I (F 20) am in love with my boy best friend (M 21) of 6 years. The problem is, he just recently started dating a mutual friend of ours.
Here’s the story from the beginning. We met freshman year of high school and immediately became good friends. This relationship continued all the way through high school and continued into college (we attend the same school). I recently went on a trip to Europe for a month, and before I left we had a hangout with just the two of us. We went to the drive in and it was really cute – we sat right next to eachother and it ended with his head in my lap and me playing with his hair. This is when I realized that I liked my best friend. I texted him through my trip and we chatted often.
Now enters our mutual friend (F 20), let’s call her Anne. Anne is known for having long lasting relationships, where my best friend is not. Anne texted me last week asking if my best friend had a girlfriend and, being honest I said no. Two days ago, she texted me again saying they are now dating. Now I wasn’t expecting to be so upset, but I am really torn. I don’t even know what to do because I feel awkward trying to ask to hang out with him knowing I like him and that he has a girlfriend, but I also don’t want to lose the friendship by avoiding him. What do I do?
Comments
Tough luck? You’re gonna have to just get over it and move on
Tell him. I have a friend just like that and we were very close, we kinda dated but our friendship was the most important. We didn’t end up in life together but we are still friends. He’s the best. Just mention it casually. Or make a joke like “what if we dated……”
If he’s your best friend you should be able to tell him that you don’t like him dating “Anne” he’ll ask why and you can just be honest. He might like you too and be afraid. You never know unless you ask. But be prepared to simply be friends.
You move on or wait your turn. You don’t make things awkward and you don’t tell his new girlfriend anything unless you want to ruin your chances in the future or your friendship with Anne.
Tell him how u feel especially early could go wrong or rub him the wrong way especially cos it’s like now that he’s in a relationship NOW u tell him. But better to say your peice and risk it then be left wondering if u do love him.
You will f up a friendship.
I was madly in love with my best friend of like 10 years. And when she got a bf it broke me but they are about to get engaged. I had to accept the fact she was dating someone that wasn’t me but she is happy and that makes me happy. I told her now boyfriend about my feel and he was very respectful to me and sat us both down and eventually and said that he’s not breaking the friendship up. He set his boundaries and respected me. Funny enough over the past two years we have become good friends and I think I’ll be the best man in the wedding.
you should have been honest with your feelings from the start I know people like to say they’d rather be.their friend then ruin their friendship but the reality is you’re just lying to yourself and settling for something less.
you can either wait to see if they break up or just be honest with him since the relationship hasn’t begun hardly and see what happens
if he rejects you then move on
if he doesn’t… then you have another problem lol 😆
You do nothing. Let the relationship run its course, which, based on what you’ve said, probably won’t take long. Your friend clearly doesn’t have a history of maintaining long-term relationships, and this situation doesn’t sound any different.
But more importantly, ask yourself if this is even someone worth pursuing. Does it really sound like you’ll build something meaningful together, or are you just setting yourself up to be another notch on his belt or failed relationship? Because if you’re thinking about throwing away a six-year friendship for someone like that, you need to seriously reconsider your priorities.
If you’re tempted to say something, make sure it’s not coming from jealousy or bad intent. The only valid reason to speak up would be to warn Anne, not because you want him, but because she might be expecting something he’s not capable of giving. Even then, it needs to be handled delicately or it will come off as sabotage.
Truthfully, your best option is to step back, let it play out, and stay out of it. Don’t interfere. Don’t stir the pot. Let them figure it out on their own. If it ends, as it likely will, you’ll be glad you kept your integrity intact.
You are excited about looking for a different guy who is similar in some ways.