So backstory is in the beginning of our relationship, me and my girlfriend decided for each of us to unfollow and remove all followers of the opposite sex who aren’t family or close friends and don’t accept anybody random. SHE asked us to do that and I agreed.
Everything was fine for a while. Lately she has been following random guys who have no mutual followers as her which I’ve been finding weird. When she has mutual followers (specifically siblings or her own family are following that person) I then know that there either some type of family or close family friend. Lately she has been following guys who have absolutely no mutuals and are pretty conventionally attractive. Our relationship has been good lately although we’ve had a few small arguments. I’ve never caught her doing anything behind my back or had any suspicions or concerns until this has been happening. It’s only concerns as of right now.
I just find it weird since SHE was the one who asked us not to do this. I haven’t followed or accepted any new female followers since we started dating and made that agreement. I’ve also noticed sometimes that she is the one who follows them first. I’ve also noticed that she accepts there follow requests while I’m at work and she has told me she’s went to sleep already. I’m talking hours after she said she was going to bed. So she’s staying awake after she’s told me she’s asleep and accepting there follow requests. I know she’s awake because I see her follower count go up while she says she’s sleeping and I’m working. Her account is also private meaning she has to PHYSICALLY accept them for her follower count to go up. So I know she’s not really asleep. I noticed it happening one time randomly (again, this is way after she told me she was going to sleep and I was at work) and lately I’ve been keeping track to see if it was just a coincidence and it’s been frequent.
I’ve never ever found any kind of evidence during our entire relationship of her doing anything behind my back. I haven’t said anything to her yet although I plan to.
Is this a red flag?
TL;DR- my girlfriend has been following and accepting new male followers after she asked neither of us to do this in the beginning of our relationship. She has also been doing it after (sometimes hours after) she tells me she’s is going to sleep and while I’m at work. Is this a red flag?
Comments
I’d hate to have to keep track of anyone to that degree, save yourself the grief and just ask her what the fuck is going on.
I’ll be honest, I didn’t read the middle. The title and TLDR tells me enough. To me I’d say this is a red flag. However, keeping this close of an eye on her online activity can lead to you misinterpreting it for something more than it actually is. It could be she just wants more followers, it could be that she’s trying to see if you notice or get jealous/more possessive, or she could have had a backlog of requests. Similarly, she could have a shady reason for doing this. Regardless of the reason, she did lie about being asleep. If this becomes a pattern, that paired with the online activity behind your back IS definitely a red flag, no question about it.
She also went against a boundary she had given you, creating a double standard. She wants to be controlling but to allowed to do the same things she would if she were single? That’s not how relationships work.
I don’t know if it’s a « red flag » or not but you should discuss it with her. She was the one asking to unfollow the opposite sex and now she’s lying to you and follow random guys behind your back.
That is truly inappropriate to me and you should consider the fact that she could be not faithful. But my advice is confront her about this and see what she says.