It’s starting to drive me insane and I don’t know if I’m being overly paranoid?
My boyfriend works with a girl, a girl he’s slated to me sooo many times, said he doesn’t like her and says things about her even now that aren’t complementary. Lately any problem he has be it something that’s happened personally or in work he’ll be straight texting her and they both ask each other if they’re in work that day and when he said no the other week she sent a sad face back. Last week something personal happened and he told her straight away, I asked him why and he replied that he was talking to her about work when we got the news and I was just like why do you have to involve her in everything as it was personal to me that we kept it between us. He got invited to a work event the other week and the first thing that left his lips was “I might see if she was wants to do it with me” not even do you want to come and support me and acted like I was crazy for being pissed about it. It seems a little weird, she’s just got in a relationship with someone new and I’ve got this nagging feeling that he maybe feels a little jealous or something idk, I think it’s just the way he runs to tell her everything, even if I’m sat with him. EVERYTIME I’m with him they text. The other week he put a jab at me that this girl did something I really have wanted to do for ages, but finances and responsibilities meant I’ve not had the opportunity and went “they’ve done this before you, I should of gone with them because I wanted to go” I kind of snapped back and he was asking why I was being weird over that girl, but it just felt like a dig what would provoke a reaction in anyone. He love hearted all her pictures she uploaded of her doing it too. He said when this girl started a few years back that she fancied him and all this, what immediately made me feel uneasy because no girl wants to hear that someone has a thing for their partner. Another thing he said is that he might look at owning a company with her in a job that they are both qualified in, this confused me because only a few weeks prior he was telling me how he doesn’t really like her because she acts like a spoilt child.
My other issue too is that when I’m not with him, I barely hear from him, but when he’s with me he’s ALWAYS on his phone texting someone or watching videos on his phone, so I just feel like I’m not even a priority or interesting to him most the time.
TL;DR I don’t know if my feelings of being uneasy with this is valid and how other people view this. I’m just sick of seeing him text her everyday and I know when I’m not with him he’ll text her or be working with her.
Comments
I’m going to use my tough love mom voice, okay?
If a man does something that makes you uncomfortable, and they don’t WANT to correct it, you are not as important as whatever is making you uncomfortable. (You are not as important as her.)
That doesn’t mean you aren’t a wonderful girl deserving of the world; he’s just a dumb*ss jerk.
Normal, kind, good people say, “Oh my gosh! I didn’t realize that was hurting you. I’m sorry, I’ll stop.” Because normal people feel bad when they hurt other people. This is not normal.
Also, as someone in your boyfriend’s age group… ask yourself why he is dating someone whose brain isn’t fully developed yet, rather than someone his own age. Predatory men seek out younger women because they are “easily moldable” and their frontal lobe (practical judgement) isn’t developed yet, which works to their advantage. I know everyone in an age gap relationship hates to hear this, but it’s true. He knows you’re young and still learning, and that he can manipulate you to feel like you’re the problem. That’s not okay.
If you were my daughter, I would be packing your bags and bringing you home. Genuinely. It’s not your fault, but you do need to leave. You are worth so much more than a scummy guy who makes you feel worthless.