Throw away account bc I don’t want this to somehow get back to him and humiliate him further.
The other week my (32F) boyfriend (34M) of 6 months broke up with me seemingly out of the blue.
The reason he gave was that he “realised he isn’t ready for a relationship”, which sucked but I told him I understood and just wanted to keep our friendship.
He was a bit awkward when I said that, and left shortly afterwards.
He didn’t speak to me for a few days after that until yesterday when things got weird.
Yesterday he sent me a message on Snapchat casually asking how I was going after everything and if I wanted to catch up.
I said yes as I honestly missed him and was low-key hoping he would realise why he wanted to date me in the first place.
We met up at a cafe between both our houses and sat down and ordered. Normal small talk for about five minutes before the coffees arrived and the topic somehow very quickly turned in to him telling me there was another reason we broke up.
He told me that at the start of our relationship he tried to get handsy and offered to go down on me, which at the time I had my period and let him know this.
He didn’t care at all and was still ready to go, so I told him I wanted to go and clean myself up first. He told me this made him feel as though I was questioning his own hygiene and that I should have been grateful for the offer at all.
I remember the conversation he was talking about but it was about two weeks in to our relationship and I have no idea why he has harboured it this long.
At this point I had mostly been listening, acknowledging what he was saying but not really verbally responding as I wanted to give him space to get his emotions out but regretted that quickly when he started to get louder and angrier that I was “now ignoring” him.
I asked him to please talk to me normally as the yelling wasn’t necessary, I wasn’t ignoring him, but he kept getting louder repeating how much I embarrassed him and made him never want to offer himself that way again.
At this point quite a few people including staff were watching us and I felt so uncomfortable, I asked him again to please be a bit quieter or if we could go somewhere else to talk, but he just yelled “WHAT? AM I EMBARRASSING YOU?”.
I didn’t know what to say, and I have such bad emotional coping mechanisms that my first response was to laugh. That obviously made him angrier and at that point I just paid for my coffee, apologised to the barista and left.
He texted me a few hours later saying I once again embarrassed him but now in public and made him feel like a villain.
Before now I’d never seen this side of him, but we had only known each other a few weeks before we started dating.
I didn’t mean to question him at all in the first place, although I do wish he took hygiene a bit more seriously, I just wanted to make sure I myself was clean for him.
AITAH here?? I feel like he’s overreacting but he also seemed genuinely upset.
I’m so confused lol this is such a silly problem to have.
Comments
NTA. You didn’t embarrass him, he embarrassed himself. He’s clearly holding onto some weird grudge from months ago, and now he’s trying to make you feel bad about it. You just wanted to be clean before getting intimate, which is totally reasonable.
As for him yelling in public, that’s a huge red flag. There’s no excuse for that. His over-the-top reaction to your nervous laugh shows he’s way more focused on his ego than trying to actually understand your feelings.
Honestly, thank your lucky stars this relationship is over. I can’t imagine what he’d be like in private if he’s willing to treat you that way in public. You’re better off without him. He’s just trying to guilt-trip you into thinking you’re the problem, but really, he’s the one making a scene and blowing things out of proportion.
NTA
You dodged a bullet. He’s way out of line. Stay away. 🚩
Girl, he’s a manipulative asshole and has no control of his emotions. Ofc NTA. Block him and be happy you got rid of such a manbaby.
No way this guy is 34. So damn insecure it’s crazy…. NTA, you dodged a bullet
Oh no!! If it isn’t the consequences of his actions. NTA
This is the poster child of Overreacting
The only reason he’d be even more embarrassed NOW is understanding that his initial understanding was a mistake, and he’s lived with this for months.
It’s kinda child-like, actually.
What was his maturity like, otherwise?
Damn he’s more like a 18 year old teen rather than a 34 year old man. He’s super insecure and has no control of his emotions. You dodged a bullet NTA
Your title is wrong, but NTA, good thing you’re not with him.
NTA! He is seriously unhinged and I would be terrified of him! Watch your back! Seriously! And RUN! Stay far away from him!
