“ I do love you. It’s why I’ve stopped cheating, lying and looking. I want to be with you for the remainder of what we have left in this life together. “
Seriously, not once was I good enough for him to Stop all the cheating and lying for over 30 years.
His occupation as a pilot flying 17 days every month in Asia where sex is cheap for any man.
How do you even move forward with someone so miss trusting and deceiving?
He could never fit me into his life in the past but only to use me.
He struggles to fit me in his present unless he wants something.
How will he fit me into his life in the future?
We’ve had two solid good years. I wonder if it’s only a matter of time the past starts repeating again?
Why do people get to this point to say these words, “I finally want to be with you” when they know their aging, having health issues, getting fat becoming unattractive?
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New phone, who dis?
Sounds like something has caused him to take stock of his life and he’s decided you are the person he wants to burden with his declining age and increasing needs. Tell him to sit on a prop and rotate.
Yikes.
That is so insulting. Have you been waiting for him to get it together? If so.. Not judging but why? Do you have a life of your own your friends, family, work that doesn’t involve him? Why does he really want this now? RU sure he doesn’t have someone else that didn’t work out somewhere else and now he wants you as his consolation prize like you’ve been pining for him all these years?
Why did you put up with that for 30 years?
His little friend doesn’t work that well any more. He doesn’t have any more cravings to satisfy. If you still like him he’s probably going to be better than he was.
I’m in my 50s, so I have to say – aren’t you too old to be dealing with this nonsense? I know I am.
There are so many other men out there – men who don’t actually cheat. Men who will make you a priority. Men who will be thrilled just to spend time with you. Or be single. Either way, it’s better than this guy.
Make yourself a promise to never again wonder where you stand with a man, to never again settle for less. Don’t wait for any man to see your worth. If he doesn’t see it now, it’s beyond time to let him go.
edited because I just realized you had 2 solid years of 30. Oh my friend, why?
Please get some therapy and figure out why you’ve stayed this long. Is he facing retirement? Is he deciding he better treat you well now that he’s going to be home all the time? You deserve better.
This will sound harsh….but you accepted this for 30 years.
If I was a betting woman, I would put money on you continuing to accept this.
Kind of rare to grow a spine at the age of 60.
So demeaning I dunno why you deal with this liar. He’s only going to cheat on you even if he tells you this bs
A psychologist I like says all of the moralizing some do about cheating is simply because they don’t have the options to do so. I tend to agree. My view is that men and women shouldn’t marry until later in life, if at all. Having children is another story…
You knew he was doing this to you for over 30 years and yet you stayed. This was a choice.
I mean you know he is aging and becoming unattractive and then running back to you. Do you really need to ask why when you answered your own question.
I cant speak for you but I would rather enjoy my remaining years on earth being happy and alone (well not really i have family and friends) than miserable in a marriage.
Who knows you might meet some that doesn’t make you feel worthless.
I’d consider what my choices are here. I like using the term ‘choose your hard’. Staying with a man who doesn’t respect you and has issues with his dick’ is one difficult hard choice. The other is leaving him.
Consider seriously what both individually look like for you. At 60 being alone may be fabulous and you can meet someone else lovely who will treat you much better. But it also may be being alone a lot and you may have a smaller house and life after it. Being single can be lonely (but often worth it when you are unhappily married).
If you can work it out with him- what does that look like? Will you be worried he’s always considering his next shag at home now? A friend or neighbour? That will be devastating for your self esteem.
No judgement either way. But he didnt ask to talk to you. He texted you a short message and no real change plan.
Either get an amazing lawyer and use the message as evidence against him. Or get a couple therapist. And work out clear non negotiables with him.
You messaged reddit , i think you made your choice but want to be validated for it. And go for it!! You can do it, you fabulous lady!
He’s getting old and wants to settle and for you to take care of him.
30+ years of him flying away and cheating… did you stay faithful?
Why did you stay when he didn’t?
Girl! It would be so funny if you left and enjoyed the rest of your retirement travelling, making new hobbies and having fun. He has probably realised that he will need you to care for him or something and is doing what he has done for years. Use you. You deserve better RIGHT NOW
Well erectile dysfunction means he has to settle now for the person who best duplicates his mommy or primary caretaker in childhood. Sounds like that’s you.
Why would you be with a guy who cheats on you and clearly with sex workers, risking your health.
Block his dirty ass.
It is bs. He will continue to cheat until viagra stops working.
He’s seen what it’s like on the open market. You’re the one he he thinks is stupid enough to be his nurse and purse. Block and move on.
You need a divorce lawyer and to move on with what’s left of your life and stop letting this loser drain you dry until you die
He’s looking at his mortality and wants to make sure he has a caregiver when he’s older and retired. Block him.
30 yrs, why did you stay with him all those years knowing what he was up to? He basically told you he wants you to be his nurse going forward. Well now that’s he needs you it’s time to dump him for someone younger to be your nurse.
Sounds like he’s reaching an age where he can’t fly anymore and doesn’t get the easy Asian sex access
My husband who I was with for 20 years said shit like this.
Even when he was with his new girlfriend he lived with and lied about after I left him.
He won’t ever change. There’s something wrong in their brains. I did 20 years and let me tell you,alone is better,safer. Doesn’t knock my confidence. He will lie,he will cheat the second he can. He’ll just get better at hiding it.
So you’ve accepted his cheating forever and now you’re upset because he acknowledged it? Why?
Uhm..
He’s penis doesn’t work like it used to. So now he needs pills to make it usable again. But the pills bring health risks that are now higher than the benefit of PAID sex.
So he’s calling you in. The woman he benched for 30 years that he knew would be a great care taker for him for when his body started to give up on him and his lifestyle.
Jayy.. you won! What a prize he is.
Once someone has the “playboy” lifestyle they don’t change. Why do you even want to entertain such thoughts?! Just don’t respond.
Unfortunately you’ve told him that his behaviour is acceptable for 30 years, so him doing the bare minimum to be a faithful partner right now feels like he deserves an award for going above and beyond.
That’s what the text is about, he wants you to praise him for his efforts.
Whether or not you can do that, is up to you.
You’ve gotten past the worst of it. Somethings made him stop, either lower libido or ill health.
His health is failing, he no longer wants the cheap sex, he wants a nurse and caretaker. Someone to take care of the home and chores and organising his appointments and meds! Thats your reward for putting up with his lying an cheating all these years, is you get to spend your retirement as an unpaid carer.
You probably won’t, you’ve put up with this for 30 years so far, but you should reply to this letting him know that it is far too little, far too late and you emotionally left him decades ago, this text is the final nail in the coffin and youre off to enjoy your first taste of freedom! Go on holiday, somewhere with sun and sand and have yourself a nice fling with a handsome waiter.
Its your turn for freedom. Don’t let this used up, dry little toad make you his nurse.
They get to that point when they realize they can keep snagging younger women, or generally continue to cheat. Or they are ill and want a nursemaid. So they decide to sweet-talk the wife who has put up with his bullshit for three decades. It’s worked so far!
not once was I good enough. so miss trusting and deceiving. He could never fit me into his life. fit me in his present unless he wants something. How will he fit me into his life in the future. only [] use[d] me.
What do your own words tell you, OP?
We’ve had two solid good years. Out of 30?
Why are you asking what his motivations are instead of asking why you are even entertaining this level of neglect? Why are you not asking yourself what YOU want?
Damn OP.