Hello! I am having a hard time thinking I am the problem in the relationship and that my boyfriend is not attracted to me anymore in a sexual manner. He always asks me to give him handies and oral but pretty much ignores my wants and desires when it comes to that stuff. It doesnt even matter if its sex, sometimes I just want him to finger me or do something like that to me when I am horny. We are both a bit hypersexual because of past traumas, and we have talked about that before. I feel like when he asks its always either oral or handjobs, maybe sex once in a blue moon. But when I ask its always ignored (literally ignored) or he says he is too tired. When he says he is too tired I ask if he wants me to do anything to him and he immediately is magically wide awake and wanting it. Is something wrong with me? Is he just not liking me in that sense anymore? I talked to him about this before and his response was just “Why dont you just ask and start it”, but the thing is I have multiple times. I want to just cut off any sexual stuff from our relationship so he knows what I feel, but I am terrified he will go to someone else for it if I am not pleasing him, but I havent gotten anything sexual to me done by him in like forever(except the occasional sex). Am I being selfish?? Am I over thinking this? Pls help:(
My boyfriend doesnt want to touch me or have sex, but he wants me to do stuff to him all the time.
r/Advice
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This isn’t any of the words that you mentioned, this is plain old him being a selfish and self-centered person.
Honestly at this point I would be wondering if he is even your boyfriend at all or if he is just someone who has a “bang-maid”, you know, someone (you) that he doesn’t pay, that does nice things for him and makes his life easier, and also that he gets to get sex for himself.
Relationships are supposed to be give and take and I am seeing 100% “take” here.
It is SO bad that I’m not even sure if you are boyfriend and girlfriend …
I think most people would not put up with this at all. You are putting up with an awful lot.
You’re not selfish & nothing wrong with you. He sounds lazy.
Try & be open & honest together about what you want from each other & how often. Also try a bit of “1 for you then 1 for me” to hopefully tempt him to reciprocate.
He is using you ,walk away find another relationship
What a douche.
I honestly dealt with men like this, my ex “couldn’t get hard” unless I started with oral I was young and “In love” I just assumed it’s what he likes but he never focused on me finishing sort of like porn (oral/foreplay- sex- he finishes so does everything else)
He thinks like a teenager, it’s too much work for him to focus on your needs Or got used to you being a pleaser. Not selfish at all!!
Find someone that is compatible with you at least I n sex and morals, don’t struggle putting in work when you’re young. Take time to know what you like, want to try, boundaries stuff you’ll never think of doing.
This may not be what you want to hear, but if he is not interested in pleasing you but wants to pleasure you, he is not interested in or will be supportive in other ways. Have some self respect. If you cut him off he may go somewhere else, yes but you can too. The thing is many men who act like that can sense your insecurity or fear of being left so they feel they can demand what they want. At least if you tell him that if you are not getting any pleasure, he isn’t. If he then says we’re over then” that will be saying that all that mattered was his needs. You deserve better.
Well, he doesn’t have to to get what he wants … and he doesn’t want you personally.
Why are you allowing yourself to be so used?
dump him tonight.
Dump him. He is selfish. He doesn’t care about you or your needs. If you are foolish enough to stay with him, stop doing anything sexual for him. If he asks say sure, once you do X for me.
Why are you with him
He’s playing into your insecurity and lack of confidence and it’s NONE of what you suggested. He’s a selfish a$$hole. Period. You need to call a spade a spade and let him know you aren’t a oral/HJ vending machine and that if he doesn’t want to reciprocate he can leave. It really is that simple. You can’t stay with someone who invalidates and literally ignores your needs. Look way into the potential future with him…later your needs may be someone to hold your hand through chemo or support you while you finish college or be there for you when a parent or child dies…is he capable? Does he have that in him? Can he be sympathetic AND empathetic to your needs? It’s not enough to acknowledge your feelings and wants and needs, he has to be invested, is he?
He sounds like a jerk. You need to find someone who will treat you correctly and not use you.
Dude he sucks. I would go through with withholding sex until he understands what you feel. If he goes somewhere else for sex then that shows what kind of person he is and you don’t want that anyway. He’s too tired for you? Then you’re too tired for him. Have you talked about it with him? If you have then, yeah, I’d go through with the withholding.