So here’s what happened. I’m still kinda shaking just thinking about it, honestly. My husband’s sister hit me up asking to borrow money. Not a little either it was a few hundred bucks. Thing is, we’re not exactly rolling in cash right now. Like, we’re still catching up from car repairs two months ago, and every paycheck is already spoken for before it even hits the account. I told her, as gently as I could, that I couldn’t help her right now. I even said I wish I could, because I really did. I don’t like being that person who says no. Especially not to family. But I had to be real. I told her straight-up: I can’t loan you anything this month. No reply. Next thing I know, she’s blocked me. Like, full on blocked on Facebook, on my phone, even Instagram. I only found out when I tried to send her a message later to check on her and it wouldn’t go through. I told my husband, and he was like,
“Well, that’s between you two.” That’s it. That’s all he said. Like, I was expecting at least some kind of support, y’know? Maybe talk to her? Ask what’s going on? Instead I get silence. From both of them. And now I feel like I’m the bad guy. I keep thinking, did I handle it wrong? Should I have at least given her something just so things didn’t get awkward? But at the same time, I didn’t do anything TO her. I just… said no. So now I’m sitting here, being iced out like I did something cruel. And I can’t stop wondering AITAH?
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What would be the point of him asking what’s going on? You know what’s going on. She’s pissed you didn’t give her money.
It’s not a big deal that she blocked you, you’re overreacting massively. You aren’t being “iced out”, someone who sucks just blocked you lol
Don’t get bent out of shape over an asshole blocking you for not giving them money.
NTA. Good job not giving her money. It wouldn’t have been a loan, it would have been a gift. You were never seeing that money again. And shame on your husband for not jumping in and having any sort of opinion on it. That’s his sister. He’s involved on both sides. He’s your partner at the very least. He should be there to support you
No interest like family interest. NTA. Your finances need to be in the ‘black’ before you can help others get back into the green
You’re not a bank. If you don’t have it, you don’t owe it. Blocking you over that says more about her than you. Let her stay blocked.
I really hope hubby doesn’t give her the $$ behind your back. Make sure that doesn’t happen I guess.
NTA
Mask slipped, that’s all.
Not even close, you’re not the asshole. Saying no when you can’t afford it? That’s just being smart, not mean. Your SIL blocking you is childish, and yeah, your husband could’ve stood up for you better. But that’s their problem, not yours. Don’t lose sleep over guarding your wallet or your sanity.
NTA
Never loan money to friends or family. In fact, never loan money to enemies, either.
You should give her a virtual middle finger. Maybe a FB post directed to her for all others to see. Isn’t this what FB is for?
NTA, but why is HIS sister asking you for money and not him?
Can someone enlighten me why it’s considered acceptable for family members to cut you off over a financial disagreement when you’ve clearly communicated your boundaries? NTA, but I think the next step is to focus on maintaining your stance and not letting others’ reactions define your worth, maybe set clearer limits with your husband about how he should support you in these situations.
NTA, sounds like your husband didn’t want to be the bad guy and pushed your SIL to you. You might have a husband problem more than a SIL problem.
He doesn’t need to get involved. Nothing really happened. She just ghosted you out of embarrassment. The only thing that happened was your internal guilt went haywire because you legitimately wanted to help. That just makes you kinda sweet. But wrong attitude. If your SIL doesn’t respect that she’s not the only one with problems, she needs to have a time out anyway. It is not your responsibility to upkeep the responsibility in others.
She’s gaslighting you, withholding her affection/attention like you’re gonna feel SAAAAAD that she won’t talk to you.
Here’s what you do–you BLOCK HER BACK. When she gets over her snit, she’ll be very surprised to learn that she can’t pull your string so easily.
Don’t ever back down, don’t ever trust the b!tch again, even if you do get back to speaking terms. Keep your guard up. Keep interactions light and minimal. She’s got some issues, she’s a USER.
And she wanted to use you, because you’re a soft touch.
`And your husband? He’s a jerk too. NTA.
The trash takes itself out. If it’s ’between you two’ than remind him of that when SHE is pissed off that you haven’t unblocked HER.
She took cut herself off to punish you but like is it even a punishment?
NTA, your husband kinda is and your sister should just stay out of your life.
