I (14m) have been with my girlfriend (14f) for a while now, and I’m really struggling with what to do. I love her a lot, like really love her. She’s the first person I’ve ever been completely open with. But lately, I’ve started to feel like the relationship is doing more harm than good to me.
She calls me names sometimes (like “ugly” or “anorexic” because I’m skinny), and she doesn’t really care when I try to talk about my feelings — usually she gets defensive or gives me the silent treatment. If I do something she doesn’t like (even small stuff), she either shuts down, hangs up on me, or makes me feel guilty.
One time, I was trying to say something sweet to her about how she’d be the prettiest girl at freshman formal, but I hesitated because I was nervous — and she hung up on me and told our friend that I said she wouldn’t be the prettiest girl there, which wasn’t even true. That kind of stuff keeps happening, and I feel like I can’t even express myself without it getting flipped.
What’s messing me up is that I still love her. When I look at her, I hear this song in my head like she’s “the one.” I imagine soft, romantic stuff — like going on cute dates, cooking together, or just having fun — but when I picture doing it with her, I can only imagine her getting mad at me. It’s like I want soft love, but I’m not getting it with her. And it’s making me feel insecure and drained.
So I guess what I’m asking is:
Can you love someone and still need to let them go?
Am I being dramatic for wanting something gentler?
Should I break up with her, even though my heart still wants her?
Any advice would help. I just feel lost.
Comments
You deserve a love that feels like sunlight, not a storm. If someone tears you down and makes your heart ache more than it soars, it’s time to walk away even if you still love them.
oh honey, your girlfriend is a witch . she’s a liar who obviously can’t be trusted . i remember being 14 & thinking my relationships were going to last forever but i promise you , they won’t .
you’re hella young . it’s a great thing to learn rn that you don’t owe anyone your time & learn to walk away from things when it doesn’t serve you anymore.
your feelings are absolutely valid but it’s not the end of the world . focus on yourself instead of using your energy on someone so mean.
“Should I break up with her, even though my heart still wants her?”
Yes, you should. She’s too immature to be in relationship.
Love, beautiful love, doesn’t come with insults from your partner. It isn’t vengeful or selfish. So from what you wrote, I would advise finding someone who treats you like you are loved.
you should break up with her. even though you love her, she doesn’t seem emotionally ready to be in a relationship yet, and unfortunately you deserve better. it’s okay to still love someone and not be with them anymore, just take some time and your heart will heal. if you stay it will definitely get worse and not better, and you deserve to feel the same love that you give out. im a bit older but not too old (21) so i remember how strong love feels at your age and it’s a beautiful amazing thing, but you’d rather give that love to someone else that can fairly reciprocate. wishing you the best, and things will definitely get better
Even when a relationship is difficult, there is no excuse for insulting your partner, or being mean to them. Respect and courtesy are the bare minimum you should give and receive.
Calling your boyfriend or girlfriend ugly is definitely mean, and also – well, why would you date someone you think is ugly? In my experience, when I’m attracted to someone, or even just when I like a person as a friend, I do not find them ugly! Even if they aren’t conventionally beautiful, the fact that I like a person makes them beautiful to me!
So even though you really love your girlfriend, that isn’t enough when she is treating you badly. You’re quite young so please get into the habit of treating yourself with the respect you deserve.
I would encourage you to break up with her. It will feel awful for a while, and that’s okay. I bet you actually start to feel a lot happier quite quickly once you aren’t worrying about what she will say or do next.
You feel some big feelings for her that seem like love, but you both are young and she’s not being nice to you. Over the next 5 or 10 years, you’ll date some different people, and you’ll see what kind of person you like to spend time with. That’s what dating is for.
You will find a lot of people in your life that you love that will be best to let go over time. Whether it’s bc they are toxic, you’ve grown apart, life takes you in different directions, of one of the many other reasons.
But anyone who loves you will not want to make you feel bad about yourself and no amount of love that you feel for them should make you change. If they consistently hurt you, you need to let them be your past.
Tell her you want to break up the relationship has been stressful lately and it feels more harmful than fun . Remember you will have lots of relationships don’t be with someone toxic maybe one day when you both mature you can try again if you still have feelings
relationships are tough at any age, but you’ve gotta decide what’s best for both of you, even if it’s not easy
Sadly yes you can let go of someone you love, for your own sake. She’s clearly not as emotionally intelligent and secure as you (which is normal, you guys are young…) and you deserve someone who puts on the table just the same as you do!
You may love her and that’s okay, but you have to let her go because she’s not doing you well. Whenever you feel like the costs (fighting, bad feelings, feeling lonely in your relationship) are higher than the benefits (feeling happy , listened , loved) then you’ve got to end that relationship.
On a side note, you’re doing great at 14. Don’t let anyone mess up your personality and your values , you’re doing great!
Bro be a sigma and dump her