it’s meant for.

    However, there are those that love it. I personally dated a girl what wanted anal more often than not., and sometimes it was just anal. But most girls I’ve dated didn’t like it or were opposed to it. So, you should just not do it if it’s too painful and you don’t enjoy it. It’s not for everyone.

  10. Glad_Independence874 Avatar

    Lube. Fingers. Lube fungers. Toys lube. Your ass is a exit. It takes time and patience. It wont automatically take a cock.

  11. Dissent-Resist-Rebel Avatar

    You gotta work your way up it. Not just lube and go. It’s about relaxing.

    Try pegging him. See what he says

  12. Hopeful-Goose-4156 Avatar

    Personally I find absolutely no pleasure in anal, only pain. I’ve never been able to get more than the 1st or 2nd size of training sets in without feeling immense pressure and not seeing where the “enjoyable” part comes in.

    Not everyone is made for it, and he is MASSIVE to be doing anal with.

  13. MonsterkillWow Avatar

    Well, my dear, you were crying because that is, in fact, an exit port. It is not meant for that. And your body was trying to warn you lol.

  14. ElegantCombination43 Avatar

    Start out with an asian pen pendulum and some lubes

  15. challenger_RT_ Avatar

    Every woman I’ve ever tried with started crying as soon as the tip went in. And that’s with lots of lube. Pulled out and felt terrible every time.

  16. Sad_Zucchini_5945 Avatar

    Lots of lube- and I find using a little toy on myself during helps me relax and it feel incredible

  17. evantanaka Avatar

    you need to ease yourself into it.

    he can eat you out or start fingering you with one finger until you loosen up and fit up to 3-4.

    some people use anal beads or plugs to loosen up

    and definitely lots and lots of lube

  18. SparkySF Avatar

    You do need to train your sphincter muscles to relax and toys are the best way to do this. The mistake you made was not doing this first. You went straight to a penis and experienced pain. The next time you try, your body remembers that pain and tightens up to protect itself. That’s where many people just stop, but you can get past this.

    Work with the toys on a regular basis, a good time would be when you are in the shower. Let your body get used to the feeling. Always use plenty of lube.

    The most important thing to remember is to wait until you are highly aroused before trying with a penis. Being super turned on when you try it makes everything work so much better.

    When inserting anything, go slowly. There are groups of muscles that make up the external sphincter and internal. Nothing should enter all at once. While you are learning, as insert your toy slowly then pause and take a breath. The muscles will tighten around it then they will relax. This is what you want. The external muscles will fatigue and relax as will the internal muscles.

    Before you try again get some dildos of different sizes and work your way up.

    Good luck.

  19. chapsworth1989 Avatar

    Echoing what everyone else said about lube, training up to it, and going very slow. I semi did it successfully many, many years ago and that was in the side spooning position, on my period, and over many hours of foreplay. You have to be veryyyyyy relaxed and in the mood. If you’re not relaxed, your body will tighten and it won’t work. I haven’t tried it or wanted to try it since then but it was semi enjoyable when I did it. That said, it’s not for me and is more of a kinky novelty. So don’t feel bad if you don’t end up liking it – from what I’ve seen and heard, most women don’t. It can feel good but in a way that’s very different from vaginal pleasure – so don’t expect the same exact feeling. And be ready for your first poop afterwards to hurt like a b

  20. Inevitable-Bag304_ Avatar

    Numbing it was great my first time no training just relaxed really

  21. Aggressive_Habit_207 Avatar

    I don’t think you should do it if you don’t enjoy it
    No need for patience or lubricant
    You really have to want it, you have to like it
    I spent a lot of time trying to please and never liked it
    I learned to like it when I started to enjoy foreplay
    Reaching a peak of pleasure that doing anal is delicious.
    But not every man knows how to do anal with a woman

  22. willsanity209_ Avatar

    This is because the butt is not designed to be f***ed 🤷‍♂️

  23. nick1812216 Avatar

    And what’s with ‘eating ass’? Isn’t that a one way ticket to like sepsis/dysentery/cholera or some other medieval ass disease?

  24. OscarMayersDick Avatar

    um probably because not everyone is 8inches and thick? lmao

  25. Ju5t_j417735_808 Avatar

    You better get with the program or a power bottom will swoop him up!

  26. xoxoxo734 Avatar

    is this a troll post? “8 inches and thick” 😭

    https://www.reddit.com/r/FanumTroupe/s/GfFqlBtaBf

  27. Mermaidman93 Avatar

    You have to slowly train your anus to stretch out. You can’t start out at 8 inches. You start with something small like fingers, and you gradually increase it over time. It will take weeks/months.

    Your bf is either idiotic or sadistic thinking you can just magically do anal out of nowhere when he’s that big.

  28. DannyWarlegs Avatar

    Not enough lube or foreplay. You dont just jump into anal like that. You need a LOT of lube, and you gotta scale up in size. Start with something small like a finger, and work your way up in size.

    Also helps if you’re relaxed and aroused, so usually anal comes later in the game. Ive never once had a girl want to start with anal. Thats usually after theyve came a few times.

  29. rinico7 Avatar

    You gotta play long enough to need the stretchy feeling

  30. OrganizationOk4878 Avatar

    8” and girth too will never work,tell him he’s not missing out on nothin he will be let down

  31. JustFeelTheRainn Avatar

    It’s rare I’ve done it but my partner used to LOVE it so I’d try to do that for him every so often. You just take it slow & use plenty of lube. Being super worked up first helps too. It shouldn’t feel painful though, if it ever does just stop.
    There’s butt plugs to stretch it…I never tried it but I’m sure it would help.

    Going THAT big at first? Yea ouch. You’d have to prep for a looong time for that

  32. Capital-Search-1995 Avatar

    Lube and trust. Toys would definitely help, but live is the key. Also, if it’s not something you aren’t completely on board with, stop doing it 🤷🏾‍♀️ Anal is alright in my book, but If it’s bringing you to tears, don’t put yourself through that.

  33. Consistent-Fly-8427 Avatar

    If you do not enjoy it, please do not do it at all. Wanting to please another person should not be at the detriment of your own comfort

  34. cf7uv3je1 Avatar

    I am a guy, and I bought myself a couple of prostate dildos.

    Don’t put it in at once, I start with one finger, lube it, put it slightly in, out, lube, more deeply in, out, then I need to put a tiny dildo nearly in, then take it out, reapply lube, then a bit more in, out, lube, in, out lube, bigger one.

    It would hurt if I would just push it in at once.

    You need to start yourself, on your own. When you know what you are doing, you will need a minute to be ready for a big anal plug

  35. Klutzy_Passenger_324 Avatar

    what i dont understand is how people have anal im the first place

    like i am soo fucking scared of getting some small pieces of the girls shit that either wasnt wipped away or has stayed in there on my dick, yall that do are some brave soliders

  36. Glow_Up_Heaux Avatar

    The skill of the male partner is highly underrated… most of them, especially larger ones, seem to have no idea what they’re doing. But when I was partnered with men who DID, they were patient and extremely skilled at making anal comfortable for me.