All requests should go through the related parties. She should be asking her brother and he should be telling her no. It was a mistake for you to even entertain this request.
Your husband wanted you to be the bad guy. He kind of threw you under the bus. You deserve an apology from both of them. NTA
Someone needs to inform your husband that:
You, whatever kids he ever has with you, and He are: HIS FAMILY that He Must TeamWork-With Respect Love PRIORITIZE Build DEFEND
Failing to do this is violation betrayal of the marriage thus grounds for divorce
r/justnoSIL
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She will unblock you again when she wants money from you again. That’s when you block her
Block her, not as revenge or pettiness, but if or when she calms herself, and your husband comes back at you, it’s between those two.
NTA, but now you know how she feels about you, which is nothing. So that’s what you give her, NOTHING!
Nta. If you can’t afford to, you can’t afford to. & match her energy since your husband dgaf. Who cares if she blocked you? Thats a her problem.
NTA – but your husband is and so is your SIL. Good to find out. Now, can your husband lend her YOUR money? The cash that you all need to survive? Will he? He isn’t willing to stand up for you. He isn’t willing to speak to SIL. He isn’t supportive. Have you divided accounts? It may be time to start protecting YOU. He isn’t.
Bitch is broke and just mad at you, NTA
NTA, and next time I’d be saying “let me talk to husband” then come back with a no just so he’s in the same shitty predicament with his shitty family.
I feel like getting blocked from her was a win though. Enjoy your peace
NTA
She did you a favor. If you are blocked she can’t keep asking you for money.
NTA.
If she blocks you, great! She can’t ask for more money then. And why would she ask you and not her brother? And your husband is an AH for not saying he’d handle it. Why is this on you?
Who cares? Block her back (in case she changes her mind later) and go on with your life.9
She had no intention of paying back the “loan”
NTA, but why is your SIL asking you instead of your husband, her brother? And your husband is a coward for staying out of it.
Now you know what your SIL thought of your relationship–she thought it was forth blowing up over a couple hundred dollars.
NTA
Your husband sucks
Now you know where you stand with your husband and his family.
Do not ever loan money to anyone unless you can live without it. Always think of the money as a gift. If they pay it back, you will be pleasantly surprised. If they don’t, you will not be angry, hurt financially, or ruin a relationship…..because you were already seeing it as a gift.
Book the bottom line. Reality is she probably didn’t block you because she said no. She probably blocked you because she’s embarrassed that she had to ask you and that you didn’t have it. It’s embarrassing to borrow money at least for most people. I mean there are people out there that it’s a way of life and they don’t care. They they say borrow when they mean give it to me because I’m never going to pay it back. You tried to explain that you know an unexpected repair put you behind and you just don’t have it right now. You wish you could help and if you had it you certainly would and now she’s embarrassed
I’m more upset that your husband decided not my problem. It’s between you too. I’m sorry but dude seriously when your sister calls your wife and asked to borrow money instead of calling you directly and then gets pissed because your wife didn’t magically pull cash out of her ass. I mean what did you expect your wife to do? I mean I’m sorry but in all seriousness instant cash with 5 minutes notice. Have you got a popular street corner nearby and you expected your wife to go out there and sell herself to come up with the money for your sister? Otherwise I’m sorry but this seriously is your problem. Your sister went to your wife, not you meaning your sister knew damn well. You wouldn’t give her $0.05. your wife knew the budget and knew you couldn’t loan her hundreds of dollars. I’m guessing if it had been you know I don’t get my paycheck until tomorrow. I need to put some gas in. Can you loan me 20 bucks? Your wife would have found it but a few $100 instantly and your answer is not my problem. It’s between you and her. Let me translate that to you
I’m not really a man. I’m a wimp in disguise and I don’t want to have to deal with any of this stuff so I’m going to let the women deal with it and I’m going to pretend like it doesn’t really include me, involve me or have anything at all to do with me because if I have to make a decision and I have to choose between my wife and my sister I’m going to be in trouble and the whole family’s going to be pissed at me no matter what I do and I am too insecure. Too much of a wimp too selfish too. Self-centered to give a damn about anybody or anything but myself
Now as a note back to you, do you have children with this man? Because if this is all the support you get over a few $100. I don’t even want to know what kind of support you’re going to get when it comes to everything else. You might want to do a good hard look and maybe suggest some marriage counseling
No decent man. Would let you feel like you did something wrong because you don’t have the money to give his sister. He knows what your budget is. He knows what bills are paying. He knows what money is coming into the house or he should. It is a joint decision. It wasn’t just you it wasn’t just hey. I know you make more money than my brother and the bills get all paid and you have a little extra put aside. So hey give me some cash because I need it. No absolutely not. This was a request from a married couple and it shouldn’t have been made directly to you. It should have been made to both of you so they’re both playing games, putting you in the middle and making you feel like you’ve done something wrong when let’s be real here. You couldn’t have done anything different without making yourself not have enough money to pay your bills and it’s great to loan money. That’s extra, but nobody should make you feel guilty if you don’t have it. They’re the ones there with their hat in hand. Begging so trust me, she’s embarrassed. Your husband should be embarrassed.
