I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for the past year. I’m a 22-year-old female, and he’s 27. I live with my parents and I don’t go out much. I’m a reserved person, and I don’t really have close friends because I prefer keeping things to myself. People do invite me out, but I usually don’t join them.
I felt like I only had him, and I was actually happy about it. I’ve always shared everything with him — the good and the bad. But whenever we argue, he brings up those personal things I told him and uses them against me. For example, once I told him my mom scolded me. Later, during a fight, he said, “That’s why your mom scolds you,” or “That’s why no one loves you,” or “You don’t even have friends.”
It hurts so much. I thought he was the only person I could count on, but now even he is using my private moments to hurt me. I used to brush it off and think, “It’s okay, he’s my love.” So I stayed.
But today, during an argument, he insulted my mother — he said she has “no sense.” I told him he could say things about me, but it’s not okay to talk about my mother like that. His response? He said I made him angry, so I’m responsible for what he said. He actually blamed me for his insult.
That really broke me.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel stuck. I feel betrayed. This relationship was everything to me, and now I’m questioning it all.
Has anyone else been through something like this? How do I move forward?
Comments
This isn’t love it’s manipulation masked as intimacy. Anyone who twists your pain into weapons and disrespects your mother doesn’t deserve your silence they deserve distance.
Have you ever met in person?
“How do I move forward?” what are you trying to move forward to?
I’m the resident harridan about the difficulties of LDRs, the least you need to be is on each other’s side.
ok I want you to detach yourself from this for a moment and read your words as if you were reading your friends situation. what would you say to your friend if she was going through this with her boyfriend? why should you put up with a behavior that you wouldnt want your friend dealing with?
Turn him into your ex boyfriend would be a good idea before you get squashed
>but now even he is using my private moments to hurt me. I used to brush it off and think, “It’s okay, he’s my love.” So I stayed.
No. Leave him. He’s 27 years old acting like he’s 17. Leave him. It’s absolutely not ok for him to say those things about you, not just your mother.
I am going to point something out. You say you are a reserved person.
You say you don’t have many friends because you prefer to keep things to yourself.
Yet here you are sharing personal information. This is when the internet and social media has created more problems.
If you were living your life 40 years ago, you would accept those invitations out because otherwise you would have no connection to people. There weren’t any other options back then.
People need human connection, even the ones who say they hate it.
I say force yourself to go out and be more social. Ask questions of your colleagues. In that way you don’t focus so much on yourself and your (anxiety) , and extroverts love to talk about themselves.
And ditch the BF who weaponizes your vulnerabilities.
Build a life of your own.
Go out with your friends and build a social circle.