Hey guys, I’m gonna try and make this post as clean and concise as possible. There’s so many factors as to why I feel how I do but I’m going to try and give a storyline. I’m a 21F and I’ve been with my bf 22M for 5 years. Early on in our relationship we started at total opposite ends of life. I had a hard childhood and when we met I was super depressed and on the verge of removing myself from life if that makes sense. He had a significantly better childhood, 2 parents, less struggle and we’ve both joked about this often. As time has gone on I’ve gotten so much healthier, been through therapy and found ambition for life.
When I was 17 I moved in with his family and we lived all together up until this year when we moved out on our own. During that time I was able to dive deeper into what I want out of life, working my ass off to make my dreams a reality. I graduated highschool early which caused a rift because he graduated late due to slacking off. Which means he finished school the year I was meant to.
In addition to this he’s found himself stagnant in life over the years. He’s had irresponsible behavior especially financially. He has a credit card that he got at 20 that has been maxed out since he got it. While I have 4 credit cards that I’ve had since I was 18 and have used and been paid off multiple times. Keep in mind this is all happening while we live with his mom, we paid no bills.
A significant event that occurred around the 3rd year of our relationship was an instance when he was late on his car note, he didn’t tell me about this until last minute which of course caused me to feel blindsided. He followed up by asking me to give him the money to catch up because he had no savings so I did, pulled the money out of my personal savings(which I was saving for school) and helped him because I love him. This was a trust breaking event. Fast forward to now, there had been minor things happen inbetween that time and now that have rubbed me the wrong way but we’ve talked about them and have been able to get through it.
Currently we live on our own, a big goal of mine was to move out with or without him because due to my childhood I’ve always valued my space and being in control of it. I must mention that I’m in school, working night shift full time and working my ass off to be were I wanna be in the next few years. Recently he’s been super down about himself complaining that I’ve grown, changed and done so much while he still feels like he’s stuck in the same spot working a dead end job. I agree with him but I’ve also done everything I can to help him, I’ve applied for jobs for him, given him information about school(he says he wants to try college even though he hated highschool).
It’s really starting to wear on me though. I hate the idea of having to take on more financial burden because he can’t pick up his feet. I’m the type of person who is a go getter, if I want it I will do everything to make sure I have it. He lets life pass him by, makes terrible financial decisions which he keeps from me until last minute(just today he told me he can’t pay the WiFi so it’ll be off for two days) and does nothing to be better yet complains that he isn’t.
Now you’re asking “why would this idiot girl stay with this guy” I love him. I know that’s cheesy but he helped me so much with my mental health early on which is why I feel so strongly for him. I know this is just another side of the coin for unhealthiness. But I don’t know what to do, we are in a year lease so I figured I’d take that time to reevaluate where we are gonna go. I’m scared to leave him but scared to stay. I don’t want to do my future self a disservice by praying love is enough. I’m scared to tell my family or his cause everyone is rooting for us “high school sweethearts” I want to stay together, we’ve always talked about growing old together but this has weighed on our relationship. I don’t know what else to try to fix things and advice is very welcome.
TLDR: My bf is terrible financially and I carry the burden of it. I love him so much and I can’t bear to leave him right now and I want us to have a future. He’s my first boyfriend and we’ve always dreamed of growing old together. I don’t know how to fix things or help him make better choices and be proactive in his life. Advice is welcome