We met on Tinder earlier this year and have been talking every day since. We got really close, met up in person once when I flew out, and I’ve even met her family. We’ve made plans to see each other again a few more times this year, and I’m serious about her.
We’re not officially in a relationship yet, but expecting that to change soon once we’ve met a few more times. She’s already said she’d be happy to be in one now. We’ve talked about the future a lot – including plans to live together.
She mentioned moving to the UK next year after her lease ends, she graduates, and gets some work experience. We also talked about eventually moving to the US, where her family is, the UK move would just be temporary. We even talked about getting a dog together one day — a joint decision, including what breed we’d like.
But today, she suddenly came across a stray dog in the US and decided to adopt it the same day. It’s a small dog l’m honestly not a fan of, and I feel like this decision makes things a lot harder for us. It could complicate her moving to the UK – both logistically and financially. We already struggle to afford seeing each other as it is, and paying for dog care, vets etc would add more strain.
More importantly, I feel like this kind of long-term decision (the dog is 2 years old and could live another 10+ years) could’ve been a joint decision with me — especially if we’re both serious about building a life together. It feels like a major decision that affects our future was made without me as it’d also be my dog that I’m living with from next year if everything else goes ahead.
Should I be okay about this?
TL;DR
I’ve been talking daily with someone I met on Tinder, we’ve gotten close, met once, and plan to meet more this year. We’re not officially in a relationship yet but heading that way, with serious talks about living together in the UK and eventually the US. We even discussed getting a dog together one day. But today she suddenly adopted a dog on her own — that I’m not keen on — and me telling her that. It could complicate her move to the UK and adds financial/logistical strain, aside from me not particularly wanting to live with it. I felt sad that such a long-term decision wasn’t made together, and I’m wondering if I’m right to feel this way.
Comments
Why are you being controlling over someone you’re not even dating officially?
Yes you are being unfair. You’ve met irl once and she’s not your girlfriend. You have no say in whether she adopts a dog
How can you be serious about ‘building a life together’ and living together in different countries when you’re not even in a relationship? You already said she would be happy to be in one – why are you the one not committing, and then freaking out when she actually GETS a companion?
Let’s look at the facts.
You’re not officially in a relationship but ‘heading that way’. You claim to be close but you’ve only met once. You chat online and have ‘plans’ to meet up in the future. No mention of specific dates or plane tickets booked. I’m seeing a lot of dreams and hopes from your side – but nothing more.
My man, at this stage you’re at best a good online friend, and as such you have absolutely no say what she does with her time and money.
Dude. You’re literally not even her boyfriend. You have no say.
You’re absolutely being unfair. You guys are not officially together and even if you were, you don’t live together. If you feel strongly about her and want to stay with her, you shouldn’t bring this up again. Because she will absolutely not pick you over the dog. I guarantee it.
I think the real question is why you are starting a relationship with someone who lives on a different continent, especially when you can’t afford to see each other. I think you are expecting a lot from her asking her not to live her life this early in not even quite a relationship. Given the distance things may well just fizzle out.
Seeing as you live on seperate continents….yeah
I think your taking a long distance not even relationship too seriously
You’re not even in a relationship. She doesn’t have to run anything by you.