Let’s hope she thinks about it realizes it’s just embarrassment and quietly unblocks you
Husbands not taking sides when one of the sides is his wife, who has done nothing wrong. They’re the assholes.
You’re not the bad guy. SIL sounds like a weirdo. If you have to interact with her at family functions just be polite, but don’t feel an ounce of guilt for not loaning her money. She’s the ah.
NTA
Bet he knew already
Probably gave her the money too
Sounds like she did you a favor.
NTA. You are under no obligation to lend money even if you were in good financial condition. She would be transferring her problem to you. That’s not fair.
NTA. So you have to pay to be in this family? SIL is blackmailing you. Don’t “buy in”. There are no returns on this stock! Loosing investment!!! And, on a side note…..how much is hubby costing? Is this the family way? Is that why he is silent? Hmmm. I have so many questions.
Take your SO not getting involved as his permission and agreement that money is too tight to be giving away. Never loan any money you can’t afford to just give away in case it doesn’t get repaid, family or anyone. She will get over it and you should not have to do without out bc of someone else’s lack of planning. Don’t feel bad either, not your fault your SIL can’t manage her money better. Maybe offer to help her plan a budget so she doesn’t need to ask for help?
NTA. Husband & his sister are both being asshöles here.
Information: are you & husband’s finances combined?
NTA but I’m sure you know now that she had no intention of paying you back with that attitude (she’s apparently entitled to it that’s why she’s upset) also your husband is a bit ho-hum about it so If I were a betting man I’d say he went behind your back and gave it to her?
NTA
You didn’t have the money. What did she expect you to do? Lay a golden egg? Crap 50s?
Don’t feel bad about this. She asked, you couldn’t do it. Not even that you wouldn’t, you couldn’t.
Leave her to her snit, if that is how she wants to be. When she comes back next time, direct her to your husband and refuse to engage any further. Let him deal with his sister. (and she will come back once she needs cash again. She’ll suddenly decide to be the ‘bigger person’ and forgive you)
NO. Refuse to be manipulated into giving into selfish people. They will spend everything they have and look at what you have as if they’re entitled to that too. They’re not—not even family aside from YOUR OWN children.
Your SIL has no claims to your money and there is a reason she didn’t ask your husband (her brother). If he wanted her to have it, HE could have loaned it to her out of your joint marital assets but he didn’t. Give him a half point for that.
Consider yourself lucky to have her out of your life (for now). She’ll come back whether you like it or not because she needs you more than you need her. Keep protecting your boundaries. Treat her as you always have so that she gets the message that her tantrums won’t work on you. I would still remember the damning evidence of who she really is and continue to be watchful around her. But your goal shouldn’t be to be her friend or benefactor. Your goal should be to protect your boundaries and do what you can to keep the peace without giving in to inappropriate demands from family or friends. Your husband will be of no help in this area, it seems, but keep trying to make sure the two of you are on the same page where you can.
There may be something odd about his relationship with his sister that he feels the need to stay away from. Who knows but see if you can find out. Don’t let that come between you, even though he is wrong in the hands-off approach he has taken. Make a point of trying to see whether this is just an isolated instance or if you’re always going to be on your own to solve problems that come up, in general or with his family.
Good luck, OP. NTA.
So your #1 partner excused himself from YOUR team when HIS relatives behaved badly.
