I (18m) am dating a beautiful girl (19F) who I am very in love with. I also have a very good friend (18F) who we’ll call K. For some odd reason, my whole family (especially my dad) are incredibly obsessed with me dating K. I live only with my parents and every single time I mention K, my dad either whistles or makes jokes about when our wedding is gonna be. However, he seems completely neutral on my actual girlfriend. I honestly have no idea why this is. My best guess is because my relationship is online. My entire extended family, including my aunt, uncle, 2 cousins and one of my cousin’s girlfriend, came over last week. This coincidentally aligned with my plans with K for her to come over to my house and watch a movie I made. On the literal first night my family was over, I got a text from K that said her sister had a medical emergency and she had to postpone our hangout from Monday to Tuesday. On the previous Thursday, when my mom asked if she was driving over or if we had to pick her up, I told her that we postponed until Tuesday. My uncle started whistling and my Aunt said “well maybe she doesn’t feel the same way about you.” I got confused and kind of angry, but I calmly explained to everyone that me and K had no intentions of dating. Throughout the rest of the week, from Friday until Tuesday, my family made constant jokes about me and K dating or being married, or even watching porn together instead of the movie I made. The most infuriating part about it was many of their jokes involved me being in love with her and her not feeling the same way. Every single time they said one of these things, I mentioned my girlfriend in a catty or passive aggressive way. Eventually, K came over and we had a great time watching my new film. But, unfortunately, my family’s jokes did not cease. My cousin pointed out how I was wearing a shirt with a picture of a tux on it “like how I will at our wedding.” When me and her were watching the film in my bedroom my Aunt came in and said “is anyone pregnant yet?” And my uncle came in and asked if we needed any condoms. Eventually, we came out and were sitting around our outdoor fireplace. It almost seemed like the only thing my family talked about was their fantasy about me and K. Eventually I reached the final straw. I loudly shouted:
“GUYS! STOP! I AM NOT DATING HER! I WILL NOT DATE HER! I WILL NEVER DATE HER! I AM IN LOVE WITH MY GF AND MY GF ALONE! I LIKE HER A LOT, SHE IS ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS! BUT I WOULDN’T DATE HER IF SHE WAS THE LAST WOMAN ON EARTH!”
My family looked shocked. But the worst part was K actually started crying and left. I’ve talked to her since then and she said not to worry because she didn’t feel that way about me, but the fact that I said I wouldn’t date her if she was the last woman on Earth made her feel hurt. I apologized and moved on, but I’ll never forget what my dad said. He said “why wouldn’t you want to date her? She’s so hot!.”
How was it not obvious that wasn’t dating her because I WAS NOT IN LOVE WITH HER! I can’t stand the stereotype that men only date based on physical appearance.
Comments
Crashing out after your weirdo family kept pushing their hallucinations on you? Perfectly normal dude.
NTA
Valid crash out because wtf? You said stop once you’d think they’ll respect you but obviously not.
NTA. Your fam was way outta pocket. They kept pushing after you set boundaries, and you finally snapped, can’t blame you. Sucks K got hurt, but you apologized. You’re not wrong for standing your ground.
Family: Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. But remember, no one gets to decide who you love but you.
Tell K that your outburst was not aimed at her, but the culmination of your family refusing to respect your relationship and making creepy remarks.
Tell her you understand if this has damaged your friendship, and you are sorry for hurting her.
NTA, though
Apologize to your friend. Like a lot. What you said was hurtful to her even if you were doing it to make a point to your family.
No. Being immune to family manipulation is a good thing.
YTA. your friend deserved better than your contempt. You could have just said you love your gf without trashing on your friend.
NTA
but Ewwww, dad ewww!
How much money have you sent this online gf?
Tell your dad and uncles especially that they sound like weird pedo creeps for sexualising an 18 year old girl and your whole family for imagining you fucking. Do it every time they mention you dating K and be crass about it. NTA
Editing to add – the “last woman on earth” was too much and you should apologise more. You may have moved past it, but as she said this really hurt her feelings, she may dwell on it. It’s not a voluntary response, our brains are stupidly wired sometimes.
ESH.
Your family…yikes! They definitely crossed several lines, not just with you but with K as well. She wasn’t in on the joke, so it comes off mean spirited.
You, because your crash out could have been entirely about their disrespect for you and your girlfriend. Nothing needed to be said about how you’d never date K…also, again, you made no indication in your post that she was in on the joke. You can prove a point without taking out innocent bystanders.
Edited for spelling mistake.
Why are you hanging out with K watching a movie you made in your bedroom but yet you’re dating a girl online? Have you ever met your online girlfriend irl? How long have you been with your online girlfriend? How often do you can K hang out at your house? Do you do things that interest her?
You were really rude and disrespectful to K with your little outburst. I understand it’s from previous comments they’ve made but you either put some distance between you and your family (LC or NC) or learn to ignore to their comments.
NTA Apologise for the “last woman on earth”, and follow up with “but I would still do anything for you. I ‘love’ you, but am not ‘in love’ with you”.
Your outburst was kind of insensitive.
What worries me more, and what you should REALLY focus on, in conversations with your family, is that your father called an 18 yr old girl ‘hot’.
….
NTA
Ngl… I was like joke gone too far until your dad said she’s hot… ew…
This may be projection but after going through similar stuff myself with my family I found looking up examples of emotional incest to be really eye-opening. Also, NTA
“I wouldn’t date her if she were the last woman on earth” is an objectively insane thing to say and indicates way more than “I love my girlfriend and I don’t love her”.
Also you haven’t met your girlfriend in person and you love her? I would say ESH because there’s no interpretation of that statement that isn’t unnecessary and horrible, even if the angry outburst was somewhat understandable due to your childish family.
Your family is idiotic but you were even more idiotic, are you too lazy to think? Why did you say that in front of her? Wow, you are a complete idiot.
Why is your weirdo dad calling your 18 year old friend hot?
“why wouldn’t you want to date her? She’s so hot!.”
So why doesn’t your nonce of a dad date her?