My (25F) sister (24F), who I’ll call Cecilia, was in a relationship with Sean (27M) from July to December 2023. At the beginning of 2024, Sean confessed that he had cheated on her once by kissing one of his female friends in November; she decided to stay with him, but while they were trying to salvage the relationship he kept confessing to other things he did, like kissing this friend other times and almost having sex with her, and kissing another girl at the beginning of the relationship.
It all came to an end during summer of 2024, when he got tired of my sister constantly feeling down and having doubts about them; he broke up with her while on holiday, telling her he had been making efforts but was exhausted, throwing back at her the fact that he spent lots of money on her and she did almost nothing in comparison (even though he has a full time job that pays way more than our national average and still lives with his parents, while my sister was still a student at the time), and saying lots of hurtful and demeaning things in general, essentially blaming her for his past actions and refusing to take accountability.
During this past year they have been going back and forth on their relationship, with Sean coming back to fix things and then dumping her every couple weeks for any other random girl he meets, and my sister falling for it every time. She has lost lots of weight and had to start going to therapy because of it; I’ve tried my best to help her, since I went through a toxic relationship and I’ve been cheated on in the past as well, but she doesn’t really listen to me nor values my opinion because she says I’m biased against Sean.
The one person my sister actually listens to is her best friend, Veronica (24F). They have been close since childhood, and my sister tells her everything, so she knows all these details and probably even more; despite that, Veronica has never had anything bad to say about Sean: when my sister had doubts about being able to look past the cheating, she would tell her to wait and give him some time; when our mother asked her to please help my sister move on, she told her Sean was perfect for Cecilia; when my sister decided to block him, Sean texted Veronica and she acted as a messenger between the two until they started speaking again. In general, she has been pushing her to keep trying even when my sister wasn’t so sure anymore.
Now I found out thanks to my best friend, who is also friends with Veronica, that she has been talking positively about Sean to other people, saying he was always good with Cecilia and that they were the perfect couple; she even called Sean once for help with an infected piercing – he doesn’t have any expertise on the subject and there were plenty of other people she could’ve called before going to him. I understand she doesn’t want to expose my sister’s relationship problems, but I also feel like you don’t have to talk so highly about her cheating ex to do that. I’ve talked about this with my best friend, who knows Veronica better than I do, and we both agree that, if Sean were to pursue Veronica, she would not turn him down, but I’m afraid we’re reading too much into her actions.
I’m afraid that since Veronica is essentially the only person my sister actually listens to, she’ll push her back into a toxic dynamic that has been destroying her for a year and a half now. I really don’t understand Veronica’s motives behind this, if she has any; I want to help my sister, and I don’t want to tell her to drop her best friend, but I think she’s not a good influence for her. I feel like a true friend would have not taken Sean’s side in front of other people while knowing all the things he did to hurt Cecilia.
Am I being too harsh on Veronica? What could the motives behind her actions be?
ETA:
TL;DR: My sister’s ex cheated on her multiple times and emotionally manipulated her. Her best friend Veronica, who knows everything, keeps supporting the ex, encourages my sister to stay with him, and talks positively about him to others. I’m worried she’s enabling the toxic cycle and might want to sleep with him, but I’m not sure if I’m being too harsh. What could be her motives, and how can I help my sister without pushing her away?
Comments
From your own experiences, I’m sure you remember that there were those that tried to get you to see what was going on in your toxic relationship and their words fell on deaf ears. Right now your sister needs to focus on her therapy far more than she needs you getting caught up in the relationship drama of who-said-what-to-whom. Encourage her to talk to her therapist about this situation and stay out of it yourself; if your friend wants to talk to you about what Veronica is saying about Sean, then just let your friend know ‘I’m not discussing anything about Sean right now. He hurt my sister and my focus is on helping her heal’
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.