34 year old toddler throwing a tantrum.. damn, lol
NTA and wow! I guess you can thank him though for making the breakup easier for you and now you realise you dodged a bullet with him. Be thankful you only wasted six months on this nutjob.
Lame
Oh Hell no you are not the villain this unhinged Sombitch did you a favor breaking up with you! Thank your lucky stars he showed his true self and I would hope you lose his number and never interact with him again. Good Luck Sweet Lady
NTA. Looks like he was right when he said he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Dude has the emotional stability of a toddler.
You did nothing wrong.
I had to go back and check his age because I assumed he was 16 or so. Very immature and self-centered.
Just wow! I don’t know how people like this exist? From all you said I don’t understand how he’d be mad at you it’s baffling. I’m not a trained clinician buuuut someone seems to have voices telling him things that aren’t true! Thank your favorite deity for letting this happen so you can move on
Don’t know why you broke up, but it appears you lodged an emotionally unbalanced bullet.
He has an opportunity to talk with you, and that’s what he brings up? He is embarrassing.
NTA
Respond with that you didn’t embarrass him. He embarrassed himself. He needs to mature if he wants to date anyone and then block him
NTA. If he can’t keep his emotions in check long enough to have a civil discussion in a cafe, you’re better off without him.
He’s definitely giving of weirdo vibes
NTA, and that entire confrontation sounded scary. So basically this guy makes up a whole bunch of nonsense in his own head, gets upset at said nonsense and blames you, all while never even having the maturity and consideration to talk to you about it, maybe clear up those misunderstandings? Then he breaks up with you based on a total misunderstanding on *his* part and when you finally meet to talk things through, he…makes up more shit in his own head to get upset about?
Imagine your time with this guy, honestly. He doesn’t talk about his feelings like a mature person, thinks yelling is a valid method of communication, gets aggressive when you attempt to deescalate and seems to be set on making you the bad guy no matter what. This man sounds so insecure and unhinged, and where did you humiliate him? You wanting to freshen up has zero to do with *his* hygiene, and wtf is this “you should be grateful”, bs? I don’t understand this at all, but I do know you dodged a freaking bullet.
Just don’t engage with him anymore, for your own sake. It doesn’t sound like you can safely communicate with him and from what you wrote, it’s just not worth the effort.
NTA
You dodged a bullet…Block him and forget he ever existed….he’s definitely unhinged
NTA. He’s a red flag. You dodged a bullet.
He sounds like a dumbass.
“HOW DARE YOU NOT LET ME EAT YOUR BLEEDING VAG AND MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I’M DISGUSTING!”
I’d laugh in the Red Baron’s face too, what a total dickweed lmfao
nta
He’s a nut. You dodged a real issue here.
NTA
But you will be the AH if you get back together with him.
Block him and move on.
Are you sure this person is a man, or a little boy who was not allowed to grab something from the cookie jar? He’s a total insecure idiot, and you should be happy to not be with him any longer. This helps to define the meaning of dodging a bullet.
You should be grateful for the offer at all.
Has held onto something that happened 5-1/2 months ago
He felt you were questioning his hygiene when you wanted to freshen up first…indicating he has no clue about periods.
Has no qualms about having a private conversation in a public place, getting loud, then accusing you of embarrassing him.
Felt you were ignoring him when you were actively listening, indicating he has no conversation experience
Feels you made him feel like a villain…indicating he is the victim and this is all your fault
I bet he is expecting you to call him, begging him to accept your apology. Please know that when he is sorely disappointed to never hear from you again, he will make you out to be a beech…
You dodged a mortar shell with that guy.
P.S. you humiliated no one…he did that all by himself. NTA
NTA. Dump him. Find someone around your age.
I’m pretty sure he’s mentally ill, all things considered.
No, you clearly saw another side of him, one that can and did destroy the relationship. He is insecure and may have deep seated anger issues which finally bubbled to the surface. Run
He was being so absurd & you were caught off guard, so I can completely understand you suddenly laughing.
NTA. Forget about him.
He chose the oddest, most private topic to talk about at a public cafe. Then proceeds to yell at this public café. What in the world ?