I (27F) recently married my boyfriend (27M) of 7 years. During our dating years, everything was great. we were happy, laughed together, and I truly believed I had found the one. But ever since we got married, things have changed drastically… and not in a good way.
It’s like a switch flipped. He criticizes me constantly the way I talk, cook, clean, even how I carry myself. He wants everything done his way, and if I do anything differently (like cooking a meal my way), he snaps. I try to have conversations with him privately, but he insults our marriage in front of our mutual friends. Not just once, it’s become a pattern. It’s humiliating and painful.
What’s worse is that he’s become extremely close with a woman from his office. She often comes to our home, especially when I visit my parents. He’s even told her that he’s in a “bad marriage.” She stays over sometimes, and I find it incredibly disrespectful. Meanwhile, we don’t even sleep in the same room anymore.
When I confront him, he blames his “anger issues” or says it’s my fault that I’m boring, uninteresting, and not sociable enough. But I’ve always been more introverted. He used to accept me for that. Now suddenly it’s a flaw.
The worst part is that I feel like I’ve lost my self-worth. I walk on eggshells constantly, afraid he’ll lash out or mock me. He’s kicked me out of the house multiple times just for questioning why he spends hours talking to this woman instead of working through things with me.
He says I don’t put in effort, but I’m the one holding the relationship together, doing everything I can. I’ve even bought him gifts he always finds something negative to say about them. I don’t feel appreciated. I don’t feel respected. And honestly… I don’t feel loved.
I’m scared. I’m confused. And honestly, I feel stupid for still hoping this marriage can work. We’ve even talked about divorce, but I still have this tiny hope that things can be fixed.
But I can’t fix this alone.
Has anyone been through something like this? Is there any coming back from this kind of emotional neglect and disrespect? How do I even begin to rebuild myself with or without him?
Any advice, or even just kind words, would mean the world right now.
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Leave him and get a divorce. is there really any point in putting any energy into this? he’s clearly not interested in being married to you and is being nasty and aggressive.
I’d be outta there ASAP.
It is unfortunately common for abusive men to play the good guy until they have you trap by marriage, mortgage, or child. They know how to play the long game.
People tell women to pick better, but sometimes women don’t see someone is abusive until it’s too late. You can’t fix this at all because he’s abusive. Abusive men never change.
The only thing you can change is what you do, either stay and be abused or leave.