Context: We’re both gay. A couple weeks ago I (25M) had a conversation with my friend (26M) about how I felt our friendship had been towing the line of more than just platonic in a way that was becoming really confusing for me. We would go out nearly everyday after work, he would be the first person to text me in the morning and the last at night, he would rely on me for emotional reassurance about things that looking back are a bit much for just a friend, etc. We were each other’s #1 for basically everything, and we would both be possessive of each other to the point some of our mutual friends would joke he was my boyfriend, including to his face.
Anyway, during our conversation I basically laid out that it had gotten to a point where if we were just friends, I would have to put up a boundary because I realized I was emotionally giving myself to him in a way that was more than platonic and that wasn’t healthy for either of us if he didn’t want anything romantic. He stood silent the entire time, fidgeting and not pushing back on what I said (EXTREMELY out of character for him which put me more on edge) and at the end told me he’d “back off” and I could reach out to him when I was ready. Well yesterday, I decided to text him and say we should grab something to eat soon. He said he’d like that and now I’m just not sure where to go from here. We haven’t spoken at all since and I feel like there should be a follow up of some kind (especially since following that conversation I was told things that make me believe he was holding himself back).
TL;DR, Had conversation with friend a couple weeks ago where I confessed the closeness of our relationship was making me feel confused/like it was something more than friendship and I wanted to set a clear boundary if he just wanted to be friends. We haven’t spoken since and now I’m not sure where to go from here after he’s accepted my invite out.
Comments
I think you need to be clear internally whether you’re open to more or not (reading this it feels really ambiguous). His response to say hell “Back off” reads like he wanted something more and interpreted your convo as you shutting it down…but you never say you don’t want more with him either? If you want more with him then you need to be clear, and if not you need to be clear, especially since you initiated this new interaction. It’s cruel at this point to stay on the fence.