The woman asking for cash retaliated immediately – for your failure to throw money at her.
These people suck. Talk about “all I need to know about you.”
What’s wrong with your husband? Why didn’t she ask him for the money? Why is she asking you? Your husband is way out of line here. First, she should be asking him, not you. You must be seen as an easy mark! If so, congrats on setting and holding your boundary. Second, why is he just dumping on you? Is this a common practice in your marriage? Spouses are supposed to support each other. If not, then you should be re-examining the relationship. And finally, it’s good that she blocked you. That means you don’t have to communicate with her. Anybody who acts like that when somebody says they can’t loan them money, doesn’t deserve to be communicated with.
You sound too kind and I’m guessing that putting in this boundary was very difficult for you. I hope you’ll work on strengthening up your resolve because people love to take advantage of someone who’s too kind. You did great. NTA
You can’t control what other people do and think. Roll with it — don’t discuss it or think about it again — soon it will be history.
Why is she asking you and not her brother? Next time add him to the chat and let him deal with it. This whole thing some men do where they throw their hands up and say it’s your thing not mine when it’s their family in play is some weak ass shit! Tell him to be a man and deal with it. Also avoid having financial decisions with his family without involving him. Ideally avoid it all together. If you think this is a bad situation think about how much worse it would be if you loaned her a few hundred bucks and are trying to get it back and she’s avoiding you. Bullet dodged
NTA, you gave a boundary and she is acting immature. Make sure your husband doesn’t loan her any of your money either. Don’t join in on her drama. Let her keep silent. The peace will be bliss. If your husband takes an issue with anything between the two of you just tell him that’s his problem and walk away.
Consider your SIL blocking you a blessing in disguise. Your husband can be the point person now
NTA sounds like you’re saved from her asking again.
Girl, you have yourself a HUSBAND problem. Wtf? He should be backing you up. That’s HIS sister, not yours. He sounds like the type that would run to save himself and leave you in danger if a threat was right in front of you both. Eeww.
Agree with another commenter who said he probably doesn’t want to be the bad guy… but he is anyway by not backing his WIFE up and having a united front with you. I’d bet my paycheck he’d want your support if the roles were reversed and sis asked him for money & then blocked him when he said no. What a selfish asshat. I hope he figures this out before he suddenly finds himself single and wondering how “the divorce came out of nowhere…”.
Definitely NTA, but hubby and SIL sure are.
Yhta your husband is the AH and Nta . You and he should be a TEAM. And it’s HIS family. My bf has gone to bat for me many times, even against his childhood friend.
You dodged a bullet in my opinion. Your getting set up to enable someone. If they know they can hit you up for cash they will. Stand your ground. Your in need of that money too.
NTA. You are not cruel by any means. if anything, you were empathetic and apologetic.
I think your husband‘s response is rather shitty, though!
NTA. Your husband however is a ball-less wonder. Did he talk to his sister about the money? Did she ask him first and because he didn’t want to be the heavy he sent her to you knowing full well that you cannot afford it? Is he being iced out as well? He is fully aware of your finances. He legit needs to man up.
NTA Better she block you for saying “no” than blocking you when you ask for it back. Sorry about your husband, that sucks.
Tell your SIL to go to a bank, LendingTree or use a credit card. WTF. Is she not a grown up? Be thankful she blocked you. I’d be glad to never have to deal with her again. And yes your husband is an AH.
Why wouldn’t she ask her brother? If this is real you have a husband problem.
I bet your husband gave her the money and told her he had no idea why you wouldn’t.
NTA. Your husband is terrible for saying that’s between you two because it is HIS sister. He manages his fam – you manage yours.
Count your blessings. As long as you’re blocked, she can’t mooch off you. NTA.
NTA
Why didn’t she ask your husband?
NTA -your sister-in-law figures if she does this, it’ll guilt you into giving her the money. Your husband needs to step up and have a little chat with his sister and tell her to stop her passive aggressive bullshit and no, you can’t loan her money that you don’t have.
Why do you feel responsible for someone else’s money problems.
Ignore them, they’re just leeches.
Why didn’t she ask her brother for $
NTA and now you have one less person asking for money! Sounds like the problem fixed itself
NTA-However is this is you husband’s sister then he is a POS for not having your back and telling his sister to stop going around him and being a little witch.
