I just found out that I am the lone heir of my mother’s retirement. She died in 2014, I thought all inherent assets were left to my father, who died in 2023. My father was estranged and died. I got a text he had passed on. Don’t care. Give no fucks.
I get a mailer from CALpers that my mother has $29K in an IRA, with no other holders. Just me.
AITA if I don’t cut my kids in?
Comments
Right now no. It’s yours keep it. But if you don’t leave your assets when you do to your kids your the ah. Unless there is something else going on? How’s your relationship with them?
That’s not an inheritance that’s a gift
Must say this is very weird behavior coming from a parent, wanting to keep the money all to yourself seems a bit selfish. I wouldn’t go around telling anyone this if I were you…
Its enough to take care of a few bills and make your life momentarily more comfortable, but it’s not so much it’s going to become generational wealth? You dont owe any to your kids, but if you feel bad just buy them each something around a couple hundred dollars. Again, it’s really not enough to change multiple people’s lives.
That money is for you to do whatever you want with it. If you’re not leaving it to your kids I’m sure you have your reasons.
Me and my siblings weren’t hanging out waiting for our parents to die. As a matter of fact we told our parents that it’s THEIR money, not ours. We told them to spend it all!
Do your kids know about the inheritance? You don’t owe your kids part of your inheritance. Their inheritance will be from you but not until you pass. You don’t owe them anything. That includes an inheritance.
NTA OP. Be careful! Don’t talk about it. DON’T GIVE any of them anything. You’ll never be paid back! This money is for you and your future. Remember that.
!Updateme
NTA. It’s your money. If you’re mother had specifically told you that she wanted your kids to get money, that would be a different matter. $29K is a nice bit of money, but it’s not a life-changing amount. You might consider giving your kids a small amount, maybe $1K each?
I always figured if my parents made enough money to last them through their old age, they had done a good job. It turned out they had saved enough for me and my three brothers to inherit some money. I am grateful to have it, and it is providing part of my retirement financial cushion.
NTA – why would you need to?
NTA. I wouldn’t mention it to them cause they don’t get a vote and it might cause drama- it’s your inheritance. Spend it as you like and if any is leftover for them after you pass, cool. But I imagine you have bills or trips or things you want and you’re within your rights to spend it. And if you’re questioned, you say you budgeted for it.
Now, if you currently owe your kids money, that’s a different question.
NAH – do what you want, its your money
But this post is missing a lot of context to accurately judge if anyone is an AH.
Edit – jk, looking at OPs post and comment history… there likely are no kids and this sounds like bs.
As a 40 something child of alive parents, I do not know their finances and don’t expect to get a cut of their weekly poker winnings or whatever. Inheritance happens when a person dies, you’re still alive, why would you cut them in now? NTA
Why would you need to tell them? Just fill out the papers, get it and do what you want with it. NTA
Why would you give it to your kids? I genuinely don’t understand. When my grandmother died in 2015 (dad’s dad died in 1980 and left everything to my grandmother/his wife) my sister and I were both adults. My grandmother left an equal share to each of her kids. The estate was already pretty much liquidated by that time, she had sold her home, no car, no large anything, no investments anymore. I’m not sure exactly how much my dad got, but it was a decent amount. The grandkids got nothing, but why would we? I don’t know how old your kids are, but if you want to spend some of it on their college or something that would be nice, giving them a few thousand each if they are adults and you feel like it would be nice. But I don’t know why your kids should feel slighted if they don’t get anything.
Ooh! Good for you! Don’t spend it! Invest this unknown gift. Don’t touch it until you retire. Find a good bank that will help you grow that cash. If you have more to add to it, get an investment banker and let it grow! That 29k could be worth a lot more in the future if you do it right.
NTA!! Do with it as you please. Take them on surprise dinners, buy a few extra groceries that you can’t normally afford, but you don’t have to leave them anything.
NTA and don’t tell them.
Typically, inheritance goes to people’s kids. And then those kids pass on an inheritance to their kids.
