TL;DR: Had late-night conversations with 16M, became weirdly clingy, realized he doesn’t see our friendship the same way I do, now I’m being distant and everything feels terrible. NEED advice on how to handle this.
So I (16F) met this guy (16M) in my elective class last year. We’re both still gonna be in the same class this year since its an elective. He’s really friendly, easy to talk to, and gay (which honestly made it really easy to talk to him). We never really connected much beyond casual class conversations.
Then one day he texted me, complaining about something in class, and I just went along with it. This kept happening for a few days until spring break, when we ended up texting back and forth all day. Now that was REALLY unusual for me, as a person who never gets texted often and never has notifications on my phone. A couple of days later, we had a late-night conversation,where he opened up about some really personal family stuff.
Here’s where I probably should have seen the red flags in my behavior. I was going through a lot of self-reflection at the time and had major trust issues with friends. None of my friends had ever trusted me with deep stuff like that, so when he opened up to me, it felt incredible. I ended up sharing my own family issues with him that same night, stuff I’d never told anyone before, not even my childhood best friends; like, I’ve never been to therapy or spoken a word about any of this stuff to anyone. It felt so good knowing there was someone who had struggled through similar stuff. It was honestly a big deal for me.
I found out later that he has a super supportive friend group and tons of people he trusts. So what felt like this huge, meaningful moment to me was probably just a regular day for him. After that night I got really clingy, and I mean weirdly clingy. I probably have attachment issues tbh, and I started talking to him every class, texting him constantly, and venting about all my negative thoughts and anxiety attacks. Looking back, it was honestly so weird how attached I became so quickly. It healed me so much to finally have someone to talk to, but I think it overwhelmed him and probably made him super uncomfortable.
So I decided to emotionally detach myself because I felt so bad about how clingy I was. He’s this funny, outgoing, kind, positive person, and I don’t blame him for feeling awkward after I kept dumping all my negative energy on him. I realized he probably just sees me as a casual “texting friend,” while I saw him as something way more meaningful. It hurts knowing we don’t view each other the same way.
Now I’m in this weird phase where I feel really bad about how clingy I was, so I’m being emotionally distant. I don’t text him first anymore. I wait for him to text me, and I keep my responses dry and don’t double-text. I feel colder than usual when I talk to him.
Recently, I hung out with him outside of class for the first time with another friend, and I saw how happy he was talking to that person instead of me. It made me feel terrible. He even mentioned how I was “boring” during the hangout, probably as a joke, but it still stung bad. My other friend noticed my attitude change and said I “just look so done.” And yeah, I am. The one person who knows me as a whole, who truly understands me, would rather talk to someone else than me. That really hurts, but I could be overthinking it.
The thing is, I’ve decided to emotionally detach myself from him, but it really hurts. I still have to see him in class for the next two years. Eventually, he’s gonna ask why I’m being distant, and I have no idea what to say. I might be overthinking this whole thing, but I genuinely don’t know how to handle being around him anymore. The dynamic feels completely ruined.
What should I do? How do I cope with this situation? Has anyone been through something similar? I feel like I’m stuck between being too clingy and being too distant, and I don’t know how to find a normal middle ground.
Edit: Just to clarify, I’m not romantically interested in him since he’s gay. This is more about friendship attachment issues and not knowing how to handle this friendship.