I keep hearing that people who don’t have kids end up lonely, bored, and full of regret. But is that actually true, or just something society tells us to make parenthood seem like the only “right” choice?
Plenty of parents talk about how fulfilling having kids is, but I also see a lot of exhausted, stressed-out parents who don’t seem as happy as they claim.
So, for those of you who are older and chose not to have kids—what’s the reality? Do you regret it, or is life without children just as meaningful? Would love to hear some real, unfiltered perspectives!
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I don’t have kids and I have regrets.
Granted, I haven’t made a final decision about them, I have a partner I could totally have them with, and I wasn’t talking about regrets with respect to parenting.
But I don’t have kids and do have regrets, soooo
My understanding is it’s less about people who decided to be child-free and have regrets, and more about people (usually women) who always wanted children, but, for whatever reason, their fertility window closed before they found the right guy. It’s about the grief that surrounds women who always wanted children, but ran out of time.
I remember hearing something about this on Modern Wisdom, or Diary of a CEO, and the stat was mind-blowing. Something like 80% of childless women never intended to be childless, yet ran out of time anyway.
There’s a term for this, something like nebulous grief, or amorphous grief or something like that, and it’s an observed phenomenon.
Edit: ambiguous loss.
> Plenty of parents talk about how fulfilling having kids is, but I also see a lot of exhausted, stressed-out parents who don’t seem as happy as they claim.
Being exhausted and stressed doesn’t mean we aren’t happy. It’s challenging but moreso rewarding.
Common myth, in my opinion. This is anecdotal, but of all the child free people I’ve known, they’ve only become firmer in their convictions as they aged. Myself included.
Not only are both true, but the inverse is true as well.
On reddit you get upvotes if you want to be child free. Down votes if you want to be a parent. It’s that simple.
Has nothing to do with real life
> I keep hearing that people who don’t have kids end up lonely, bored, and full of regret.
I keep hearing the opposite. People have kids and dedicate their entire lives to them at the expense of having their own social lives and hobbies. Kids grow up and get their own families that they focus on. Empty nester parents then grow old and lonely as they have no real friends left anymore.
Meanwhile child-free people/couples build lifelong friendships with other child-free people/couples and always have friends and their social life so they are never completely alone.
I’d be interested in the 55+ crowd’s opinion more than anything. It should be once the window has closed, do you regret it now?
Well I didn’t exactly choose it, as much as me just being terrible at relationships.
But to answer the question, yes I’m definitely lonely a lot of the time, but I also enjoy it a lot more as I get older. I’m slowly working up to the idea of just living in a cabin in the woods.
Is life less meaningful? Maybe on the everyday stuff, but I’ve been able to have a lot more crazy adventures which continue to be the envy of friends and family with kids.
For a counterpoint, see r/regretfulparents
Short answer – everyone is different. Some people have kids and don’t want them, some don’t and do, some got what they want. It’s more important to know what YOU want vs everyone else.
42M, had a vasectomy in my early 20s.
Never looked back and never regretted it a single, solitary time.
I do not hate kids, but I have never wanted them. I do not advocate for everyone I know to not have kids, but I do wish our society did a better job explaining the pros AND the cons of having kids.
No regrets so far.
My life is pretty fucking good. I get to do and see more because I don’t have children.
Take what parents say with a pinch of salt. Having a kid literally changes the structure of your brain. Makes you prioritize and see things differently.
Most parents I know “love their kids but if they had to do it again, they wouldn’t”