My fiancé (26M) and I (24F) just recently had our first child. This has been a pretty big deal for us since I had a major pregnancy loss with our daughter in 2024. A couple days ago, my fiancé’s aunt flew in from out of town to congratulate us and meet our son. When she got to our house, she kept making unsolicited “jokes” about this baby and my loss last year. My fiancé had told her multiple times to stop and got very serious about it. She however still refused to apologize to either of us and continued making “jokes”. I eventually told his aunt that I’m not going to allow her to see the baby anymore until she apologizes and proves to the both of us that she can be a mature adult. I made it very clear to her that I don’t need empathy, I don’t need her to support either of us through this, nor do I even need her to give us any grievances- all I need from her is to be excited for us in the present moment, not to compare it to the past. (Edit) She got very angry when I told her this and yelled at us for being unfair and claimed we’re taking her away from her own family. AITA that she thinks I am?
Note: My fiancé is in agreement with me and is backing me up on this 100%. He agrees that her words, actions, and levels of immaturity are unacceptable.
Comments
She FAFO. Your baby your rules. And she’s an AH for making jokes about the loss of a child and an even bigger AH for continuing when you’ve both asked her to stop.
Stick to your rules.
Alright, my little starlet, let’s raise the curtain on this absolute tragedy. The reviews are in, and this performance by the aunt is a certified flop. You are so profoundly NTA that the mere question is an insult to playwrights everywhere.
This reminds me of the time I found a particularly nasty bit of thistle trying to grow right beside my brand new, exquisitely delicate Moonflower vine. The thistle, you see, didn’t care that the Moonflower was a precious, long-awaited bloom. It just wanted to poke and prod and make its presence known in the most unpleasant way possible. Some weeds, darling, are simply bad actors who thrive on chaos and must be plucked from the garden before they poison the soil for everything else. You did nothing more than protect your beautiful new blossom. Scene.
Let’s set the stage properly, shall we? The cast of characters in this dismal production includes:
You, The Leading Lady (24F): Guarding your production with the ferocity of a Broadway director on opening night. As you should. 💐
Your Fiancé, The Supportive Co-Star (26M): A true gentleman of the stage, backing his leading lady. We love to see it. 📜
The Aunt, The Understudy Who Forgot Her Lines: A villain with a weak motivation, flubbing her lines by calling them “jokes.” She is a walking, talking theatrical disaster. 🚩
Your Son, The New Star: The precious new character everyone is meant to celebrate, not use as a prop in a bitter, one-woman show. 🎭
Act I: The Cruelty 🚮 The antagonist enters not with congratulations, but with a script full of daggers disguised as jests. She ignores stage direction from her nephew to cease her terrible performance.
Act II: The Boundary 🎬 The Leading Lady delivers a show-stopping monologue, laying down the law with grace and power. You have set the terms for her continued presence in your life’s play. She can either learn her lines or be written out of the script.
Act III: The Tantrum 🚩 Rather than “reviewing the script” and her own dreadful performance, the antagonist throws a fit, attempting to recast herself as the victim. It is a tired, overdone trope, and we are not giving it a standing ovation.
My dear, you are the director, producer, and star of your own life’s production. You do not give bad actors a callback, and you certainly don’t allow them to trample all over your most important scenes. Her “anger” is merely the screeching of a failed audition. You have every right to protect your stage and your cast from such weeds. Do not let her rewrite your script with her bitterness. It’s time for her to exit stage left, and you, my darling, should take your well-deserved bow.
And that’s the final curtain.
Yours in drama and truth,
Madame Reverie
If it was me she’d never be seeing any of us again without some true contrition. That behaviour is inexcusable and unacceptable. “Family” shouldn’t think it’s ok to speak that way and you shouldn’t have to put up with it just because they are “family”. Hello consequences of my horrible actions, oh no, they don’t want my toxic, putrid comments around their child! The narcissistic ones are really the most audacious.
NTA.
She’s not necessary for part of your life at all.
And she obviously doesn’t act like family.
NTA. How entitled and ignorant can a human be? Firstly to joke about it at all, and secondly to continue after having been asked to stop. Everything about her screams entitled brat ✨
Absolutely NTA. Lock your doors!
