Like the title says, I know this is an issue that’s come up time and time again. But I’d like to explain my situation and get some advice.
My gf and I have been dating since high school and have done LDR since we started college. We were good friends for many years before this. Relationship is pretty steady throughout our time so far. Except last year or so of LDR I’ve noticed a lot of problems with her screen time… paying attention to social media while on the phone with me, so we hardly ended up talking. Another problem we had was her giving up on my struggles with depression and anxiety. This is the exact reason I left her school to go to another because I was negatively affecting her with my mental health.
Anyways, fast forward to this summer. I go on a career altering internship and I met this girl, call her Jane for anonymity, who we become friends VERY quickly. Jane and I learned we share a lot of the same struggles and supported each other through it on the internship. She would also go out of her way to ensure I got the tasks I wanted during the majority of the internship. Everything she did was so kind and caring, as nobody in my life has ever treated me this way before. It was so good it made me question my relationship.
I know about the whole grass is greener dilemma. And I hope that this isn’t the case, but I’d like honest feedback. I’ve had plenty of girls hit on me before and I couldn’t care less, but Jane and I have such a close emotional bond that it eventually made me fall in love with her. So here I am stuck, not wanting to hurt either of them but I ultimately know one of them will at some point…
I know Jane has fallen for me as well confirmed by one of her friends. It is also worth noting Jane lives in a different country so it would be an LDR. I really don’t know what to do in this situation and would take any and all advice, thoughts, criticism. Sorry for the long post I rarely use Reddit.
tl;dr Fell in love with a friend on a summer internship because of an emotional bond while in a long term relationship with my gf
Comments
You should end it. Not for Jane, but because you’re unhappy and too young to spend a minute of your dating life unhappy. Do not start another LDR at 21.
Yes you should. You deserve to be with someone you love and she deserves to be with somebody who loves her back and sees her as a top priority.
I think a big part of the problem in your current relationship is that it is an LDR, so I think jumping to another relationship that is an LDR would be a big mistake.
I think this new woman has shown you that you are no longer enjoying your current relationship, and the answer is probably to break up. But moving directly into another relationship is a bad idea. You’ve never been single as an adult. You should do that for a good while (like a year) before you even think about dating somebody else.
You should stop dating until you get yourself sorted out.
> Another problem we had was her giving up on my struggles with depression and anxiety.
It is not your partner’s responsibility to treat your mental health issues. You should be working with a therapist to resolve those issues instead of burdening a partner with it.
You’re only 21 and you’ve spend your entire adult life in a relationship. Be single. Learn who you are as an independent person instead of 1/2 a couple and learn not to jump from relationship to relationship.