so, my boyfriend and i have been together for nearly 2 years, i’ve always known he was a bit ‘fruity’ but anytime i would bring up the subject he’d make jokes and deflect. i myself am female but pansexual so reassured him it’s a safe space but decided to not push him any further on the topic. forward to a week ago and while intoxicated he told me he is curious and wanted to know what it would be like to suck a dick and that me pegging him is great but he’d like to try the real deal. i was extremely comforting and understanding but wondered where it left us, he mentioned us bringing a third in so he could experiment but the male would have to like him more. we slept and the next morning after thinking about it i told him i wasn’t comfortable with been open and i think it’s best to call it so he can explore and figure out who he is, he then denied that anything he said was true and claimed it was all jokes and he only wants me. it’s been a week since this all happened and despite me trying to talk about it more he just keeps saying let’s not talk about it and that he’s only attracted to me (a lie i know) im just not sure what my next step should be, we love each other a lot and it would hurt to lose each other but i cant help but feel like it’s wrong if i don’t let him go, but another part of me says he tells you that he wants you so why are you overthinking it. sorry for the long one but i don’t know where else to ask because i don’t want to ‘out’ him to people we know irl
TL;DR partner is questioning sexuality but won’t be open about it, don’t know if i should stay or leave
Comments
Congrats for taking what he said with such maturity and emotional intelligence, it’s rare.
It sounds like he’s not yet able to be fully comfortable with who he is, or at least he’s unsure about his relationship style.
As you told him, he should make his mind clear, as it’s a risk for your current relationship. He might “discover” himself frustrated by monogamy / exclusivity in a few months or years, and it would ruin everything you’ve tried to build.
He’s obviously scared of losing you, which led him to back up the next day.
I would advise him to talk to a sexolog, and sig in his own self to find the person living there. And then, align with this person.
He might discover that this idea was just a fantasy, but not necessarily something he would enjoy doing. (it happens soooo many times, and then people regret it).
Or maybe he’s not at a stage in the his life where his sexuality is stable enough to build a relationship with one person