She should have gone to him, not you. And his answer should have been the same as yours. NTA
When I inherited some money after my mom died, 2 friends each needed to borrow $500 dollars. One friend paid it back 10 years later and paid me 1k. The other never paid me back. 🙂
Sounds like the SIL is a winner, your probably better off without her. Your husband is a momma’s boy so it runs in the family
NTA And block her back. When you see her in person, tell her it’s embarrassing that she even asked, and you need a break from her for a while.
> Next thing I know, she’s blocked me. Like, full on blocked on Facebook, on my phone, even Instagram.
Sounds like she did you a favour? Now you dont have to be asked for money anymore.
NTA
NTA. But if I were you? I would be relieved.
You’re not the bad guy. Your husband is abdicating responsibility here, and that’s not okay. But if your SIL blocks you just because you can’t afford to lend her money, then maybe being blocked isn’t such a bad thing. You did nothing wrong. Just sit back, enjoy your peace, and see how things play out. NTA.
nta if she’s going to act like a child, that’s on her. But your husband is letting you down.
NTA. She’s doing you a favor blocking you. Never say yes again, and point to this reaction as why. Your husband is also an AH. Did she ask him first and he told her it was up to you, so you would be the bad guy?
You never loan money to family or friends, no good will ever come from it. She blocked you and you should block her, enjoy the peace with out the drama. Your husband is a AH for not handling his sister.
NTA and sometimes the trash takes itself out.
The SIL showed you how petty she is. She did you a favor. Now, no matter how much you make in the future, you will never be asked to give her anything. Oh yeah, and your husband is a jerk.
NTA. You can’t give what you don’t have. If she chooses to throw a tantrum, so be it.
He is right. She is being a baby , never called you and name he blocked you on stupid stuff . Just say ok and block her on stuff. He knows it’s manipulation and thr fact your bothering him with garbage shows it works on youn
NTA, but your husband is big time! His entire job as a hubby is to support you and protect you, he’s failing hardcore at his basic responsibilities. It is however always nice when the trash takes itself out. Don’t look at it as being iced out, the bad eliminated itself for you! Take the win.
NTA. You don’t have a SIL problem, you have a husband problem. You need to dig in there about why he is acting like he’s acting because there are too many stories about spouses going behind their Hubby/Wifey’s backs and putting their birth family first over their chosen family.
Be glad she blocked you so she can’t keep begging for money the tramp
NTA. You don’t owe it to anyone to ‘loan’ them money. If she’ll act this way over a few hundred dollars, I just wonder what she would do over something REALLY big. Your husband should be supporting you in this.
NTA and I don’t think your husband are an AH either. I guess he knows his sister and don’t have the energy or interest to get into one of his sisters drama, again. If you think back I guess he have told you about her before? I can be wrong but it’s my guess. Just do as he does, ignore her
NTA also tell your husband this is his problem it is his sister. From now on you will redirect his family to speak with him about shit.
Enjoy the silence
Why didn’t she ask her brother? I call bs.
Your husband and your SIL are the ASSHOLES here. He’s an enabler when it comes to his sister and doesn’t want to tell her no but he’s OK with you being the bad guy. Remind your husband of his vows and how he’s to hold you on a higher pedestal than any of his family.
Turn the tables on her and make a point: ask her for a substantial amount of money. She’ll say no, of course because she won’t have it. But do it to establish that your finances are shaky (even if they aren’t).
The best way to stop money grabbers is to ask them for money.
She’ll unblock you the next time she wants something. Block her back. Let her go. Wish her the best. But send the energy you received. You’re just respectful of a boundary she set. Move on. Nothing to discuss.
NTA – your husband is a tool and should have immediately called his sister out for her BS!
NTA Looks like she did you a favor. Don’t let her petty actions bother you for another second. Live your life like always. She has shown you what value she places on you. Is SIL your partners sibling or your siblings wife?
Ma’am you did Absolutely nothing wrong and for your SIL to act the way she did just verified you shouldn’t ever loan her money! Hold your head high
NTA, really. Can’t loan money you don’t have. Feel good about it. You don’t need to feel guilty or anything. You simply didn’t have it to give. That’s it.