My partner and I have been together for 3 years now and it’s been a trainwreck.
It was love at first sight, and everything was so great for the first year that we decided to move in together. It just felt right, Right after we made the decision to move in together, we started getting into little arguments over nothing, there were attitudes and remarks etc. To me, that was a sign to put the move on pause, that it wasn’t right.
I brought this up to my partner and she said it was too late. She had already informed her landlord, and they found a new tenant to move in after her lease as up.
She also said we could make it work, work on things. I wanted this to work and so from a place of optimism I decided to make it work.
It was very apparent from the time we moved in that it wasn’t working, and we’ve tried and tried these last two years, but it’s not working at all.
I think one of the things that makes it difficult is she has a young child, who I’ve been raising with her, as his bio dad isn’t in the picture. I love him and he’s a great kid but it’s really hard. It’s felt like we’re more parents than partners, and there’s definitely an unequal dynamic. She often loses her temper with him, and if I so much as have a tone in my voice, or get upset because of him she gets upset with me. It’s like she expects me to be his dad but I don’t get the privileges of being a bio-parent.
And for context, an example of me getting upset with him is like this morning, he’s just been “on one”, and I was telling him to get dressed and he was giving me attitude and when I came back into the living room I said to her “man, I’m so tired of his attitude” and she was so upset with me, saying this isn’t working etc.
I’ve tried stepping back as a parent in the past but then that just made things worse with her, there’s more resentment and contempt.
To make matters worse, I started dealing with health issues when we moved in together. Looking back they started a few weeks into us dating.
It’s gotten to the point where I’m not able to work, and thus dependent on her. I had a really good job but had to resign as I no longer have the capacity to do the job. I missed over a 100 days of work last year, and 12 weeks through FMLA this year.
Even basic tasks like brushing my teeth or holding my phone up feel strenuous. The other day I was cleaning the counters and about 30 seconds in my hand cramped up, and the burn in my arm was so intense I had to stop.
There’s also cognitive issues, I just cannot think or remember clearly, at all. I’m having trouble comprehending stuff etc.
I just feel really debilitated.
I’m working with drs but they think it’s just depression. I ended up in a psych ward for a week recently due to suicidal ideation because I feel so hopeless for my situation, that I can’t improve my health issues.
I’m coming off anti-depressants and dealing with withdrawals and so yesterday I felt so sick I didn’t go to the 4th of July event with her and her son, even though I wanted to. And today’s she’s just in a horrible mood and taking it out on me. She wants a partner who can be there and do “the important things” with them. In theory, I want that too, but I need to take care of myself.
So I’m without a job, my cars in the shop, I don’t have any money, friends, or family.
Even when I had my job, and was making decent money, rent is so expensive where I live I can’t afford anything here. Even just private rooms are over $1k/mo, often $1200-1400. That would’ve been 50% of my net pay.
This isn’t good for me, and it’s not good for her or her son. I knew we shouldn’t have moved in together in the first place and I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life and I’ve lost everything. I’ve never felt such intense regret in my entire life.
I just need to get out but I don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know where to go or how I’ll sustain a living.
I just need some advice.
TL;DR my partner and I have been together for a few years, but it’s not working. Due to health issues, I lost my job and am not able to work at the moment, and I don’t have any friends or family to rely on. I need to get out.