[17M] My parents are pressuring me to cheat on my girlfriend because I’m “young” and “attractive” — but I want to stay loyal.
I (17M) just graduated high school and I’m heading into college soon. A few months ago during senior year, I met this girl. And we really liked each other, and now we’re officially dating. It’s been about a month since school ended, and honestly, this has been the best and healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in.
She’s kind, supportive, and we communicate really well. I can tell she really cares about me — and I care deeply about her. We’ve even talked about the future. It’s serious, but not in a rushed way. Just very genuine.
The problem is my parents.
They’re extremely strict. I’ve never really been allowed to hang out with friends, and getting permission to go out at all is difficult. When I first went out with her (our first date), everything went well — but afterward, my parents were furious. They insulted her appearance and said some really horrible things. I stood up for her, and since then, it’s been a constant back-and-forth. My dad came around a little, but my mom still doesn’t like her at all.
Now here’s where things get confusing and frustrating:
My parents — both of them — have told me that because I’m young and “attractive,” I should not be loyal to just one girl. They think I should be dating multiple girls, “exploring,” and basically sleeping around. My dad even brags about how many women he’s been with in his life, and says I’ll regret being faithful.
But I just don’t agree with that. I’ve made mistakes in past relationships, and this time I’m really trying to grow and be better. I want to treat her right. And especially for her — I want to build something real. I don’t want to cheat. I really do care about her and what we have together.
And it sucks that I’m trying to do the right thing and my parents are pushing me to do the opposite.
I guess I’m just wondering if anyone else has gone through something like this? How do you stay strong in your values when even your own family is pushing against them? And am I being naive for wanting to be committed at 17?
TL;DR:
I’m 17 and in a serious, healthy relationship with a girl I really care about. My parents think I’m too young to be loyal and are pressuring me to cheat and “explore” while I’m still attractive and young. I want to stay faithful and grow with my girlfriend, but my parents are making it hard. Am I being naive for wanting to commit this young?
Comments
You’re not naive, just mature. Stick to your values and do what feels right for you, not what others want
You know the answer to this. Your parents are likely trying to convey that you shouldn’t “settle down” at 17 – and maybe they don’t like your girlfriend. But the language they’re using is totally inappropriate. They should absolutely not be encouraging you to be unfaithful.
17 is incredibly young and this is almost certainly not the person you will end up spending your life with. But it IS a person you will learn a lot of important information about romantic relationships from – so be committed, communicate and treat her how you would want to be treated, regardless of what nonsense your parents say.
I have met high school sweethearts spending life times together so I don’t think it is naive.
But I do think it is unrealistic to think that you have met someone perfect for the rest of your life, when you haven’t even lived majority of it to really figure out who you are. How do you know that you won’t change, but more importantly how do you know she won’t change?
I am definitely not the same person that I was at 17. Even through my 20s, I think I changed 2 or 3 times. As I matured, so did my relationship and the partner that I wanted in my life. Also, adding their level of success as well as outlook on life with wanting children, schooling….. Things get complicated.
I once dated someone super wealthy. I thought she was the one for me. Then I met her parents and became overburdened by their outlook on life. Then it got to her too. Things changed and I didn’t want their life.
Don’t feel like you have to decide and be fixated on what should be forever. Be in love and cherish it. If it never changes, then you found the right one. If it doesn’t work out, something more right for you will be coming alone if you are open to it.
You note your parents are strict but that’s often just another word for controlling. And right now I see them trying to convince you to cheat as another form of them trying to control you: they don’t approve of her, so they want you to sabotage the relationship. They can’t tell you directly to end it, but maybe they can convince you to make bad choices.
Because look, at 17 is it likely this is the girl you will marry? Perhaps not. But that doesn’t mean you should be a shitty person. It doesn’t mean you should have no values. And let’s be real, you don’t want to walk in the footsteps of your father in a lot of things I am sure.
So no, not naive at all. But you will increasingly have to reflect on what roll your parents have in your life as you become an adult. It seems they are much too comfortable trying to manipulate you into making the choices they want and that will be less and less tolerable as you get older.