NTA. It’s none of their business. Have fun with it! BTW, you might also check the state comptroller’s website to see if she’s got any other money sitting around for you to claim? Here’s the website: https://www.sco.ca.gov/search_upd.html
Why would you?
INFO: Why don’t you want your kids to inherit?
NTA, because inheritance is a gift, not an obligation. But I’d still like to know your reasoning.
NTA. It’s only $29K, not a life changing amount of money. You could pay off some bills or make a dent in your mortgage. Nothing to worry about.
You’re not dead yet. It doesn’t matter. It’s $29k
come on now. That will supplement your income
Do you not like your kids or is there some reason for not wanting them in on this?
It’s 29k. So just go about living your life with some temporary help.
Your kids will have 30 years ahead of them to make their money. You’re probably near retirement. That’s your money. You don’t owe your children anything.
That’s not even that much… Pay off some debt and get a good spot 🙂 that’s more help your kids anyway
This is yours. Set it aside for your own retirement.
NTA- your kids get what’s left over when you die. There is no obligation to share their grandparents money or even tell them for that matter. It’s absolutely none of their business.
Why would you give the money to them?
No. And don’t tell them about it. It’s none of their business.
It’s yours. None of their business.
Dude, it’s $29,000. Not $29,000,000.
There’s nothing to “cut your kids in” on.
Either you’re poor or middle class and have plenty of things you can (as a responsible adult) use $29,000 for.
Or you’re rich and $29,000 is a ski weekend in Aspen.
The money was not left to the kids…why do you feel you may be an AH for not giving it to them?
NTA
Maybe some therapy for the kiddo codependence.
It’s all yours to do with what you want. Everyone should have the best life they can and if there is any money left in the end it goes to whomever you choose!!
I don’t have any kids but 3/4 out of my nephews will get my assets and insurance. My one nephew isn’t included as he’s been very disrespectful to me since living with me. We have not been on speaking terms and I’ve decided he’s now not included until he decides to treat me better
You don’t need to cut your kids in. Honestly that amount can clear some debt. If you felt generous you could treat your family to a holiday. Rent a house and invite everyone, remember their grandma.
I make $29k in a month
If you’re worried about a whole $29,000 in an inheritance and worried about not leaving any for your kids. Don’t worry, they likely expect nothing from you anyways.
NTA
Collect the money, pay off debts and if you have anything left just blow it on something you always wanted. Tell no one else about it.
Don’t tell anyone about it to begin with.
That’s not a lot of money. You should consider putting it back into another investment in your own name.
What do you mean “leave it to your kids”? Are you dying next month?
Nope. We aren’t talking millions. By the time it gets hit with taxes it’ll be less. Invest it, have fun with it…enjoy
Nope
It’s for you…. Keep it
It’s 29k. I could spend that in a week. Why are you worried about leaving it to your kids. Yta for making me write this.
This is the one that strikes me as the most real I’ve ever read. Short, to the point, and as the OP says…”no fucks given.”
NTA!
$29k? Just $29k? This isn’t a life changing amount. If you are worried about cutting others in for that little… You’ve got bigger problems to deal with.
Not that much money.
when you use that money to remove debts, or put it in your savings, you are actually removing a tiny piece of burden from your kids.
NTA.
Do your kids even know? There’s no reason to tell anyone. $29K isn’t bad, but you can’t retire in that. I do hope you invest wisely cuz that could definitely grow.
Go for it, OP! Your kids’ll only remember this when you’re in need of eldercare.
You are the beneficiary, not your kids.
I’m not taking my money to an afterlife. If my son doesn’t get my stuff now, he’s going to get it all later. But if I’m in a good place, he’s getting what he needs sooner rather than later.
NTA. It’s not really even enough to split. Put it to good use.
NTA it’s not a huge amount of money so it’s not like you’re hoarding wealth.
Why would you cut your kids in? In our family it’s normal to only go one generation at a time. $29k isn’t much to divide
This story doesn’t make YTA.