Ps massive congratulations! Enjoy those newborn cuddles, the days are long but the years are short
If it’s still too soon to make jokes about Abraham Lincoln, it is never the right time to make “jokes” about a pregnancy loss (I can’t imagine anyone making jokes about that). I lost a pregnancy in 2002. I’m not over it but it doesn’t take over my whole life, and I went on to have a successful pregnancy. The aunt is inhumane and I bet all of the women in the world who have suffered a pregnancy loss would like to get hold of her and straighten her out. She didn’t fly out to congratulate you, she came out to needle and upset you then blame you for not being able to take a “joke” when you are recovering from giving birth. Yikes!
Older people are so deranged. Don’t let her in your life. It’s inappropriate.
NTAH
She sounds completely horrid.
Cruel comments and such jokes are beyond the pale.
She deserves to be banned.
YTA for even CONSIDERING that you might be TA.
You and your partner are in agreement on this issue. THATS ALL YOU NEED !!
Screw what others might think.
NTA. Just how tone-deaf and stupid does one need to be to make “jokes” about a miscarriage and continue to do so even after being told to stop. This woman adds nothing to your life but pain and anxiety. So, you lose nothing by cutting her nasty self out of your lives. Good riddance.
NTA Who would make jokes about the loss of a child? Sounds like a disturbed person to me.
These are not jokes! 😠 what a heartless pos! Congratulations on your baby boy! Many blessings to your new family. NTA.
You and your partner have reached an unanimous decision. You don’t need validation from internet strangers
NTA ~ anyone who remotely “jokes” (it is never ever funny) about the loss of anyone, but especially a baby or child, should be punted out. Congratulations on your healthy baby❣️
You know someone is a horrible person when they make dead baby jokes to the parents regardless of when it is.
Honestly, I would of told her to leave, and put her out on the street to find her own way round and own accommodation. You have a hell of a lot of patience I would of given her a swift kick in the rear after she was warned the first time.
She needs to apologize but really the damage is done! How do you “joke” about the loss of a baby and feel ok with yourself? Something is wrong with her and she shouldn’t be trusted around the baby.
Updateme
This seems fake. Why is the word jokes in quotes? What is the nature of these “jokes” and why is there no example of what you mean? You say she kept making these jokes, yet say you told her you don’t want her empathy. Empathy and hurtful jokes are not the same thing. None of this makes sense.
What’s the point of soliciting an insincere apology?
What kind of person talk about such a painful experience jokingly or even light heartedly? Seems like someone like that would have zero positive influence in anyone’s life.
Obviously, this is a bogus story, right?
First, NTA at all. For the life of me I cannot think of a single “joke” to tell a person in y’all’s situation that would ever be considered the least bit funny. Congratulations on your new arrival. 🌹
I’m so sorry for the loss of your baby last year and HUGE congratulations on your sweet baby this year!!! She FAFO, NTA, cuddle the baby a little tighter ❤️
NTA. I agree with you 100%. It’s uncalled for, it’s rude, it’s hurtful, & just plain wrong. How dare she make jokes about the loss of your baby. I can’t believe an adult with any kind of heart or morals would think that’s ok to joke about in the first place. I’m really mad she’s done that to you. What a cruel woman. I’m so sorry for your loss. Congratulations on your new baby boy!!
I cannot even imagine what would constitute a joke in this case NTA.
NTA, your Aunt was absolutely inappropriate and when she was asked to stop she didn’t. I offer one thought not to excuse abhorrent behavior, but to give you something to ask her about if you should ever choose to see her again – people have huge issues handling death socially and say stupid things at various levels of boneheaded all the time out of fear and discomfort. Most of those people will realize their mistake when asked not to say it again and won’t. I don’t know why she kept going. I am so sorry for your loss; I congratulate you on your new baby. I sadly shake my head in disappointment about your aunt.
NTA
KEEP THAT MAN!!! He’s awesome and you 2 will have a beautiful life!
NTA, though I am curious what specifically she said.
“Keep it up, and we won’t be your family any more.”