I am a 20F I was in a relationship for one and a half years with a 21M we just broke it off two months ago because of long distance, and he just gave up.
I was really miserable without him because he was my first love, and we have experienced literally everything together. But now some days ago I saw a cute guy 20M who I already knew since beginning of college are mutual friend used to like me and everyone knew that.
we kind of have been hanging out a lot because his flat is next to mine in the same building and it gives easy access if we ever want to hang. Even he is going through a break up, but for him, it was not serious enough. They were together for six months. And we kind of kissed and all and I can see him getting attached to me. He always wants to hang out with me and shows at my door any time. He has been asking me out since the day we met, but I don’t think I have it in me to go on a date with anyone at all. Plus him and I have a lot of differences because he is so emotionally stupid. He has 0 EQ. I don’t think I can be with someone who has no goals or EQ in general.
And I don’t know how to break it off because he has been going around, telling everyone of his friends that he’s into me when I don’t want him to go and tell anyone that . I am so so confused about what to do and how to break it off??? He literally lives beside me please help lol
Please help me out chat.
TL;DR:
I am 20F, recently out of a 1.5-year long-distance relationship that ended painfully because my ex gave up. I am still emotionally affected. A 20M guy who lives next door (and has liked you for a while) has started hanging out with you a lot, especially since his own casual breakup. We have kissed, but im realizing he’s emotionally unintelligent, unambitious, and not someone i want to be with. He’s telling people he’s into me, and i am uncomfortable, confused, and not sure how to end things — especially since he lives right next to me.
Comments
There’s nothing there for you to break off; you aren’t dating. Next time he asks you out, just kindly explain you don’t feel any romantic chemistry, don’t think you’d be compatible anyway and would rather go back to being completely platonic friends. There may be some awkwardness afterwards, but there’s nothing you can do about it. You also can’t stop him telling people how he feels about you; that’s on him and has nothing to do with you.
I honestly think that the more time will pass, the harder it will be. He’s dragging you into this for good reasons, and no bad intentions, but as you already identified characteristics in him that you don’t like, it’s important to let him know ASAP that you can’t go forward.
How to tell him: “soft but strong” .is the formula we usually reocmmend.
Soft : saying no with kindness and respect for his feelings. Explaining to him that you are not the right person for him and he is not the right person for you. You can also mention that you are not interested in a situationship or casual connection.
Strong : less is more. The more you will talk, the more he might get confused. Clear words are important : don’t say “I’m not interested at the moment” but “I’m not interested and I won’t be later”.
“I don’t want”. Don’t say you want to be “friends”. This formula is way too ambiguous, as nowadays the concept of “friendship” between men and women is became very subjective, and many men take this as a way to say “keep pursuing me, stay in my friend zone, and eventually we’ll hook up”.
After the words, actions :