But the fact that you came here to pretend to ask means you have omitted relevant context, and strongly implies that some previous story regarding the relationships between your children and parents demonstrates YTA.
Which you know.
If you have a mortgage you can put it in that and then the kids get that house when you pass.
NTA if you do that.
NTA
Lmfao no.
29k isn’t that much where u need to think about this.
That is so little it’s not worth mentioning or asking about online.
You know what I would want my parent to do with that money?
Sure up their life financially.
I’m in my 40s and the crush of having living grandparents, aging parents, and young adult kids is … a lot. I won’t let any of them go without medication or food so it gets tight some months. Note that none of them ask but little things add up.
I currently pay for a lawn service for grandma and send a grocery delivery once a month to make sure she’s not skipping meals to make ends meet (she lives in a different state).
I pay for one of my dad’s medications that gives him the ability to function better with his RA – the VA covers a lot but won’t cover this one that helps him and SS is not enough for him to cover everything plus this medication. I also have one very young adult child at home, and one in college. I cover the one at home’s food and the other one’s dorm and food plan.
I would not expect money; I would however hope that my parent saw my struggle and took care to make themselves more financially stable for when they need more care.
29k? That will be gone in no time. NTA.
Or give your kids $ for Xmas. We have ours $1000 last Xmas and they appreciated it. PS youngest kid’s fridge died after Xmas so nice little cushion for him.
If you are a parent throw that money into a 529 plan.
Money isn’t yours to spend thrift so just throw that money for your kids. Unless you have debts to settle.
You are the premier Steward for your family.
NTA. It’s yours. Don’t tell them about it and you’ll get to have it in peace.
I’m confused. Why would your children have a claim to YOUR parents money? Am I missing something?
Keep it and buy a new Lexus with it. Oh wait! You’ll need another 10,000 to 20,000 more for that!
NTA it’s yours.
You don’t say how old you are, but the smartest move for you would be to start an IRA and invest in index funds.
If there’s anything left after you’re dead, it won’t matter to you.
OTOH, you could buy a used Miata and have a blast.
Your call
Idk how many kids you have but putting 1k or something into some sort of growth account for them might be a good investment for them.
NTA. Hold onto it for awhile if you need to before you figure out what exactly to do with it.
NTA. $29K is hardly multigenerational wealth. Add it to your retirement and do the best to stretch things out as long as possible. The worst thing for your kids would be them having to cover your expenses as you get older.
29k isn’t life-changing money these days.
Put it toward your retirement, paying bills and maybe a holiday.
Don’t mention it to your kids.
NTA
It was left to you…why would you be expected to share it around with others? I’m assuming you’re talking about adult children? Obviously take care of dependent children basic needs if you need the money for that. But outside of that, that’s your money. It’s not like it’s hundreds of thousands of dollars. Make your life a little better. Maybe invest some of it or even open a high yield savings account for each of your kids with just a little bit of money (however much you wanted IF you wanted) that will grow interest over time and can be left to them one day—you don’t need to tell them if you do this. But spend it however you see fit.
Shhhhhh
You want them to have zero “f’s” about you too? The generational divide just keeps growing
NTA. For $29k? Lol no. Its not a life changing amount or anything
Were your children names heirs?
Then no, you don’t have to do shit. It’s also not that life altering a sum that it really matters. Save a little. Treat yourself. Then maybe travel.
NTA. This is not a lot of money
Nope.
Why would you give any to your kids? When you’re gone if anything is left, they get their share, not before.
Don’t tell them about the inheritance, but maybe it’ll be a nice Christmas this year. Gift them like $500-1000 each for Xmas and leave it at that.
Leave it to your kids? Why not pay some bills, get all caught up with every day expenses then invest the rest? 29k is a low sum of money in the grand scheme of things. Nothing to share.
NTA
Buy my a galaxy tab s10 ultra !!
J/k
Sorry for your loss
Enjoy your new money
Dont tell anyone
Why would you consider that. Maybe when you die.
