TL;DR: Bf (m34) lost job and won’t contribute to anything in the house. Advice needed.
I want to explain a situation and ask the question of you all – if I am going crazy. I’ll try and be specific and short for the read.
I am F aged 33 He is M ages 34
Relationship of 7 years.
- Last week I expressed to my partner that he wasn’t investing in our house – financially, with effort or time.
- This week after doing a food shop (click and collect) order online… I told him I had lost my slot as hadn’t done this fast enough
- I then re did the order and asked if he would mind getting this on Monday and if so; what’s his preferred time. He responded with “huh whattt – when did this become about me”
- I then said to not worry about it and I’d figure something else out
- I sat for 15 minutes and then said calmly that I’m really cross with his response. He told me that I was actually cross that my slot had timed out. And that I had chosen that morning to wake up in a mood with him and that I had spent ten minutes stewing on the issue and 10 minutes arguing with him – I then didn’t really speak to him for the full day as he was shouting about how annoyed he was.
- This morning I message him from my office upstairs to tell him that I have a food shop booked for collection at midday. He doesn’t respond. I come down and tell him at 11:30am that if he wants to come he’ll need to be ready to leave in 20minutes. He said ok – but I’m not getting out of the car to help as I’m not dressed properly.
- I come back down 20 minutes later and he’s on the phone to his step mum, telling her that I woke up angry with him and that today he has to go and collect my shopping as I am a shopaholic. When I tried to talk over him and explain the actual situation he kept talking louder. When reaching my car I asked him to get out and not to come. He did – but left the door wide open in the road.
- We’ve not spoken since.
Background for this: he lost his job 3 months ago and hasn’t worked since. He doesn’t contribute financially to the house or clean or cook anything. To the point where he will ask me what’s for dinner after finishing a 12 hour day.
I feel that everything I raise to him he flips onto me and I become the issue. I am a working professional running a team which comes with huge pressures. I work long hours and keep the house going. I am told by him that my standards are too high – despite my standards feeling quite low with him sat on my sofa playing PlayStation right now and only getting up for smoke breaks.
Help me out. How do I communicate with this child?
Comments
He’s a grown ass adult. You need to come to terms with the fact that he knows exactly what he’s doing but he’s pretending otherwise because he knows it will get him what he wants. What you want to do with that information is up to you.
Wow you get to be the breadwinner and the housewife while he does <checks notes> absolutely nothing? Good gig if you can get it.
Run your home like you’d run your team and ditch the dead weight
I have no idea why you’re even trying. Send that man baby back to his stepmom and find an adult partner.
Seriously, this day to day stress and pain is awful. Time for a summit meeting to clear the air and get back to normal. Hopefully, normal means happy and mutually supportive. Otherwise, why?
You’re asking how to communicate to him. That’s the wrong question.
The question is how long are you going to continue carrying all the financial, mental, and physical demands of the home for both of you, while he antagonizes you? More immediately, why are you making dinner for him when he had all day at home to do it?
You have a dependent, not a partner. He won’t get better, only worse. Make sure he doesn’t get you pregnant then dump him so he can cry to his step mom about it.
So he lost his job, has 0 savings to help out. No unemployment. No food stamps. Did he help around the house before? And now suddenly nothing? Or always nothing? Is he is job hunting?
Give this parasite the boot!! Eviction or whatever you need to do to make it nice and legal. He is just using you are this point.
I’m sorry is this your boyfriend or your lazy teenage son?