NTA. Your kids inheritance is your estate. Your inheritance is your Moms estate.
Why would you? It’s not like you just got millions. I would just keep it to myself. If you chose to surprise them with a gift or something that’s up to you.
Respectfully. It’s not a whole lot. Do something nice for yourself.
why would you have to? it was your parents that passed, you were their child even if they were shitty parents. there is nothing that says you HAVE to share it with your family, its yours.
so NTA for keeping it to you because it was your parents, but uh, is your will giving any inheritance to your kids or are you just stiffing them entirely?
NTA. When my grandparents passed they left their estate to my parents, aunts, and uncles. I presume when that generation passes is when my cousins, siblings, and I will get some sort of inheritance. Either way 29k is hardly a massive amount of money. Have you already covered funeral costs?
That would get easily spent before the chance to leave to anyone
NTA. kids are irresponsible. put it back to set them up in the future or get them all small gift now if you feel like sharing a little bit
If I got 29k to pay down some bills my children would benefit in my unexpected buying power….. putting me right back into debt. NTA pay those bills and stfu. You owe your kids nothing atm except stability, a warm bed, food and love. Last time I checked love did not infer monetary compensation, you aren’t J.G Wentworth.
Never tell anyone of a windfall, especially family. Nta
No NTA normally they don’t get any unless your dead or it was written into the will
I’ll ask a different question from the others. Why are you explicitly cutting your kids out of what admittedly will be gone before you can pass it down anyway?
NTA. You inherited the money, not your kids.
It’s yours and maybe you will have something to leave them when you pass
It was left to you. Not your kids!!
Inheritance is a gift from loved ones. Take it and own it. Sit with it for a while and make sound decisions.
NTA. It’s none of their business.
I thought you were going to say you inherited $40 million or something! $29k can get you a secondhand Subaru these days. Relax, you dont have to do anything.
I’m not even sure I know what any of that means.
I’m sorry your parents passed away, that must have been difficult.
Yeah $29k isn’t much. That will be gone in a year. My grandparents were rich, had money and land. When they died my dad couldn’t wait to sell the land. My grandparents left everything to my father. Now he flies back and forth to Thailand spending all his (their) money on a woman he met online.
That’s not that much money. Probably not even enough for anyone to notice.
29k is a drop in the bucket man. Wouldn’t even tell the kids. Clear some debts you got hanging around.
Isn’t not millions or even hundreds, just put them in savings and use it when necessary, since it isn’t life changing inheritance. Maybe use it for emergencies. It’s your money after all
I mean…that’s not life changing money. Maybe put it in a HYSA and buy your kids Starbucks with the residuals every once in a while.
29k doesn’t go far enough to make a difference in multiple people’s lives. It’s your inheritance, it’s not something to cut them into unless it’s legal theirs and not yours.
NTA It’s only $29,000; why would you “cut your kids in?”
My grandpa died last year and his 7 kids split what was left of his money. They all got around $23,000 each. At NO POINT did it cross my mind to have my dad give me his share of the money. Like WTF?! Yes my parents have a will in place and once they’re gone, my brother and I will split half of what they have left over. I’m not entitled to any of their money. That’s their money to use as they see fit.
You don’t owe your kids any of that money. It was left to you. If you want to give them some, do it. If you don’t want to, then don’t!
Doesn’t matter the amount of the inheritance. It was left to OP alone. You don’t have to tell your kids or anyone else. You don’t have to share with anyone except the IRS.
My dad got an inheritance like 10 years ago from a cousin who passed. I don’t know the amount but know it was sizable. I didn’t get any. I didn’t expect any. It’s not my inheritance.
If grandma wanted her grandkids to have a cut she’d have left them a cut.
Don’t overthink it.
unless they are in that will as getting part of the money. NO YOUR the only person that gets it.
if there is any left your kids will get it when you pass.
enjoy yourself for once. your children will have their turn.
u/bot-sleuth-bot
NTA. They get their cut when you die.